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allforyou , 28 Apr 2010

REASONS I AM SICK OF PICKING... WHAT ARE YOURS?

---CRAPPY USE OF TIME---time that could be spent working on my passions, with family, friends, pets, working out, reading, ...whatever suits your fancy .......all wasted-------CRAPPY ECONOMICALLY----i am so sick OF ZIT CREAM .... i have probably gone through several hundreds of bottles of clearasil since i began picking-----CRAPPY FOR YOUR SKIN, DUH-----scarring, enlarged pores, scabs, stretched out skin, over drying my skin with all those numerous and pricey products, and the worst is ....... creating extra zits that probably would have never formed if i wouldn't have put my greasy paws all over it in the first place!!!! ---COMPULSIVELY SHOWERING AFTER PICKING---to make myself feel better about picking....as if showering undoes the damage i have done???? ... or gives me a sense of further purification?????--------FEELING LIKE A PRISONER IN MY OWN HOME --------- feeling confined to my house for days on end.... because i picked and look FRIGHTENING ---- or LEAVING MY HOUSE AFTER PICKING AND HAVING TO HIDE MY FACE OR MY BACK OR MY CHEST --- with MY HAIR, CAKEY MAKE-UP, OR HATS, OR CERTAIN CLOTHES THAT COVER AREAS I'VE PICKED --- and --- FEELING LIKE LESS OF A PERSON --- due to SHAME for picking, FRUSTRATION, ANGER with MYSELF ........one vicious cycle ........... ----------PICKING AS A WAY TO JUSTIFY STAYING IN INSTEAD OF GOING OUT ... MAKING ME FEEL EVEN MORE LONELY --------picking because no one has called to ask me out that night and i am bored, lonely, letting feels of negativity take over................GARBAGE!!! SKIPPING CLASS , RUNNING LATE, MISSING APPOINTMENTS ALL TOGETHER =======IRRESPONSIBILITY DUE TO PICKING >>>>>>>>>> === -------------------------- i want to know WHY i pick ... why i started picking and haven't stopped ......what was the trigger?.........was it a culmination of things???? .....do pickers have things in common .... am i a masochist? am i passive aggressive? am i OCD? am i a control freak? do i want to make myself ugly? .... maybe i should talk to a psychologist ....................................................i don't know ... but i know in the end...........even if i were to find out why ............ i could maybe "BLAME" THIS or THAT .........but IN THE END ............ .i am behind the wheel ................. and it is up to ME .... to make this a thing of the past ..........................................................
19 Answers
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wildflower
April 28, 2010
allforyou, ..... great post ..... many of yours are many of mine ... and also, i always knew i was only fooling myself each time i told myself that i was doing the right thing ... that what i was doing was necessary ... that whatever in there had to be taken out by me ... that the wound's margins needed to be trimmed and flattened ... that there was more in there ... that it had to go at all costs ... now !... and couldn't be left alone ... that it would never come back if i got it all out ... that my skin would look better in the end ... that if they weren't there, i wouldn't pick ... that i wasn't obsessed, i just had a condition that needed attention .... that i knew best ... ............ i knew i was only fooling myself or i wouldn't have kept searching for the magic bullet ... the magic cure ... the right doctor that would cure me ....... it never ended ... day after day ... week after week ... year after year ... decade after decade ... it was going on too long !!! ... and then they were taking longer to heal ... longer and longer and the sores got larger and larger from just little bumps and i got scared ... could a systemic infection kill me? ... could it be MRSA this time? .... might it lead to amputation of my leg? ... yeah, i was that scared ...that's when i finally got sick of it all and it's control over me instead of my control over myself .... yes, i wanted to get behind the wheel too ... and it feels better there ... it truly does .... ☺☺☺ ... taking proper care of myself ... eating better ... caring for my skin better ... being loving to it rather than harming it ... yes, it feels better and it's looking better and better ... ☺☺☺
kcleberg
May 20, 2010
"...each time i told myself that i was doing the right thing ... that what i was doing was necessary ... that whatever in there had to be taken out by me ... that the wound's margins needed to be trimmed and flattened ... that there was more in there ... that it had to go at all costs ... now !... and couldn't be left alone ... that it would never come back if i got it all out ... that my skin would look better in the end ..." OMG, Wildflower, I have never heard another person say this, it is EXACTLY what goes through my mind!
