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cherrycolalola , 19 Jun 2009

Has anyone else been going makeupless?

I've been trying to not wear any makeup lately. It's been a way for me to stop hiding and try to accept myself as I am. But lately i've found it to be really difficult. Especially right after I've picked. Is anyone trying this? Today I have to go get my hair cut at a fancy salon and I'm already anticipating the snobbery. How do you handle rude people? I know the idea is to say "f$&k them" but on the days that I'm mad at myself and feel ashamed it us especially difficult to hold it together and not let those people affect you
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mamma
June 19, 2009
I think it is great u r going makeupless! u may find noone will say anything to u at the salon. Keep a sense of humor about it. I would try to laugh and say " gosh, I am teenager all over again with the breakouts I have been getting! " or something like that. Unless u really r a teenager, then u can just laugh about that. U may be suprise how understanding and cool others are. Let me know how it goes. have a good day mammab123@yahoo.com
cherrycolalola
June 23, 2009
I agree clarityalas,knowing the forum is out there helps. I often think of the people working towards recovery on here when things are extra difficult(like when going to that salon). It was an interesting experience. My skin was fully exposed a lot of the time, which felt like being naked haha. It's a strange mix of emotions... fear, shame, sadness. Yet at the same time there's liberation. It's so nice to not feel like you need to cover up all the time. For me it's been a huge time suck, and its helped keep me in denile. It's such a struggle to not wear it sometimes, but i'm hoping it will be worth it. Like many people here,one of the reasons I pick is to "make my skin look better", the same way I try to fix it with makeup. So taking away the makeup gets me out of that micromanaging "fixing up" mode, and helps me not pick. Sometimes it backfires though. I'll get a glimpse of myself in a store mirror and cringe. Lately there have been times where it's depressing and frightening. I'll really see the damage and it just sucks. There's no makeup buffer that makes me feel sort of ok, I just look bad( or at least these are the thoughts that go through my head)I've found though, that my reaction to how I look hinges on forgiveness. It's easy to look at the result and get angry at myself,but when I think about the causes of my self harm it makes more sense. In the moments where I pick it's usually to get away from pain. And I started picking when I was young and in a lot if it. I was trying to cope the best way I could and I didn't know any better.and that's ok. Anyway when I'm stuck under that boulder of shame sometimes, I try to forgive myself and accept my humanity. I'm constantly putting myself down, trying to be better, stronger, more together. And it's funny because picking makes you stop an realize you can't always keep it together and be so superhuman all the time.
clarity-alas
June 23, 2009
Makeupless again today!! So I am naked. No makeup. That is a good way to describe it, because it almost feels like when you're out in public you are so EXPOSED, VULNERABLE, a beacon that'll draw in unwanted attention. But, oh my god, I was makeupless and I got a compliment! That was a really unexpected. It was my dermatologist. It was a week since she had saw me last MAKEUPLESS and she said, "Wow, what an improvement. Oh, yeah, this looks much better." (I had blue light therapy for a break out I got ...which was excerbated by you know what...)... but no one has ever said anything like that to my MAKEUPLESS me -- that there was an improvement! It is a happy day for me and my skin. I had a laser treatment done today (following the compliment), intense pulse light therapy...and it was like going too close to an electric fence. An electric shock feel for 20 minutes straight. It is to rejuvenate skin and remove red scarring. And the pain and discomfort of the procedure was ok, because my skin is improving, I am improving, I imagined those little shocks as fireworks. Yay, me! No picking for 2 whole days... I am writing all of this because I am hopeful, and I want my hope to carry through to your lives... I am taking that compliment and I am framing it in gold in my mind, I am honoring it and using it to deflect my anxious energies...and urge to pick. If we are so good at taking insults, or negative words, looks and feelings, and morphing them into a strong need to pick, then I believe we can turn this disorder on its HEAD!! Let's take the kind words, the compliments!, and use them as a shield, as a protective light, to stop our strong urges to harm our skin. This is my second straight day without picking (no picking at all!). If this is your 20th minute, 2nd hour, or 2nd second without picking, then that is also an accomplishment!! Your skin is healing as you read this -- so let the healing continue... The gentleness to yourself is a beautiful thing, I believe in all of you, much strength coming your way...c.a.
