ditch 40 day plan!

Hey everyone, Writing from England, I am happy I have found this site and it is always a relief to find you are not alone. I am now 26 and have been struggling with this condition since I was 16/17 years old. I know exactly what caused this, my mother died when I was 11 from cancer, then I went on to live with a very twisted, angry woman also known as my grandma who was a control freak, had ocd with cleaning and with my cleanliness. I had to be perfect for her at all time otherwise I would be ridiculed. she didn't let me mourn my mother and so this was my way of dealing with things. It wasn't until I ran away started uni that I noticed me locking myself in the room all the time. Hiding from friends. always wearing hats to cover my head, and curtains always closed. Not to mention people would only ever see me on a night. But even back then I didnt know what the disorder was. It wasn't until 2007 when it all came together and it was hard to accept but at the same time its very important you accept it and look for a resolution. Without tooting my own flute I am an attractive girl and I did some modelling for a while until I realised I was scrubbing my skin even more so because I felt I wouldn't look perfect until I did, of course the aftermath is worse but why cant our brains twig that. Its because we enjoy that feeling, the control it is a high been in-front of the mirror and pulling away and picking. Does anyone else go into a trance like state? I go off into a filmy place where I am all of a sudden a character in a film and I am caught up in explosive story lines. Seriously some of the ideas that come up when picking are amazing and if only I put them down instead of doing what I do. So for a few years I have tried all sorts. All different creams to help the skin heal, wearing gloves on a night, avoiding mirrors etc etc. It is so hard. I bought the book brain lock and it is good and I think you cant just read once, you have to keep reading we must get the message through! that this isnt us, it is the OCD! I am on the waiting list for cognitive behavioural therapy but its like a years waiting list. Who has that time on their hands?! I want to live life now. No more staying in the house, missing out on seeing people, doing fun activities refusing my partner to get intimate incase some of the make up comes off. Is anyone else here in a serious relationship?? its so trying because in the end the OCD wants you to be alone. But I dont want that one bit. I am with the love of my life but its so hard because again you want to be perfect for them. Ok the 40 day rule is too much pressure, thats such a long time and we must take baby steps. Even after say two nights of not even washing your face or picking let the scabs heal. So all that are doing the 40 days, say after 3 uv failed, you will feel so bad about this and think you are failure. I really dont think its good unless you are a every now and then skin picker. I know hiding the scabs under make-up isnt nice and we feel conscious that people can see them but remember what scabs do, they are barriers while the skin fixes underneath!!!! If you keep saying that, yeah feel them on your face with the tips of your fingers but keep saying, thank you, you are fixing me, dont rip them off or it will just continue the crazy cycle! I find salt baths are good for skin healing, also sudacream, Vaseline but the best thing is drink plenty of water and eat veg and fresh air is good also. I really do benefit from not seeing anyone for a few days, remove all make up, moisturise, and just leave your face alone. dont wash again for two nights and I promise that when you come to pick again, then you will remove the scabs and they would be no redding underneath in fact they probably will fall off themselves. So try not washing or even keep on the make up for a few nights because that dries the area and forms a scab which makes it heal faster. I know you feel grubby and anxious but try it. I know its hard with work, and social life but don't just ditch picking all together say to yourself, a few nights without even washing my face. You will such difference. I experience this when travelling a few years back. I was on a mini bus in India for 14 hours and with no air conditioning, I was so hot and sweaty and I was dying to wash my face and scrub at it. But it was in such good condition. Does anyone else feel there skin picking is better when in hotter countries?? I certainly do, especially humid places like the Philippines, India Thailand etc thats because there is moisture in the air it really does help. My ways of dealing, well I have started doing a journal and saying everything on my mind. I have a cognitive behavioural therapy book I try and read as much as I can. Keeping yourself busy is essential. I think this site it great, whenever you have the urge, come vent here. Every night I place big clumps of moisturiser on my my wounds and that reminds me to care for them, as night time is my hardest I feel if I pick the scabs off then they will heal by morning, nope just means a whole lot of blood on the bedding and more embarrassment come morning. I know its curable but we must act now. Life is going right past our eyes while we waste so much time in the bathroom. Confront the fears and look at the causes. I believe every one of us can do this. much love xxxx