wildflower
May 21, 2010
it's incredible what we tell ourselves. i'm less and less surprised that others think this way the more apparent it is that there are so many with this infliction. whereas once i though i was the only one that thought these thoughts there are all these topics upon topics of shared thoughts and experiences. i've come to terms with the denial and delusion that is so insidious about this all. wikipedia says it well at ....................................... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denial .................................i acknowledge that i have been in denial for much too long. and in denial of denial too. i've felt that i've known that too and refused to allow myself to consider it. now, though, i see how much denial and delusional thinking is part of it and must work to untwist my thoughts and beliefs even still with each setback i have. at least i've not succumbed to the horribleness of my past practices, but i must fight hard not to justify even what i've allowed myself to do in my recent past. i must rise above it. i believe i am intelligent. i believe i can address it. i've made great strides. i must forgive my imperfect behaviours but only to a point. i must not keep slipping up. i want to quit picking. i want healed skin. i've had a taste of that and it felt good. sores hurt. i need to be willing to live with imperfect skin. i need to accept imperfections. i must love myself for what i am. i must respect my skin and my body and do better at treating it well. i believe it is best to be more loving, accepting, responsible and respectful. that is healthier living. self harm is simply wrong. no matter the disguise.
antelopes
March 07, 2011
my reasons: --face not bleeding in public (this is so gross and has happened at work, at school...) --feeling free to go swimming without scabs or feeling too ugly to get in the water, i love the beach and swimming in a pool for exercise, but i don't go if i've been picking (which is often) --not waking up every morning dreading looking in the mirror....waking up dreading the whole day before i even get out of bed --i'm sick of going to bed with bandaids on my face. i don't sleep well --not feeling 'covered' up by makeup (i no longer carry a bottle of cover up in my purse. progress!) --not hiding my face in a scarf. i want people to see my face! --not missing out important events for myself and friends, not being able to live in the moment --when i don't pick i'm a kinder person. i feel like 'me' --i want to feel alive, not a ghost, or a 'shell' of a person --i'm sick of feeling so sad, and caring so much about what people think of my skin (or me, in generally)
40daysfromnow
May 16, 2010
Because of picking I am embarrassed to go workout with anyone other than my spouse because my makeup will come off and expose my sore face. Now I am unfit because of picking. I avoid swimming because of this also. In the summer, others can splash their faces with water to refresh: I'd love to do that but don't want my makeup coming off. I am afraid to be in a well lit room. I have ruined towels and facecloths with harsh face-washes. I have spent so much money on face products and dermatology appointments. Picking destroys my confidence. Picking makes me constantly self conscious and insecure. I need to stop so I can exercise and feel good about myself again.
lifeisbeautiful
May 18, 2010
ABSOLUTELY, allforyou! I am sick of skin picking for all the same reasons! It is a very odd behavior that keeps us ISOLATED and in a dark place of negativity and self-loathing. And for what? My therapist shed some light on the situation. Skin picking is not about self-mutilation. It's about pleasure and feeling good, and in my case feeling calm and centered, in the moment. Of course we feel terrible afterwards. I've read that it is an OCD-related behavior and is hard to treat. But that doesn't mean we cannot be cured! I believe I will get over this annoying addiction with therapy and support from others. So let's focus on the POSITIVE!!!!! These are some reasons I am motivated to STOP SKIN PICKING once and for all.1) I want to feel SEXY again! To have clear, healthy, glowing skin! 2) I want to feel CONFIDENT! To be able to look others in the eye when I talk to them. And to be able to go out in public and not worry about others seeing my healing skin under excess makeup. 3) I want to SWIM again. 4) I want to wear my hair back instead of having it around my face to hide the damage. 5) I want to ENJOY LIFE TO THE FULLEST! To be outside instead of in front of the mirror, spending time with the people I love doing the things I love. 6) I want to go to bed without having to put a lot of acne products on my skin! I don't want to feel embarrassed and ugly around my partner anymore. 7) I want to stop obsessing over my skin and get out there and LIVE ALREADY!!! I am ready to make the change from being a self-loathing skin picker to a woman who loves and accepts herself and is no longer ashamed. Who's up for the challenge?
janiegun619
November 17, 2010
Reasons I am sick of picking at my lower lip: I take so much time to do it and it hurts like crazy with a terrible sting. Blood gets on my fingers often. The redness and "incisions" become noticeable. I NEED Vaseline or medicated Chap Stick to feel a temporary relief after I finish. I am tired of lying to myself saying that I will finally let it heal for good. I just end up picking again and re-starting the painful process.
bloodyfingers
November 18, 2010
I'm the same way. I specifically need 'med-ex', this lip balm that comes in a blue pot to feel like i'm moisturizing the newly exposed skin or else an hour later it's dry and i'm picking deeper.