clarity-alas
June 19, 2009
oh, I am so glad to see this topic come up today! i am currently makeupless and have just returned from a makeupless drive to my makeupless app't! And I stress the word makeupless because it is almost a fearful word for me! But I survived it. It is funny because as I was walking into my app't (it is located in a big fancy shopping centre) I felt really insecure (I was in the parking lot when the sort of anxious panic struck), but then I thought about all of your on this forum, and this is going to sound cliche, but it gave me a boost of confidence and belief in myself (I swear to god it did, I felt the backing of all of you going thru similar challenges, so thank you for sharing) that I am going to do this, I am going to have clear, unharmed, makeup-free skin. My own self-talk and positive mantra is that I am recovering from this addiction and though my skin may have a few self-inflicted scars and blemishes, I am on the road to clarity and self-control. I am on the road to acceptance and each step that I take with my makeupless self is a healing one. I am so much looking forward to that day when my insecurity is completely unwarranted -- and I am working towards this. It is a process and we've got to be patient and love ourselves, not hide ourselves away. I am undergoing some laser resurfacing and light therapy treatment and am very excited about seeing the results. Quite painful procedures (they underestimate the pain the brochure!!), but as I got the treatment done I accepted all of the pain, I accepted it fully, I accepted it fully so that I could leave all that pain behind. It is a new beginning.
misslinz10
July 06, 2009
I do it sometimes, but it usually makes me feel worse about myself. I will see some beautiful, flawless skin girl staring at me and i think "i wish my skin were like hers..." or "i bet she is staring at m purple scars and scabs." I would rather hide it than make myself feel a hundred times worse... usually that just triggers my picking, and hide for two days again.
belsy
July 06, 2009
I tend to pack the makeup on to the bad blemishes to go out and know I look terrible but don't know what else to do. I have to work really hard for weeks to try and get the scabs on my head under control to go to the hairdresser. Sometimes they find them in my hair and I just say I have a skin condition and I just want to die on the inside.
katiekat920
July 13, 2009
I have never used makeup, and have never thought of makeup. If anything my mom is the one who always pushes makeup on me because of my scars and whatnot. I have never had anyone rude speak to me either, maybe because I don't necessarily pick my face, however I do pick noticeable places, I only pick my face somewhat.
ihatecsp
August 20, 2009
i dont really bother wearing makeup ( i only do every long once and a while) because it doesnt really seem to hide anything, and just makes my face even unhappier. usually its just easier to see sores or acne when you put makeup on top of it. if i can hide it, why bother. sigh... i want the makeup like they used in movies and tv that actually can camouflage this stuff.
cherrycolalola
August 23, 2009
thankyou everyone for sharing. yeah i dont feel like makeup helps cover much. The main thing keeping me wearing it right now is a new relationship. I havent talked to my boyfriend about picking, still to scared to be abandoned, or told I'm gross. So I'm still trying to hide. It feels like a huge step backward and its leading me to pick even more. I dont know what to do. I want to just jump emotionally and be honest with him im just feeling so fragile right now. Has anyone else been in this situation? im not wanting to face the results of the last relapse I had(which will be more apparent if i stay makeupless). I think its because when Imet him I was doing so well... i looked almost normal. and im afraid that without makeup I wont be attractive enough to keep him around, or i'll scare him off.
tiredofpicking
August 24, 2009
I did that yesterday when I flew into town. I felt so ASHAMED of myself. I felt like everyone was staring at me or felt disgusted when they were looking at me. After that, I decided, I would stop for good. I stopped once 2 years ago but restarted once I started graduate school. So, now, I have made up my mind that I would admit that I have a problem that is beyond my control and seek some sort of help. So, I guess the makeupless trick worked in a different way for me. I've gone makeupless before but yesterday I just really felt worthless, ugly, disgusting. It was so bad I felt like I was some sort of monster walking around. I could cry just thinking about it. I have picked for so long but now it is something that I really want to stop.

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