I Have Diagnosed Myself - My First Entry.

i have found this site as hope to an end. im etremely aware of my condition. i have never been to a therapist or a doctor and i have never been diagnosed with a skin picking disorder, until now. i have diagonosed myself. i first realized my condition around the end of my sophomore year in high school ( it might have been the beginning of my junior year things have become sort of distorted.) i can look back on the last 3 years of my life and see the picture of what has become of my skin. i thinks its fairly mild or its not as worse as it could be or its not as bad as others but i know now that i cannot stop. not without help. im fairly self motivated and ive tried several things to stop but i crack and relapse every time. . i don't understand this though. i cant understand why i cannot stop if i recognize what im doing! this has brought to my attention the need for an external force working and helping me to stop. no one knows about my problem, or if they do they have chosen to say nothing about it. im not one of those people to ask for help i think. i feel like ive waited and wished for my mother to ask about it and shes asked about the sores on my skin and she knows i pick but i don't think she realizes how bad. i think she thinks its just some teenage thing. i want her to know because then id know that everything would be alright. i would be relaxed for about a day, it would be a reprieve. But my mother suffers from depression and anxiety. i don't want to believe that this condition, this OCD is genetics, because then it would be a lot harder to stop if i knew that it was engraved in my DNA, it would feel like my condition is unfix-able, and i refuse to believe that. ive thought a lot about whats happening and what might have caused this, i think i have the answer. maybe im dying to tell someone my story and maybe that could be the missing link to my recovery as a person again, but im not sure. i want to write forever and on and on and on. . but i will try to take this one day at a time from now on. i hope to kick this habit and mental state of mind. i can do anything. and i have been extremely inspired by this forum and website. i feel comfortable knowing that i can tell others who are going through the same thing how i feel and what i do. i know they will understand and not judge. your are my hope. i will be back to continue my future.