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new day girl , 30 Apr 2012

One day at a time. Feel free to join in!

I feel incredibly thankful to have found this website. I don't know about all you but I have lived most of my life thinking that I was the only one who had this problem and because of that I have so much shame associated with my picking habit. I've been struggling with this for about 16 years. I've tried to conquer the skin picking at least a hundred times (literally) and failed usually within a week. I've come to realize that I can't do this on my own. It's become a cycle of trying so hard to stop, caving into my anxiety and habit and then feeling ashamed and hopeless. Yesterday at church the message was titled "The Me I Want to Be" and we focused on things in our life that hold us back. Habits, destructive behavior, ect. Our pastor asked these questions for us to internally process: Am I keeping my struggles to myself? Am I isolating myself from others? When are the times when I am most likely to fall? Do I have defined boundaries in the area of my weakness? Are there things that I need to remove from my life today? As I pondered these questions I felt this battle rising up within me. I know I can't fix this compulsive disorder on my own but I'm not ready to give up. The first step I'm taking is to realize I can't do this on my own. I'm praying to the One who created me. I'm recognizing that He knows me better than I know myself. The second step is to share this someone/anyone and I figured this forum is the perfect place to be open and honest. I plan on posting daily as to my progress in taking steps to find freedom from the skin picking. Feel free to join me! After trying just about everything on my own and failing, I believe I need to find counseling. That is something else I'll be working toward. I want to be as real and open as I possibly can in these posts. I hope you can find encouragement and hope. Oh yeah, and here's just a little about me. I'm a 28 year old mother of a 3 year old and we're expecting a little boy in October. We live in Oklahoma.
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Pepper8801
May 04, 2012
I live in the southeast corner of Oklahoma and have not been able to find anyone to help me with this. I am a 29 yr old mother of 2 and my youngest was drawing a pic one day of me & his dad and he put red dots all over my face in it and then showed it to me. He said these are your hurt spots mom. I pic everywhere! It makes me feel so ashamed. I don't like being doped up on OCD and anti-depressant meds. I want to be able to do this myself. I am so glad I found this site because now I don't feel all alone. I can now discuss all the questions I was to afraid to ask before. No one around me understands how hard this is or that it is not something that I can control. I have tried and failed within a day.
new day girl
May 04, 2012
Hey, I'm so glad you found this site. I'm new here but it was such a relief when I found it. I live in Northeastern Oklahoma, so we're close! I've had a similar thing happen where my two year old daughter tried to pull me away from the mirror, so embarrassing and shameful! We're all in the same boat. Hope you can find some encouragement and support here. There IS hope!
thinbutugly
May 08, 2012
You can do it. Its so hard I know. I also take pills for depression and bipolar. Today my doctor asked me If I had ocd for the first time. I found this website last night, I was thinking to myself I must have ocd and decided to try and look on the internet. This morning I knew what was coming when I went to the doctor. I have impetego for the third time and have had it tis time for almost 6 weeks. I am so sick iand I am not getting better. I need to stop. I take deep breaths all day too keep myself from crying and try not to talk to much incase I break down.
skreed29
May 04, 2012
day 3 went well. im getting frustrated though, just waiting for my face to heal. i really hate this part. i know how pretty i can feel when im more comfortable with my face and i want it so bad, i know keeping up with not picking is the only way i will get there again, but i feel like i have worked so hard and i deserve it now. on a lighter note, yesterday i wore a strappy sumer dress! i cant remember the last time i have shown my shoulders and back in public. i have some mild scarring on them from previous picking, but nothing really noticable from a distance. by now they are most tiny light pink dots. i fet comfortable in it in public and it was really liberating. i already messed with 3 annoying spots on my chin this morning (morning of day 4), but i stopped myself, and i wouldnt consider what i did picking. let's hope i can stay far enough away from the mirror that i dont do something worse.
new day girl
May 04, 2012
You can do it! For me, it's almost easier not to pick when my skin starts to really look better. It's when it's looking bad that I think, "well, it's already a mess so it doesn't matter anyway" Maybe you could challenge yourself to not even look in the mirror (even from a distance for 3 days). I'll have to do something drastic like this soon when my face starts driving me crazy. The only times I'm seriously tempted are when I'm touching my skin or looking in a mirror. Wearing a summer dress is a great win! Gotta celebrate the small things, right : )
new day girl
May 04, 2012
