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mnew to the forum
Usually, I start by fixating on one single spot or bump (doesn’t even have to be a blemish-- it could even be a scar from previous picking in that spot). I try to restrain myself from picking at it for a while. After a few minutes it becomes unbearable and I can’t control myself anymore; I justify picking at the spot to myself by promising that I’ll “just do this one and after that I’ll stop”. After the first spot, I quickly move on to another one, this time justifying it by telling myself that I’ll “just do it for a couple minutes”. I move from spot to spot rapidly after this, trying to get as much picking in before my bullshit “end time” as I can. What happens after this I’m not totally sure of but I know that everything starts to fade out and get hazy. I snap out of it at a certain point; when I check the time I usually find that I’ve been picking for one and upwards of two hours. After that, even when I’m going about my day, I can’t refrain from picking even as I’m fully coherent. Long sleeves don’t help very much because when I pick, I “see” with my hands by running the pads of my fingertips over wherever it is that I am picking at the time.
My parents love me and support me, they pay for me to go to CBT and all that; however they simply don't have any desire to believe that skin picking is a real disorder that exists, just because they think its not a "normal" mental disorder to have. I guess I joined today because I need to feel heard and like someone believes me.
Your description is spot on to how I feel when I'm compelled to skin pick. The only thing that seems to halt the process and help me with this disorder is self administering skin peels. The results of seeing my skin looking better and refreshed after each peel diminishes my crazy need to pick at it. It's never a 100 percent cure, but it's the only effective strategy for me. It's depressing to know that I have struggled with this issue for 15 years. I just hate that strong urge that compells me to pick. And if I don't pick at a pimple or clogged pore, it irritates me throughout the day. That though just stays in back of my mind and feels like some sort of barrier to normal functioning...much like an ocd episode. Picking purge me of that urgent feeling. Picking feels like a cleanse of the mind. Sick and I hate the damage that I've done. Been trying really hard to stop it recently yet the self control is almost non-existent. Must persevere, must not feel let down, must not give up.