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bm , 12 Apr 2010

setback

Hey guys, I got up to day 12 yesterday, then I had a session! I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, but I felt crap about myself anyway, which is what made me do it in the first place, and it's not helping! It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but a session is a session, so I'm back to square one =oc
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bm
April 12, 2010
So I just asked myself °why° I posted that (apart from the obvious relief of sharing) and I guess what I'd like to ask is - how are you all keeping yourselves on track? I know wildflower is trying to be self-loving instead of self-harming, so how are you doing that? Personally, I did the first few days through sheer will-power and then the rest were easier - my motivation was this face of a young woman in the mirror- my face - where there had previously been a spotty 22-year-old teenager. Not picking was my way of becoming this young woman I saw and leaving the spotty teen behind. But my relapse was a moment of inattention and self-loathing. Does anyone have any advice?
wildflower
April 12, 2010
yeah, i am trying to be self loving rather than self harming for sure. i'm also telling myself that my mind is in control, not my hands. i do have moments where anxiety almost gets the best of me, though, and it is tough. i tell myself that others might be making me upset about things but remind myself not to take it out on myself because i don't deserve it. and just because others might not treat me like i'd like to be treated, well i can be good to myself and treat myself respectfully and lovingly. a lot of positive self talk. i understand about inattention and have to keep on top of that too. i've come close, real close. but so far so good. *whew* :)
bm
April 12, 2010
thanks for replying so quickly, wildflower. It might sound silly, but I never thought of trying to talk myself out of it gently like that! I tell myself off when I know I'm about to be tempted, but no kind words... Probably why I'm still taking life out on my skin! And you're right, 12 days isn't bad. And I managed to stop myself before it got too bad. So it might not be as good as 13 days, but it's still better than 11. Thanks again, I'll sleep better tonight knowing that someone out there understands! =o)
wildflower
April 12, 2010
so sorry to hear about your setback. please don't be hard on yourself. 12 days was 12 days that you were good and your set back was a blip by comparison and if you did 12 days once, you can do 12 days again, and more. be proud that you got that far. and just get back on the horse with a smile and determination. <3 <3 <3

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