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got2stop , 15 Apr 2012

Newbie here

Hi, I only discovered today that there was an actual name for this. I'm 27 years old and get spots fairly often, trouble is when I do I get this urge to pick them and its been going on for years. So much so that it now takes my skin ages to heal from the trauma. I cannot explain why I do it, and the feeling I get afterwards makes me feel so crap, I do not want to leave the house, see people or do anything. I pull sickies because I make it so bad and I am worried that it will eventually affect my relationship with my lovely boyfriend, who so far has been very understanding, but I don't know how long for. Anyway I had a pick a few days ago, well more of a squeeze really and I now have a big red lump, where the skin looks all crinkled and I am dreading going to work tomorrow but I know I have to. When I put makeup on it it looks no better as it all conjeals and goes cakey. I know I only have myself to blame for this and I really want to turn things around but right now I am just looking for a few words of kindness and support from anyone really. Thanks x

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got2stop

April 16, 2012

Well, it's 4.30 in the morning and I'm up all ready examining myself and wondering how I'm going to make myself look ok enough to go to work. But I know that when I do get to work I will be in and out of the toilets all day, checking myself, worrying about what other people will be thinking. I don't think I can take much more of this...all I seem to do is count down the hours until I can go to bed so I can go to sleep and so not have the need to keep checking, touching. That's the only time anything gets to heal. I feel so low at the moment. I can't take much more of it. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

toomuchpressure

April 16, 2012

Hello! first of all...so glad you found this site! I hope you are ready to join the long and hard journey of healing that we are all going on right now! You are beautiful. I know it's hard to see that but you are! To make you feel better...I just had an hour long pick session and totally destroyed my progress...why did I do it? i was probably a little overstimulated and I also had a bad day. I took the emotions out on myself and now I have to face work in the morning...I only dread what I will look like when I wake up. BUT there is hope! you are not the only one going through this and we all understand exactly what is troubling you. Be strong. Forgive yourself. You will get through this...The journey is long but we can do it! I have so much faith in you! believe in yourself! I know you have probably gotten to that point when you look in the mirror and cry...regret your actions...think you are the ugliest thing on the planet...or any number of things that NO one should ever do! It's okay to not be okay. We are on your side and we understand. If you have trouble because you always look in the mirror...cover your mirrors! If you need a mirror to get ready for work...get a small rectangular mirror that you can prop up each day...but at all times...keep it hidden. Put a pair of gloves or mittens on when you get home . Wear a jingly bracelet. Pray. Drink lots of water and eat well. Avoid touching your face and body and all times. One of the biggest things I have an issue accepting is that people don't' really care or notice! sure you get those occasional curious people but think about it this way...do you have friends who have naturally acnaic skin and they go every day without makeup and with confidence? well you are still friends with them right? of course you are! at the end of the day...only the judgmental will care and even then...they are too self-obsessed to care about you! Don't worry so much about others...focus on taking care of yourself first! Much love and luck! Toomuchpressure

MysteriousSunshine

April 16, 2012

You have my support. I truly feel for and thoroughly understand this condition. It is amazing all of the similarities. Prior to this website, I honestly thought that I was alone. I too, have spent countless hours examining and destroying my face. Similar to others, sometimes there is little sleep and going to work with all of the wounds can be devastating. But...I feel proud when I do go to work and face reality rather than hiding at home. After a recent picking session, I looked at the following day as a new day. Don't beat yourself up. This is only temporary. I am here if you need any support. We can conquer this together. Take care and be kind to yourself.

got2stop

April 16, 2012

Thank you both so much for your replies. It really is overwhelming to hear from people who totally understand what I am going through. I no longer feel alone and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me now that I have been able to open up about this. Well, I made it into work today and as I have been so busy, I have been able to get my head down and just work away, which took my mind off things a bit. I still kept checking my face at every available opportunity, but, like the picking that's another habit I really need to get out of. I did feel proud of myself for making it through the day, and I even plucked up the courage to go into the chemist and ask if there was anything I could put on my scabs to make them better! That's something I would never have dreamed of doing until today - I think finding this website has been the wake up call I need - and they recommended some witch hazel gel. I can't describe the relief though, when I finally got home tonight and washed all my conjealed make up off. I have to say things are looking a teeny bit better, and the witch hazel seems to have calmed the redness down a fair bit, so I would definitely recommend it to you. It has also reduced my urges to keep touching it, which has got to be good! I really want it to be looking a lot better for the weekend as I am planning on taking my boyfriend out to say thanks for putting up with how I have been lately as it must be so hard for him. Anyway that's all for now, I think I will be back on here each day to update my progress to help me and anyone else who cares to read - it just feels such a relief to be able to talk about it to people who really understand xx

