I can't stop.

I am really a mess. I am a mother of 3 kids, have a good job sort of, am working hard to try to make ends meet which doesn't work and I am struggling so hard with life itself. I used to cut CHUNKS out of myself but stopped it a long time ago thankfully but I still have the huge scars all over my body. Very low self esteem then and crawling back down to there again. With that low self esteem comes the "urge" to want to pick and pick and just can't stop. My arms are a mess. I am really embarassed by it as I have numerous "lesions" on my arms initially caused by flea bites, then scratched and irritated, and infections came and now I am scabby and nasty looking, unable to stop picking. I should be ashamed of myself but I can't stop. I am ashamed but I simply cannot stop. I won't go on meds as they will only make me fat and tired. I was on them a long time ago when I was cutting. What is an old gal like me supposed to do to stop? Thanks for any help. Major Scar