Relapse

Hi Vix my heart breaks for you because I know what its like to feel like you're back to square one. Three years is an amazingly long time to go without a picking relapse when you struggle like we do. I understand why you're devastated, but I want to encourage you to respond to yourself with forgiveness, love, and understanding. Can you forgive yourself and get back your point of view of picking prior to this incident? You obviously have it in you to beat this more times than not! I think that's awesome! I believe you can get past this just how you have for the last 3 years. So Rock on!

Ughh. I am so sorry. I a sure that you are frustrated. I had abstained from picking for a month and a half and just started again yesterday. My face has 3 open sores that have been picked and are bleeding. I feel your pain! I would encourage you to try and regroup. You can do this. Try not to beat yourself up and just consider the relapse part of your journey. I still haven't found the cause of my picking, but try and notice what precedes your picking so that you can reduce whatever it is that causes you to pick. Believe me, I know its tough but you can succeed!! good luck

Ughh. I am so sorry. I a sure that you are frustrated. I had abstained from picking for a month and a half and just started again yesterday. My face has 3 open sores that have been picked and are bleeding. I feel your pain! I would encourage you to try and regroup. You can do this. Try not to beat yourself up and just consider the relapse part of your journey. I still haven't found the cause of my picking, but try and notice what precedes your picking so that you can reduce whatever it is that causes you to pick. Believe me, I know its tough but you can succeed!! good luck

Thanks so much for your words of support and solidarity. I find strength in your words but sorrow that anyone has to suffer the same way I do. I am definitely guilt of punishing myself after the fact and find it very difficult to forgive myself for my actions in large part because they are self inflicted but also because I do know I can do better and have proved this by going 3 years without any picking binges. I'm still struggling with the aftermath of last weeks relapse but I am trying to keep busy to curb the urge to fix it (ie. Make it worse in an attempt to make it better). If and when I get through this current set back I will continue to find support and strength from this forum and all you guys struggling day to day to control this awful disorder. Good luck to everyone, thanks again and stay strong.

Have you tried vitamin supplements?

I understand being upset with yourself. I used to get so angry with myself too. One time I even took an Xacto Knife and sliced the end of all my finger tips, partly because I was so angry with myself and also because I thought it would help remind me not to do it. Of course it didn't work and was NOT cool! (DONT TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS ;) I mention this only to site the level of self hatred and despair I felt. Plus I think we must be honest with each other. I haven't felt that way in many years. Jesus has been teaching me to see myself as He does. To treat myself like I do others, with love, forgiveness, and understanding. I don't know what you believe but if you are a believer, you could pray to see yourself through His eyes. It has changed my life and I can truly say I love myself, even through my brokenness. As for the picking, Jesus and I are still working on that :) It sounds hopeless that I could stop picking after 28 years but when you said you've gone 3 years, I know it can be done! Keep us posted Vix, we are with you!

Hey everybody. I'm checking in. It's been 2 weeks since I relapsed and went on a major picking episode. I've successfully managed to avoid any further picking but am struggling with the psychological effects of my actions and this condition. My skin is it healing like it used to and although all my wounds are now closed there is still a lot of skin discolouration all over my face and areas of different textures. It's really frustrating because it's been such a battle to not pick but I'm still left looking scarred and am ashamed of how I look. I want to be confident enough to accept what I did and the consequences and step out my door accepting that this is how I look and focus on the good and important stuff in my life. I have a good job, hobbies, friends and a loving partner but all I can think about all of the time is my skin, it's imperfections and how much I want to pick at it to fix it. Why can't I be content with what I have (this condition and the skin it's left me with) and focus on the important things and living my life. I feel emotionally weak because the only thing I worry about is how I look and what people will think of me and I want to be better and stronger than that. I'm trying really hard to face up to the damage I've done to my skin and live with it and stop hiding in the shadows because of it. But it's hard. Good luck to everyone, stay strong x x

