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moonowl , 31 Mar 2010

New Here

Sorry I can't give a proper "introduction" at this time. I'm still very much "in the closet" about this issue, even with my husband who should be home soon. Not that he isn't aware of it on some level, but I think he feels it was more of a problem in the past, and has mostly subsided. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I have been picking since I was about 16 or 17, I guess, and I am now almost 31 years old. Although it has been this many years, I still keep trying to tell myself that I can make myself stop if I just "try" hard enough. It's a very lonely problem to have, as I'm sure you are all aware, as the worse it gets over time, the more of me I feel I have to close off. This time of year is especially bitter. I love spring/summer/warm weather, but because I'm trying to hide my scars (most of mine are on my legs, primarily my shins), I cover up a lot more than I want to. It has all but ruined many of the activities I once loved doing, and as a mother, it takes EVERYTHING I have to force myself into a pool in public to take my 6 year old daughter swimming and act like nothing's bothering me. I worry about the days when she's older and doesn't even want to go swimming with me anymore out of embarrassment. I have looked for resources for this problem online occassionally and sporadically throughout the years, but this is the first time I've ever posted anything on any of them. It just seems so hopeless. I can't dedicate all of my mental focus and energy everyday to trying not to pick my skin...I have kids, a job, a house, a husband.... I don't mean to be such a downer or pessimist, but this is how I feel at this moment, and feeling rushed on top of it is forcing me to type my most pressing issues only. Has anybody ever tried any of the therapies recommended on websites, or the counseling sessions offered on this site? If so, what did you think? Thanks!
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wildflower
March 31, 2010
hi there, and welcome. you are me 20 some years ago. please don't follow in my footsteps for your next 20 some years. there has to be some way to mentally focus on your cpd. it doesn't have to be all of your time, just the time when your fingers do the walking. please read through the topics and glean what you can pull into action to address your actions. talk to your doctor and see of what help you can get from that avenue and to make sure your skin is ok and there is no underlying serious problem with it. pull together a plan and make a commitment to stick with. be loving to your skin rather than being at war with it. your daughter is at such an impressionable age right now and you can set an example one way or another for her but primarily choose the right example more for yourself. you can get assistance from your doctor or therapist or medications but you yourself will be the primary determination of your successfulness. time is of essence that you make a commitment. trust me, until you do the compulsion will always be with you and you will be me in your 50s desperately wanting to be over it still. i got frightened and turned to the internet to research answers to my fears and found a wealth of information on which to base the necessary changes i needed to make in my daily regimen and found this site as you did similarly and here i found the inspiration to pull a plan together and it has surprised the hell out of me that i made it one day without picking. even more so that i did two days in a row. after 7 i committed to the 40 day challenge that i'd previously thought to be a thoroughly impossible consideration and here i am 4 days from there now. this is to say that it is possible to do it. it is not easy, but it is possible. it takes a plan and a commitment and i'm hoping that it is that time for you to do that so you are not me, in your 50s, still waiting for the magic bullet or the stars to align. your skin is still pretty resilient at your age and at my age healing is a lot slower. the longer you wait, the more problems and scars there'll be. open up with your hubby about it, and perhaps he could be the person you can be accountable to if you can't be accountable to yourself. perhaps he'll be the support person you need. i'd think that very possible if he's not been on your case all along. i'm sure he's likely been aware of the issue and is quiet out of love for you. but you'd know best on how he could or couldn't help. but you alone must make the plan and commitment. when you do that is also up to you. hopefully, you will feel supported here in your efforts when you set on the task. i hope you'll read as much as you can here and on other sites and find the information and inspiration to begin loving your skin soon. all the best to you <3 <3 <3
moonowl
April 01, 2010
I haven't figured out whether my reply directly to a poster is visible to others on the thread yet...if so, my above reply was intended for you as well, Wildflower. If not, thank you so much for taking the time to reply and for your support. I've thought about talking to my husband about things. He's a wonderful person and very loving, but I think I'm just so scared of how he'll look at me...I've tried so hard to cover it up for so long, even to myself, but I have some major insecurity and abandonment issues stemming from my childhood...guess I should have dealt with them before since they keep popping up. Congratulations on almost 40 days!! I never would have thought I'd need to count the days with this before, but once I started actually paying attention, I realized how very hard it really is to go one day without picking at least a little. I was driving around today running errands and seeing all the people outside wearing shorts and thinking, if I could only go back to when I was 16 and didn't have to think about any of this, and then never start it...not that that thinking helps anything. Best of luck with your continued success! I will post if anything starts to improve for myself soon...
wildflower
April 01, 2010
thank you for the congrats ! :) as you'll see, the posts are visible for all. as for talking to your hubby, i feel confident that he'll be fine with you how you are. he loves you and i doubt it is about the makeup. i'm sure it's the whole package. and i believe he'll appreciate your trust in him. but again, you know him better than me. everyone is different. yes, counting days can be very illuminating. just know that it's possible to make headway. setbacks are only setbacks, not failures. begin anew if you have one and work on making the next string of days longer. learn what works for you and what doesn't. best wishes to you! <3 <3 <3
bm
March 31, 2010
Hi moonowl & welcome =o) I can't imagine what you are going through, but stay strong, take each day at a time. The only real advice I have is not to beat yourself up when you do pick - it'll only make you feel worse. Just re-focus on your goal, your motivations, and try to mentally 'reset' yourself. Good luck!
moonowl
April 01, 2010
Thank you for replying :) I try each day to 'reset' myself...it's sort of become a ritual, which may be good or bad. The problem is that I fall flat again way too often. Hard as I may try, I can't control every aspect of my environment as I might like to, so things get out of hand when I'm not paying attention. Then, as you're probably aware, it becomes a self-perpetuating habit. The more I pick, the more scarred I become and the worse I feel about myself. When I can't relieve the stress in other ways, it comes out by picking. I just wish there were some way to erase the scars...then maybe I could start over fresh...until then, my focus has been on trying to accept myself the way I am and live my life, but I don't really have the resources to be able to pull it off yet... I guess all I can do is keep trying...
wildflower
April 01, 2010
if you bandage up your sores to heal them they will develop soft scars which i think reduces scarring. and once you get yourself into a non-picking regimen, using vitamin e oil as a moisturizer should also work well to reduce scarring. and wrinkling! :) and yes, keep trying!
bm
April 01, 2010
When you aren't paying attention, it does get worse, but I do believe that that is a habit that will break if you keep reminding yourself not to - if you think about it, lots of kids have bad habits, and their parents remind them time and time again not to, until eventually they stop doing it. (Well, 99 percent of the time!), so that is sort of what you are doing for yourself. Is there anything you could do as a little stress-relieving ritual? Do you have time to sit down for a cup of tea or coffee with a friend, to have a good complaining session? Are you interested in yoga or meditation? Is there anywhere near you with a beautiful view that might make you smile? I also get frustrated by all of the things I can't control, so I feel your pain, maybe if we can deal with the root of that frustration, it will help us kick the picking? Be gentle with yourself, honey heals better than vinegar! (ok, not the best metaphor, but you know what I mean!)

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