I really need answers

I don’t know really where to start about this last year I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was in in-patient in Sheppard Pratt for my sucide attempt. I have been self harming for a few months then and even now I still do. In 2nd grade I got acne because I bit my chin open which caused a lot of bully I won’t go into to. In 4th grade I was picking my face and I am getting worse each year. My mom thinks it’s another form of self- harm and and I usually get grounded but I can’t stop. I am always losing my phone and nothing seems to work my mom thinks I do it to defy her juts like my self- harm. I know teens picking there face is normal but when I see little tiny pimples I dig my face into big holes that take very long to heal. What scares me now is that I’m starting to see pimples that aren’t there and pick them witch leads to more holes. My family doesn’t believe me and I really need answers I’m not sure if it’s self- harm but it doesn’t feel like it. The worst part is after I pick I feel so depressed and ugly so then I self-harm (please help I can’t talk to anybody about this)