Hey everybody. I'm checking in. It's been 2 weeks since I relapsed and went on a major picking episode. I've successfully managed to avoid any further picking but am struggling with the psychological effects of my actions and this condition. My skin is it healing like it used to and although all my wounds are now closed there is still a lot of skin discolouration all over my face and areas of different textures. It's really frustrating because it's been such a battle to not pick but I'm still left looking scarred and am ashamed of how I look. I want to be confident enough to accept what I did and the consequences and step out my door accepting that this is how I look and focus on the good and important stuff in my life. I have a good job, hobbies, friends and a loving partner but all I can think about all of the time is my skin, it's imperfections and how much I want to pick at it to fix it. Why can't I be content with what I have (this condition and the skin it's left me with) and focus on the important things and living my life. I feel emotionally weak because the only thing I worry about is how I look and what people will think of me and I want to be better and stronger than that. I'm trying really hard to face up to the damage I've done to my skin and live with it and stop hiding in the shadows because of it. But it's hard. Good luck to everyone, stay strong x x

Hey Vix Thanks for checking in and also for be so transparent about your feelings and struggles! The things you talk about are oh so familiar! I was wondering, Have you allowed your partner or anyone to see you immediately after an episode? In all the years I've been picking I have NEVER let anyone see the immediate damage. Then the next day I will load my face down with make-up, which I know doesn't help with the acne. But lately I'm tired of coping with this all alone, and going to great lengths to hide the damage. My husband knows I struggle with not picking but he has no idea what the aftermath is like. I've been considering letting him see me right after an episode. I don't suspect he will have much to say or even understand but at least I will be out of the shadows.

Hi HSP picker. My heart breaks to hear you're going thru similar struggles to me. That's an interesting question as I've been picking for 12-13 years and living with my partner for almost 10 but I don't think he's ever seen the immediate aftermath. Don't get me wrong he's seen the full extent of the devastation which now lasts weeks rather than days but I think i only zone out and go into a real picking frenzy when he's not around. I'll still pick when he's home, but in a slightly more controlled manner I think. These days even when I think my wounds are healing I'll be left with red, sore, scaly skin covering a MUCH larger area than the initial wound for weeks after. I find this really difficult to cover with make up. I'll go without make up at home and for errands but going to work is a different story and I'll have to plaster the cover up on - usually doing a terrible job and actually making it look worse. It's not that I wouldn't show my face to my partner immediately after a session but more that he's not around at that time. I think if you feel able to show your partner it will just mean things are more out in the open and hopefully he can be supportive even if he could never really understand. Keep me posted. Good luck. x x

Vix just a quick thought, you might try using Neosprorin on your fresh wounds. It's helped me in the past and I've also heard others say they've used it too after picking. You just have to be careful not to put it on a spot that may have a lot of infection in it because I've had it skin over to soon and trap the junk back in it which seems to make it worse. (referring to pimples of course) Good luck back at ya! I will keep you posted. x x

Here in the uk there is no over the counter equivalent of Neosporin so it's not something I've been able to try. If I'm honest with myself, after all the years of dealing with this, the ONLY thing that helps my wounds to heal is time and not touching them. Yet despite knowing this I can never leave well alone. Hope you're doing well

Oh man, I didn't realize you can't get that in other countries! You can tell I don't get out of the U.S. much! :) What you said about being honest with yourself probably goes for most of us! But I don't know if I will ever be able to wrap my head around why it's so addictive! Take Care now

Update time. So my wounds have almost healed from my epic pick 4 weeks ago. I'm still not able to resist a little daily mini pick but thank goodness I've done no major picking for about 2 weeks now. I'd be totally healed if I could just well alone for a few days but anyway I am about 90% healed so I shouldn't complain. It's the psychological side of this issue I really want to conquer. Even though I look almost normal now I still spent all day staring at my face in a mirror OBSESSING about every tiny mark. I can't focus or concentrate on anything and this is taking up all my time and energy. Even though I'm close to being physically healed this time around I want to keep visiting the forum to help me stay strong and never forget that this is a long battle and possibly something we'll be dealing with forever. Take care everyone.

Hey, so if you really want to kick this thing in the butt, I suggest watching the Celebrate Recovery podcasts for real life church in valencia, ca. If you google it, you should be able to find your way from there. I highly recommend it.

Hey Vix, I'm in the uk too. Down on the south coast. Where abouts are you? And how is everything going now?