Day 4 was another good day! Just picked at two spots (usually it's the two that are looking the worst and really bothering me). I don't allow myself to re-pick at anything the following day though. I'd like to get to a place where I don't feel the need to pick at anything but for now this is an attainable goal for me. I'm proud that, so far, I have enough self control to stop at two. Anyway, doing well other than the wandering hands that pick at something before I think about what I'm doing throughout the day. Enjoying my skin as it starts to clear up and look pretty.
skreed29
May 05, 2012
yayyyyy! so good to hear (: i think that being able to pick at 2, and then stop yourself is almost more of a test of your will than not picking at anything at all. for me, picking at one tiny spot will often throw me into a picking frenzie. having the strength to stop before it gets out of hand after starting is something i have only been able to do a few times ever. praying that both of us can stay strong and overcome this
skreed29
May 05, 2012
day 4. went well (: i dont know why i am doing so well with this, but i wont question it because i am so grateful and beginning to have some real hope that i can beat this compulsions booty. really excited to keep it up, heal, and feel beautiful again! its spring time! what a wonderful time for such a wonderful change.
skreed29
May 06, 2012
day 5 was successful. starting to get really anxious though when i look in the mirror ):
skreed29
May 07, 2012
day 6 went okay... its getting really hard but i think im seeing real progress finally
new day girl
May 07, 2012
Feeling the same way, it's really getting hard now. If we can make it through this part though, we'll be so much stronger for it! Thanks for posting, knowing that I'm not alone is really helping me stay motivated.
new day girl
May 07, 2012
Day 5 and Day 6. I was busy this weekend and so that helped to keep my mind off my skin. At the moment, I have a lot of breakouts though and I had several times over the last few days were I was picking at my shoulders without really thinking about it. I wasn't in the mirror which means I didn't intentionally decide to go pick, so that's good. It's just so hard to find the self-control when my hand feels lots of bumps all over. And somehow in the moment, I say "I'm not really picking" completely deceiving myself. This is the hardest part for me. When my skin looks horrible, but feels clear, like after days and days of picking, it's easy to resist picking. But when my skin starts to breakout again after about a week, it drives me nuts. This is make or break time. I'm praying for strength. Here's to a strong 7th Day!
skreed29
May 08, 2012
ahhh i know ! this is the worst part. the picking makes you break out worse than you did when the breakouts you already had were making it so irresistable to pick. i dont know if this happens to everyone, but a lot of times my new breakouts are really itchy and irritating, making it impossible to stop thinking about them. we have to get through this part though, just a few more days until we are on the road to physical improvement ! (:
new day girl
May 08, 2012
Yes, it's the worst. I can see the tiniest spots on my face and arms that no one else would ever notice. I think one of the keys for me to get through this is to learn to be okay with having skin that doesn't feel smooth. I'm never going to have completely flawless skin but I think I can have healthy looking skin if I stop picking and find a good skin regimen. The perfectionist in me wants to "get rid of" the smallest of imperfections but then I end up looking so much worse.
skreed29
May 08, 2012
day 7. still doing okay. im starting to actually miss picking, not just getting anxious that i know i cant, but missing it. if i can get over it this time, i will be so grateful, but im also thinking about the fact that it will still tempt me for the rest of my life, i will have to make a consious effort not to pick forever.
new day girl
May 08, 2012
Day 7 I stuck to the plan. A whole week, that's something to celebrate! Feeling more confident with all of this. It's definitely hard with my skin really breaking out at the moment but I guess if it wasn't hard, I wouldn't be moving forward with each choice. I can't wait for my new Paula's Choice exfoliating gel to arrive in the mail!
thinbutugly
May 08, 2012
I am not religious in any way but I do feel that many religions send out a good message. I have a psyciatrists and he does not know about my picking. I should talk to him I wish you the best of luck and I send you and your family my love. I know you can do it.
new day girl
May 08, 2012
Thank you. I really appreciate your support. I'm definitely thankful for the message I heard at my church that day that gave me the push to face this part of my life. I wouldn't describe myself as "religious" simply because I have always been a skeptical person and have so many questions about faith. At the end of the day, though, I do believe in God. Love my church, we strive to create an environment where people are given space and where atheist, agnostic and believer can together try to figure things out. I hope you do talk to your psyciatrist. I need to find a counselor that specializes in OCD too. I think I could maybe get to the root of what causes my anxiety and causes me to pick at my skin as a result. Best wishes to you.

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