Beautiful Wreck

Hi there everyone. My name is Rachel, and i'm 19 years old. I have picked at my face since i was probably....five or so. The first time was when i had chicken pox. Anyways, i just wanted to share my story with everyone on this site. Now, ill start by saying i do not nearly have it all together. I barely have anything together, to be quite honest. I just have a desire to help people. Maybe you can relate. I, just like many of you, cannot leave the house without makeup. It's hard enough to get out of the house as it is. I, too, feel chained by this disorder and even more alone, as most people i see on a daily basis have beautiful skin. I am so tired of getting out of the shower and spending so much time putting on makeup. And i have done this for a good portion of my time. I would like to share with you a shorter story within my own, and that is a story about a teacher of mine in high school. It was winter, and she slipped on the ice. The ice cut up her face and left scabs all over it. She was someone who hadn't dealt with seeing these scabs on a regular basis, but cried in school almost every single day until her scabs were healed. I was just thinking about this as i was on this site, because...if someone who doesn't deal with the skin picking compulsion could barely stand seeing themselves for a few months, how STRONG are the rest of us to have been able to deal with this for such a long time? I think just the fact that we go through each day is enough. Despite relapses we continue to try to get help and help other people at the same time. This disorder is unlike so many others, because there are even fewer people that understand truly what's going on. Do we even truly understand it? It is one of those things that i think will be more understood as time goes on. But i just want people out there to know, beauty is truly not skin deep. I'm not saying i feel beautiful when i see my skin, but other people don't see it the way you do. I have been asked why i don't feel beautiful. That i am gorgeous inside and out. It's still hard to believe, but after a while, you have to trust in others words. On to my actual story...sorry... ill try to make it short. These are some of the underlying reasons to skin picking (for me), and that is important to know. There are underlying issues related to skin picking. I was adopted from birth from two very loving parents. I got behind in school and in third grade, i was made fun of for being stupid at my new elementary school. I think i have felt somewhat stupid since then. My middle school experience was decent, but in high school, i was never where i wanted to be in sports, especially. There was always someone ahead of me, it seemed. When i look back, it seems i am somewhat of a perfectionist. Just as i have to constantly try to perfect, smooth out and control my life, i have to do to my skin as well. A girl in high school got me to lose all my friends by means of rumors. I tore my ACL Junior year. i got cut from the basketball team my senior year, and i didn't get soccer captain my senior year either.A boy i had loved all of high school broke my heart. These things may seem minor to you, but everything that happens in our life is having an effect on our skin. Heartbreak and pain somehow make us want to literally pick on ourselves. But instead of describing ways to control this, although i so desperately wish we all could, i would like you, the reader, to look at the above paragraph and REALIZE: However deformed or unworthy or scarred you may feel, you are a FIGHTER. You continue to make it each day. And you will continue to make it each day forward. I hope you can see the beauty in yourself in the mirror, even if that means makeup covering wounds. You all have more courage than most people do. So, let's go out and face the world, taking baby steps and realizing our worth. Love, Rachel