got2stop

April 17, 2012

Well it's day two of the rest of my life and I have to say I am really pleased with how I'm healing. The witch hazel gel seems to be doing the trick, the sore is less red, I can feel it scabbing (which I will not be picking off!) and I feel happier in general! I haven't picked for a few days now and I am seeing myself get better with every day. Hope everyone else is doing good x

got2stop

April 22, 2012

Hi, well its been a week since I joined this site, after discovering that there was a name for this condition and lots of other people like me. I had made a big sore on my face after squeezing a spot and finally decided enough was enough and that I had to beat this somehow. I started the week feeling really crap but as the week progressed I have been so good about not touching my skin and letting it heal itself and I have watched it improve day by day. I also have been listening to a stop skin picking hypnosis CD and I think it is helping me loads. I had a bit of a lapse on Thursday though when I just had to have a go at a big whitehead which appeared on my cheek :( but after doing it I managed to keep my hands off and by the next day it was much better! So I just want to say to everyone that there is hope, I know it is early days for me yet and its going to take a lot of will-power and determination to completely get over this but I am amazed by how much better I feel at the moment and really hope it will last.

AngelSkin

April 22, 2012

Sending positive vibes your way. Hope its going well - I feel like youre in a very similar situation to me; same age, not really talked about it, ashamed about it with your boyfriend, and finally decided enough is enough. This site has really reduced my compulsion somehow and so I come here often for motivation. Good luck!

got2stop

April 22, 2012

Thanks AngelSkin, its good to hear from people in the same position. I agree with you, this site has really helped me too. I made a list of reasons why I should not pick at my skin and at the top was i don't want to lose my boyfriend. Its bad enough it affecting you but when it makes someone else's life affected too thats when you have to stop. Good luck to you too and look forward to hearing about your progress x

m.alex

April 22, 2012

This is my first visit to this site, although I have known I'm a "neurotic excoriator" for ten years. I have been picking at my skin since I was a toddler. Some of my earliest memories are of being in the tub and watching the bath water turn pink. Now I am in my forties and have been hospitalized a couple of times with staph in the lymphatics. I spent a couple of Christmas' ago in the ER on a vancomycin drip. Although it's no longer actively infected, over a year later, that wound is still open. (My dermatologist put me through a wound healing clinical trial which would have been great were I not picking as actively in my sleep as in my waking hours.) I've tried several behavior modification approaches with counselors as well as fluoxetine, fluvoxamine, sertraline, venlafaxine, escitalopram, bupropion, Paxil, nortriptilene, Doxepin, Geodon, Serzone... many of these did wonders for mood and overall state of mind but the excoriating behavior was unchanged. I guess because ultimately, I find it immensely pleasurable as I am doing it. Heaven knows, not afterward, but during... nothing compares. Other factor is that the itch associated with healing is unbearable. Next stop's calamine lotion. If one more practitioner tells me to cut my nails and wear mittens I am going to pee my pants laughing. I would do this in my sleep if I were without hands at all. And I wonder why I should even bother stopping now. The scars are so pervasive I am ruined over many parts of my body (upper arm, upper back, buttocks). I'm an artist at deflecting peoples' questions at this point. I'm well educated, well employed and physically fit otherwise. I wish I could be MOTIVATED to quit this. Can anyone at all relate? Has anyone else integrated this so thoroughly into their identity that they hardly question it anymore, and band-aids are just part of the household budget?? Outrageously swollen lymph nodes are just "good company"?

Mafalda

April 22, 2012

Hello I have just found myself today about this website, and the whole dissorder really. I have known for ages there was something wrong, but I can´t do anything to stop it. I started when i was 12, I´m becoming 26 in a month. Today was the last time I did it. Usually I start when i do my eyebrows, and i don´t stop until eveything is out. I feel miserable becuase there´s not a single inch in my face free of the scratches and pickings. On days like today, I don´t go out, I stay in, I eat as much as I can, and when i look at myseld in the mirror I call myself ugly. Sounds a bit of an exageration but that´s what i do. I am having trouble with my boyfriend because of this as i am forever trying to hide it. I´ve got as far as picking my face when i´m in the changing rooms in shops because the light is better, and then come up completely red.

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