Want2bfree
November 17, 2010
Reasons?? I could write an essay lol Well most of you here have said it all for me. I can relate Sooooooo much to each of you. A few years ago I was determined to clear my skin as I had suffered from acne since I was 15, as I found things that improved my acne...the biggest being the paleo diet my skin has been soooo much better and I made a big effort to stop picking even the slightest blocked pore. I have learnt to trust my skin and that it will heal itself and doesn't need me giving it a hard time. I have also worked on the emotional side of things too...self acceptance and self love....with all of this my skin is generally pretty good. I may still have a few blemishes but I tend to leave them alone, and my picking has reduced to a more surperficial level, as in I don't dig into my skin so much...it's controlled by my shear will power to LIVE not just survive. Reasons to stop picking??? So I NEVER have to think about how my skin is looking before I go out and do something, or even just being able to be at home and feel comfortable, centered, at peace in my own skin.
kellybean327
December 22, 2010
My reasons - I want to wear a swimsuit and feel pretty, I don't want my little sister to ask what is wrong with the skin on my arms, I have better things to do with the hours I spend picking, I want to have smooth touchable skin, I want even skin tone, I don't want to feel like a freak, I want one less thing to complicate things between me and my boyfriend, I don't want to be in pain after a "session." The list goes on and on but those are some of the big ones.
sho1234
December 27, 2010
I completely agree. I want to feel in control again. I want to go out there and look like me again! I want to be able to wear nice summer clothes. Enjoy summer. Hold a job. Feel free. Show the world me and show em what i can be.
Shorty999
December 29, 2010
My Reason: I want to feel normal again...I want to only take 10 minutes to wash my face and put on make-up again like when I was in my teens. I don't want to feel ashamed and embarrassed to be around people. I want to feel confident again. I want to feel good again...not my skin being in pain and burning. I want to spend time with my significant other and get other things done instead of spend hours in front of the mirror. I really liked this forum...you hit it on the spot!
MissyMe
December 31, 2010
All for you, I don't know if you even still visit this forum but I just wanted to say that every single reason you've posted I can identify with!! It's as if I write the same forum every day. My reasons are entirely the same and I know I want to change but I don't know how to do it. I try for a few days and then I give up. I really really want to stop more than anything but I have no idea where to start. Where did you start? Melissa, 21, Canada
lisa2324
December 31, 2010
Yep, I'm the exact same way. I was doing really well for about 5 days and then something came over me and I just crashed and picked all over my body. I can't even look at myself without being overcome with shame and disgust. I want so badly to be able to conquer this once and for all.
allforyou
March 07, 2011
MissyMe, I have not checked this since this past summer ... Tonight was terrible; my mom always yells at me for picking my face -- I have been doing this for several years now and she just cannot seem to understand why I am doing it. (Nor can I) When she yells at me -- it makes it worse -- I am drawn to the mirror afterwards to do more damage. She screams and says "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! YOU WERE A PSYCHOLOGY MAJOR!!! YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THIS!!! IT IS JUST A HABIT -- YOU JUST NEED TO STOP!!! " It is frustrating -- I don't know what to do anymore. I think I am going to go to a psychologist. Maybe there are some underlying issues of anxiety/past pain that need to be dealt with. I don't know? But I do know I want to get better -- so I need to make this healing journey a PRIORITY. Wishing you well MissMe. PS - Would love to know how you are doing -- Sincerely, allforyou
anonymous31894
March 08, 2011
epic waste of time--takes away from hw, sleep, family, friends, and then more so because of the cycle it starts....huge damage to self-confidence...too much time getting ready in the morning...declining invitations...missing class...lies after lies after lies....scars...the zits that last a month and you find yourself remembering that no one could see it when you started with it..

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