Help

I'm not sure what to do. I just picked for a long time with more viciousness than I have in a long time. And I'm trying so hard, but it just felt like a dam broke inside me and I just hated myself, and I wanted the outside to mirror the inside.
And I realise now that I was trying too hard to control this thing, but I don't know how else to heal it.
And I'm sad and upset, and I don't even know how much of it is even about the picking because a lot of it just feels like stuff to do with my family, and the pressures that the people around me put on me.
And I don't know how to protect myself.

I know that even writing this is self-indulgent, and not necessarily how I want to react, but I'm just so sad. I don't really feel like I have anyone else to turn to. Help me please.