scared!

I'm going to treat this like a journal of sorts. I haven't told anyone about my skin picking. I'm sure my boyfriend knows i do it but he doesn't say anything. My kids know I'm sure. I'll spend hours in the only bathroom in our house digging. I'll leave long enough for them to use the bathroom then back at it. This last round i think i went to far. May have to go to urgent care in the morning for antibiotic. I know this is due to stress and anxiety but I can't seem to stop. I've worn a hat for the last year and kept bangs so i can try to hide my obsession. I need to stop beating myself up!

Tried to go to the urgent care at my PCP this morning. It was a two hour wait so I left. I tried to use an online dr thru my insurance company but that app failed and now I've been charged with a visit I didnt get. I've been putting antibiotic ointment and ice on my wound. The swelling has gone down but a scab has started to form albeit there is still a deep wound there. Have to go to work in the morning and I am hoping the hole will somehow close up overnight with the inflammation going down. I left it open with no bandaid and it looks horrible. It was cold and windy today so a stocking hat worked. Warmer weather next week so not sure what I'm going to do. Threw away my tweezers and needle. Can't peel off the scab or dry skin i really want to. Have been putting antibiotic ointment on it everytime i want to touch it. So embarrassed witj this horrible wound on my face! Have another cyst on my chin that i am not touching! Will see how long it takes to clear up

At work this morning. Look like complete crap. Feeling sick to my stomach looking at myself. Some of the scab started to peel. Think it was just dead skin around the wound. Hoping this huge ugly uneven scab will dry up and flake off soon! Just want to look normal again

Got home and most of the red and yellow scab came off around the wound. I'm hoping it was the infected skin around it peeling off. The deep hole itself was a little gooey underneath but seems to be scabbing back up. Did squeeze the one on my chin a few times. No digging tho. Some stringy pus came out and some skin flaked off. Now it's just swollen and red. Icing it down now. Calamine lotion on it later. The skin around my other wound is pink with a little red. It's sort of raw looking. Afraid to put anything but antibiotic ointment on it. Will see how it all looks later. Want to look acceptable this weekend

So still have raw skin around my wound but it is pink colored now. The wound itself has a scab in it so that's good but the raw skin didn't scab up overnight like i had hoped it would. Want that ugly scab back over it. Stings more this morning but it isn't oozing. Just washed it with antibacterial soap put some alcohol on it then antibiotic ointment. Going to be a long day! Did put concealer and powder on it. Shouldn't have but can't deal with the way it looks. Trying to not beat myself up over this. I've got no one to blame but myself

Got home from work and it looks way better! Still doesn't look great but it's healing. Pretty sure any infection that was there is gone but will continue with the ointment. Just washed with antibacterial soap and put alcohol on it. No stinging! Wanted to peel off some skin but decided to leave it. It'll fall off when it is ready. This is the last time I'm doing this to myself. I swear!

Squeezed the cyst on my chin last night. Should not have. Didn't dig at it tho. Got lots of stringy pus. Now it's just red and stingy. The top layer of skin peeled off. Grrr! Just gonna leave it alone and let it scab over and heal. My other spot looks better. More skin peeled off around it this morning. Still have a huge indented scab in the middle. Hoping once the hole fills in the scab will come out of my skin. Fingers crossed

Got home today and original wound looking much better. Still looks pink and indented around the edges but the scab in the middle is staying put for now. Some of the dry skin came off and it bled a little. Hoping not too much damage. The cyst on my chin looked hideous. Some more pus came out of it but i didn't peel all the skin off of it. It's still oozing some so trying to keep my hair covering it at practice. Hoping it's a short one! Not sure I'll look completely normal by Friday or saturday morning but really hoping so!

More skin peeled off around the cyst. The whole area is still swollen. Just cleaned it with antibacterial soap this morning, put alcohol on it and then mixed antibiotic ointment and antifungal cream on it. Just want to wake up, put lotion on my face, then leave the house! Tired of having to cover up the mess on my face. The original wound still has an indented scab on it. Part of it tried to peel off last night so it bled a little. Grr. It'll get better right?

When you pick, what exactly would you be digging out?

The indented part will fill in.

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I think it's hardened pus. It's almost like a white plug? With a really long hair in it. At least that's what i think it is. Maybe a hair follicle? The scab on my first wound is almost gone. I can feel it above my skin now. The cyst on my chin isn't oozing anymore. It's just an ugly scabby mess. Just icing it down. Pretty sure it wasn't a cyst but some type of infection. Putting antibiotic ointment on it and it looks a little better

Hi...it's probably a sebum plug. I would be picking as well, making a huge mess, but I don't have cystic zits. My face is producing sebum and whatever else plugs that tend to spread within as it's healing....except while they're in there, it doesnt heal properly.
I was recently reading information on NAC ( N-Acetylcysteine) as a supplement of 600mg daily for acne and cyctic acne with success in the studies.
Have you tried any other medications such as Finacea?

No. I haven't been to a dermatologist. My insurance is horrible! The first cyst or whatever is was is almost completely healed up. Just a little pink and flaky. Not sure what the one on my chin was but antibiotic ointment is helping and keeping it clean. Still looks red and dry but it'll have to be. I don't think they'll put me on any meds. I don't really have acne or get cysts very much. They just started over the last year. I keep making them worse by digging at them. If i could leave my face alone for long enough they go away on their own. When i dig into everthing that's when i cause the infection to spread no matter how careful i am. I've been getting recurrent staph infections. I've got antibacterial wash and ointment to use and it helps. I don't want to be on anymore antibiotics. They mess with my belly too much. Hoping this is the last of it. I'm determined to stop picking at everything. The pimples i leave alone go away within a couple of days. If i get another cyst I'll probably go to the dr. I had one on the bridge of my nose that i left alone and it's almost gone with only a little flakiness. I know my body can heal it all i just have to let it. Have you tried anything?

Where is your recurrent staph infection?

On my face...most likely from picking

Are you using Bactroban topical for those areas?

Yes. I've got a tube for it. The area on my chin is getting smaller and better. Still doesn't look great but better. I can usually tell if it's turning into a staph infection. Then I'll use the bactroban along with keeping it clean

Happy to hear things are improving! Good you have the Bactroban....is it cream or ointment?

It's the ointment. Fingers crossed i can kick this habit and not have to use it ever again. Really want to get my hair cut next weekend so aiming for no picking or squeezing anything!