Eureka!

So i finally realized how to really motivate myself to quit mutilating myself---make it impossible to hide/deny. I booked a trip to a beach. A top-less optional beach resort, no less. In the city, it's easy to wear long clothes and still look normal. But in an atmosphere of skin, skin, skin, I'd be as out of place as an Amish farmer at a rave. Six weeks ago, i started getting ready. I had up-wards of 35 scabs I needed to heal.. Most were very small but 5 were dime-sized or larger. Now, after 6 weeks, I have 11 left, all of which are mostly scarred over and just really red. At first, i just kept to my neo-sporin routine, and picturing myself in a bathing suit, looking like a leper. But, it was slow, rough going, I started mentally re-packing my suitcase, more cover-ups, body make-up. But this week, I found a miracle. Tepezcohuite pomade!!! It's a mexican burn and skin remedy made from ground tree bark. Bizarre!!!! But i'm using it 2x a day, along with neo and taking a hair skin and nails formula multi-vitamin, while upping my water intake. Whenever i want to take off a scab "just to check how well its healing" (yeah, self-delusion and I go way back) i rub more goop into it and put my clothes back on. the two scabs that were the worst 4 days ago are almost GONE! The combination of all this is really working, to the point that not only do i feel Very confident that the only reason i'll have to be embarrassed about my looks is being fat, and in mexico, that's not an issue, but i'm finding myself wondering what im going to do in the future, if there's nothing wrong with my skin to "perfect", what am i going to do? Start obsessively cleaning my house? i could start with the basket of bandages in all shapes and sizes, lotions, potions, creams, scrubs, masks, and everything else i've used to either get rid of the scabs or cover them up.