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part of me doesnt want to stop
I have scars everywhere. People always ask "whats that from?" Its a question i dread. I make up stories, like "oh it was a rusted nail i ran in to" when in real life it was just a bump that i picked at for months. Yes months. My legs my arms my face, i can't help it. I do want to stop i do want to have nice skin and be confident in hoe i look, but i love how it feels. I love picking scabs and its horrible. I cant help if. I try and stop myself, but its like a drug addiction, if i don't pick then i get so agitated and end up picking abunch. It's horrible but i love it and i hate myself for it. Idk how to stop and I'm to embarrassed to ask for help. How so i go to a doctor and say "all these sores and scars are because i pick at my skin" it's embarrassing. "just stop" i hate those 2 words because I CANT. I cant stop. Do you think i want these scar? I dont but i do want to pick. Its a horrible feeling. I dont know what to do.
The scars are definitely embarrassing. I don't understanding why people think they need to ask about them. Don't they realize it only adds to the suffering. Makes me want to pick at them more to fix them.
I just wish people wouldnt comment on his many scars i have or how bad they look. Its so embarrassing. Especially when you havent recovered yet. Im trying my hardest but people always point it out and it makes it worse.
People can be so rude! Try to stay positive. And try not to beat yourself up. A positive attitude can help. Don't let people drag you down. What's done is done. I've taken on the attitude that i won't let it bother me anymore. A confident smile makes me feel and look much better!
I totally understand how you feel about almost not wanting to stop. It's mortifying for people to see and ask about scars, and I want nothing more than to not create more, but there is something satisfying about picking at something. For me, part of it is because I want my skin to be smooth, so I think if I can pick at bumps it will smooth it out, though I know consciously that it only makes it worse. When I get those urges I try to do something else to soothe that feeling - washing my body, putting lotion on my arms and legs, or fiddling with something else. I am an anxious picker, so finding other things to pull apart and to pick at that aren't my skin can be helpful.
I can relate completely. I hate myself for what I'm doing, but in its fucked up way, it provides some odd measure of comfort and relief.