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Tongue picking, biting, toenail removal.
Hello all
I know there is a thread on this subject on here already but I can’t find it. I’d like to know if anyone else does this to the extent that I do. I tend to pick my tongue by getting it between my bottom teeth and nail and tearing little pieces off and making it bleed .. I won’t just do this once, I’ll repeat this in the same area for quite a while, sometimes my fingers are covered in blood due to how much I do it. Started doing this as a child I have been doing this for as long as I can remember, I’m now 47 and still do it regularly. .. One time in my teens I did it so bad that the whole left side of my tongue was red raw and bleeding for absolute ages! ... I sometimes also suck the underneath of my tongue between my teeth and bite right through it, once again not just one but repeatedly .. The wound can be quite bad (15-20mm long laceration type looking wound and I’m sure I could see the dark red/purple muscle structure where I have bitten so deep! I have not done this for a while as it’s extremley painful but the urge is ALWAYS there!! This might sound warped but I think I have a fascination with blood as I’ll suck on the wound created and lick the back of my hand to watch it flow, Bloody wounds etc do not bother me in the slightest. ... Do I have some kind of mental disorder? I did have quite a traumatic childhood and still have some slight issues going on with that like anxiety and possibly some mild PTSD ... I have had some councilling and CBT and it has helped very much.
On another topic but most likely related I also pull the inner and outer sides of my big toes nails out by using a sharpened tool to cut down to the nail matrix and the literally pulling the nail pieces out with a pair of pliers (As if I’m doing an ingrown toenail removal) I have also been doing this since I was a child but only really been using the tool for the last couple of years, these can also bleed a lot and have got infected sometimes .. They can become EXTREMLEY painful to the point of agony, keeping me awake and so on ... I now have to do it regularly as I have caused an ingrown toenail scenario on both sides of each big toe and if I don’t repeat the process they start to get very sore where the nail is growing up into the skin due to the repetitive removal of the pieces .. Once I have done it though I clean the thoroughly with pure TCP 2-3 times a day which stops them getting infected. I tend to like to squeeze on them too to see how much of the pain I can take and seem to enjoy this in some warped way .... Do I have some kind of self harm disorder?
You know, when I look back... I can definitely say that for as long as I can remember, I have bitten off the taste buds from my tongue as well as chewed the inside of my cheeks... and it's not just a little bit I will destroy it to where I can barely talk or eat which just blows my mind sometimes. I also used to cut when I was younger (teen) so it very much could be a form of self-harm.... I remember I used to say cutting made me actually feel something, instead of the shitty, dulled emotions that I basically considered as feeling nothing at the time.... I was very numb inside at that point in my life. However, alot of my stuff comes from habit these days. Just like people get that comforting feeling from picking at their skin or hair, well the pain / blood for me, is a very comforting and familiar feeling. I'm not sure I could pinpoint one reason why I enjoy feeling the blood in my mouth or the pain from it, but I assume it has to be like people who do BDSM and like getting spanked or whipped. The pain releases endorphins therefore rewarding that pleasure center of my brain just like picking did, just like drugs did, and just like alcohol did. I'm sure there is some psychological reason full of scientific terms, that somebody smarter than myself can probably give you... However, I just know that when I think of the pain and the bleeding it takes me back to the days when I used to cut, in order to just feel something... You know?
You know, when I look back... I can definitely say that for as long as I can remember, I have bitten off the taste buds from my tongue as well as chewed the inside of my cheeks... and it's not just a little bit I will destroy it to where I can barely talk or eat which just blows my mind sometimes. I also used to cut when I was younger (teen) so it very much could be a form of self-harm.... I remember I used to say cutting made me actually feel something, instead of the shitty, dulled emotions that I basically considered as feeling nothing at the time.... I was very numb inside at that point in my life. However, alot of my stuff comes from habit these days. Just like people get that comforting feeling from picking at their skin or hair, well the pain / blood for me, is a very comforting and familiar feeling. I'm not sure I could pinpoint one reason why I enjoy feeling the blood in my mouth or the pain from it, but I assume it has to be like people who do BDSM and like getting spanked or whipped. The pain releases endorphins therefore rewarding that pleasure center of my brain just like picking did, just like drugs did, and just like alcohol did. I'm sure there is some psychological reason full of scientific terms, that somebody smarter than myself can probably give you... However, I just know that when I think of the pain and the bleeding it takes me back to the days when I used to cut, in order to just feel something... You know?
I do the same thing. Can someone please help me. I bite my tounge so much that it's starting to affect my daily life. :( I'll get into a trance and just start biting it and the pain will be so bad but I just can't stop when I start. Even thinking about it makes me just do it. I don't know if it's part of my anxiety or what. I don't know what to do. I tryed everything. I can't even watch a movie without biting my tounge anymore. It'll bleed so bad and my boyfriend doesn't understand what's happening or why I do it. What can I do to stop. I hate doing it. It's so painful. It's making me go crazy.
I am not alone.