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james87 , 03 May 2012

Back to square one

I had gone for three months without picking, but yesterday I relapsed. I was able to go for so long without doing it by simply thinking 'The picking only makes it worse, let it be and get the great skin you deserve'. As time went by I actually forgot to count the days without picking, I had forgotten this terrible habit. I started dating again and I met some very interesting people. I can honestly say I can't remember I've been as happy in a long time as in the three months of time without picking and the skin was near flawless. As I've never had acne of any level, I don't know why I started to deliberately destroy my face yesterday. Now I have the biggest, most painful red marks I've ever had. It's back to square one, may the healing process begin. I feel like I have a good life, but this is totally devastating and frustrating. Simply one relapse is making me depressed for a long time, because I don't like to go out at all as long as I have these monsters on my face. When I say at all I really mean it, I love jogging for example but it is not possible for a while. Now I'd only like time to go by and the skin heal. I took some photos of the results of my actions and promised myself never to forget this day. I just had to get this out of my system, even though it might sound ridiculous.
6 Answers
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Nicoley
May 06, 2012
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Last week was the first time I wore a t shirt outside in 3 years. Then that night for some reason I picked at my face and body worse than I've done it in a really long time. Since then I've been inside waiting for my skin to heal so I can go back outside and exercise at the gym. Exercise and fresh air would help my skin heal faster but I'm way too ashamed of it. When I read the title of your post I knew what you meant. It's like no matter how much progress you make it can all be thrown away so quickly. I don't know the point of me telling you all this.. I know it won't make much of a difference. But I don't know anyone that has this problem and it's so strange to read about people that have felt like I do. Thank you so much for sharing.
james87
May 06, 2012
Thanks for the reply Nicole. I can relate to everything you just said. It's like we never learn from the consequences of picking. One short picking session can make the next few weeks an unsociable hell. We need to try to learn from the mistakes. I thought I could make the skin better by picking, but instead made it much worse. This time I've taken pictures of the crimes against my face as a reminder not to pick and started the count of days without picking. Like most of the people on this forum, I would have a near perfect skin if there was no picking, so it's kind of a self-esteem lowering waste...
Nicoley
May 07, 2012
You're brave for taking pictures of it. That's a good idea but it's scary. It's scary just to see myself in the mirror after I've hurt my skin. Going 3 months without doing it is a really long time. Since I started the longest I've gone for was about two weeks. The funny thing is every time I stop I feel like I'm gonna stop forever. You know? Like it's over with and I'll never have to deal with it again. It's hard to handle all the disappointment when I lose control over my hands and have to start over. Although it's torture in a way it's made me a better person. Less shallow and not as quick to judge others.. More patient.. More thankful for my skin and my body when it does heal. It made me realize that the people who really care about me don't care what I look like. They're lessons learned the hard way but lessons nonetheless. Once I do get over it for good I'll be a changed person inside and out.
West
May 23, 2012
OMG it is like you lifted the words straight out of my head. I just relasped as well and it is bad. I fact the worst I think I have ever done. my skin was so pretty before I started. Now I dont want to leave the house or have any person see me. Especially the person I am dating.
anderson2
May 23, 2012
This is my first time visiting this site/writing. I clicked on your post as it rang a bell; I just ran home for lunch and was crying to my husband that I wished I knew of someone "typical" (sort of like myself; am a teacher in her mid-twenties who is married, has a house, dog, and is due to have a baby in October) that suffered from similiar issues. I've had skin picking issues for about eight years; I did counseling, and it went pretty well, but I've always hated counselors, so after two successful months I quit going. What I've really wanted is to talk to people who have personally dealt with these issues, and hear what has worked for them. My picking habit has been pretty regular since them. Today is especially hard as I feel ugly and depressed, and tomorrow I have an ultrasound to see my baby and learn the gender and am not even excited about going -- I feel extremely guilty and alone. I also have some family functions this weekend that I was looking forward to, but am now dreading. Having said all that, I was excited to see this site and relieved to read about people who are like me and trying to live a normal life. Thank you for helping me relate to someone, and best of luck to you; I know it can be extremely difficult and painful.
jillybean
May 25, 2012
To those who have relapsed- please remember what it felt like to have stopped picking, even if only for a little while. I have only just found about this disorder, and like others thought it was only me, it helps a bit knowing I'm not the only one and the condition actually has a name. I will have to find the courage to seek some medical help, lucklly I have the support of my husband- cannot imagine what it must be like to be alone. Any chance of setting up a way of getting a group together ? I would certainly start one, I am in the south Wales area.

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