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affectionate picking
this is my fisrt post. i wanted to write about my compulsion to pick others. i became intimate with a guy who had acne. i can't not see past it because every bump is like a hurdle that i have to perfect. so i scrubbed, heated, and picked. for me its compulsive and i feel that i really put him off. its hard for me to stop with someone i have feelings for because in a way i am doing it out of affection. the permission to touch intimately at least in my brain also gives me permission to groom.
does anyone else have this problem? what can i do about it?
i know what it stems from. childhood and parents of course. i am almost 30 and i am not past this.
December 30, 2009
I'm a 29 yr old woman, and I've had a lot of struggles with this! When I see a blackhead or bump on someone I'm with I instantly slip into obsess mode. It is sometimes physically impossible for me to concentrate on anything else. I feel you on the affection thing. I feel the urge to pick them because I'm a picker and that's what I do, but there's definitely an intimate aspect to doing it on a partner. To me, it represents this space of trust and closeness. However, I've never really been successful in this. Most of the guys I've been with have tolerated my picking on them to a small extent, and then banned me. This brings up all sorts of negatives for me: immense frustration at being near a zit but not being able to pick. Frustration you wouldn't believe. (Well, if you're on this site I guess you are one of the few that can!). Dismay at the physical rejection. Growing fear that he will be completely turned off by this, but that I won't be able to stop thinking about it. Loneliness and pangs about the future wondering if I can ever share this with anyone. What the guys never seem to understand is that *I* don't find it gross, nor does me picking their zit make them any less attractive to me. Really, it's the opposite because trust and intimacy are good things! Has anyone had any luck talking about this with a partner, and even getting their okay?