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Jackydee , 13 Apr 2012

I'm new here ...and this is why I decided to join....

First I'll explain my story. I'm 18 years old, turning 19 april 25th :). I started picking at the age of about 13 once I started to get mild acne. Throughout middle school I was ashamed of my skin and it beat up my self-confidence pretty badly. I hated going to school and facing everyone and when I came home I would hide in my room and wouldn't even join my family at the dinner table because I was so ashamed. I would spend hours in the bathroom picking at my skin thinking it would make it better for some reason. Probably because it feels like you're making it better since it gives a feeling of relief. It was hard going through that in middle school since that's a vulnerable time going through changes and wanted to be accepted by everyone. I cared way too much about what everyone else thought so it took a toll on me. Once highschool came I got into makeup which I should probably throw out because if you think about it, it almost encourages your picking since now you're aware that when you pick, you can cover it up and pretend it didn't happen -__- Well that's what I've been doing up until now. Going through highschool and wearing make-up I gained a lot of confidence though so I owe makeup that one. Finally got my first boyfriend haha who I was very greatful for since I opened up about my skin condition and he supported me with it and tried helping me out which was very sweet. Unfortunately that relationship ended 2 and a half years later. (It ended August 2011) Even with his help though it still didn't really seem to do anything. I've become dependent on makeup and since I have to do the full coverage facial routine it can get pricey and I've always been one who prefers the natural look and wishes I could pull it off which is why I'm here. I'm sick of looking at my blemished, wounded skin in the mirror and it's time to put an end to that. I'm a pretty determined person when it comes to certain golas I want to achieve so I'm not giving up hope and never will until I have this accomplished hah. I liked to think I can do this on my own which is why I've been passing this site by but for some reason these past few weeks have been horrible and as I'm typing this up I just finished a picking session so I figured by joining others on their journey to healing and having extra strength and support, I can probably do this. I figured out how to cure my acne so if anyone would like to know how I did that just let me know but now I just got to learn to stop picking at my skin it should be gone but I'm still working on figuring out how to get rid of these scars. Anyways, it's time for a change and time for a stop to this situation so I would be very greatful for a support system from others and I'd be more than happy to lend my support back as well. Let's do this! :P
7 Answers
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Jackydee
April 13, 2012
I'm also thinking of youtubing it up haha well I was going to do vlogs not on dermatillomania but into my life vlogs then if I gain the courage I'll address my skin issue and probably track my journey.
SpottyFace
April 14, 2012
Hi Sweetheart, I really understand how hard it is to stop and the embarrassment that goes along with it. I'm almost 30 and I've been picking since early college. It seems that once I have the sores on my face, that its hard to quit picking because I think that I can "fix" them so they won't be as noticeable when I go out in public. Which, of course, is always a disaster. I know this might be hard to do with a busy schedule, but give yourself a few days to stay in and allow yourself to heal. For me, if I know that if I don't have to go out, its easier to just leave the sores alone and allow them to heal. Once the sores are gone, its easier to keep my hands off of my face. Also, try to stay a certain distance away from the mirror. Close enough that you can see what you're doing, but far enough that you can't see the microscopic imperfections. I hope this helps and Good Luck!!
Jackydee
April 14, 2012
Thank you :). I actually have been having a lot of time off to stay in and heal recently since my university classes have finished and now I just have studying to do for the final exams, but unfortunately I think that might be the reason why it's been worse these past few weeks. I think I might be the opposite and need a busy schedule or need to be with others since I don't do it while I'm in the public. Since I've been trapped inside studying I find myself getting bored and restless then before you know it I find myself covered in wounds -__- aha thats also without a mirror but yes when I do face the mirror it's definitely an issue as well and adds to it so I will try staying away from it. It'll take some time to break this habit so hopefully I can be patient and take the time to stop it I'll see how it goes :).
Jackydee
April 18, 2012
I was picking pretty much everyday these past 2 weeks but for the past 4 days I haven't picked :D making progress hopefully I can last this whole month I'm going to start tracking it on here every now and then. Basically I've just been gathering all the strength and will power I have and told myself over and over don't do it haha and pulled myself out of the bathroom when I notice I'm examining my skin it's kinda hard but my skin healed immensely within these past 4 days I can't even believe it so that's really pushing me to stop as well since that's a big reward.
Jackydee
April 18, 2012
annnd I spoke too soon -___- aha day number 5 which was today epic fail vgtcvkhgcjfgxhcgvj. lol it's all good just gotta bounce back restart and try to last even longer this time.
skinshame
April 18, 2012
i can relate with everything you have said, word for word. As someone who started in 7th grade, realized I had a legitimate problem around 11th grade and hit a low point around the age of 21, I want to tell you that the problem may feel suicidally out of control but it isn't insurmountable. I realize at this point you probably view this as a bad habit. Beyond the mechanics-the rush, and what it does for us as low-self-esteemed teenagers--the low afterwards--(it has much less to do with physical appearance than we realize) What really worked for me, as much as I loathe to say it, is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Its expensive with a psychiatrist, but I went from a low point of spending 3-5+ hrs a day obsessing, to a minor blemish every few weeks after two years with a awesome and supportive therapist, who I basically look to as my mother. I have a lot of resources if professional sources aren't an option... please, I know how hard this is to cope with, especially at 18 (i'm 25 now) feel free to e-mail me with any, any questions or thoughts at skinshame@hotmail.com.

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