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peaceplease , 10 May 2012

My cure, not for everyone, perhaps.

I'm 90% better. Being so much better is a surprise side effect of something personal I've been dealing with. It is a surprise, but it also makes sense. I'll explain: For me, picking was a time when my brain could wander. It worked the other way too, if my brain wandered, I would find myself picking. Over the past few years I've been able to observe, almost as another person, what my thoughts were, and how they interacted with picking. Something that I noticed was the types of things my mind would wander to. 1. going over things I had or had not done correctly. 2. thinking about how others understand me. 3. dissociation/creative thinking, like writing music, plays and poetry in my head-positive, but also, escapist. I'll continue in a few posts below so that it easier to read. I really dislike how there are no paragraph breaks allowed here. The formatting issues make posts frustrating to read, and reduces feedback and available support!
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peaceplease
May 10, 2012
The surprise came a few weeks ago. My mother had been telling lies to me again, and also about me. She's not super stable, but not in the AXIS 1, crazy category. She has a personality disorder that puts her completely off-line once in a while. She does things to sabotage others, tells crazy stories and then blames it on other things, like whatever meds she was taking at the time, or a misunderstanding that makes no sense.
peaceplease
May 10, 2012
I've called her out on lying to me before, and had years at a time of not being in touch with her. This time was different. Instead of just dealing with the lies, I told her in a letter, what I thought the root of the problem was. That she was damaged from inter-generational abuse and that this damage was affecting her behaviour and our relationship.
peaceplease
May 10, 2012
Since I sent the letter, she has been telling more lies about me to family. It has been upsetting and I have had to be proactive about protecting myself. But, I have barely picked. often times, when I have been upset, I have stayed up late avoiding picking, only to end up picking for hours anyway. Somehow I seem to have more strength.
peaceplease
May 10, 2012
If you have bullshit in your life, contaminating your thoughts and raising your general anxiety level, get it out. You may notice a similar feeling. I'm 34 and have been doing this my whole life. It isn't a miracle because it still requires that I don't pick out of sheer habit.
peaceplease
May 10, 2012
If picking is a way for you to be able to think clearly about difficult topics or if it is a way for you to "go away" or "check out"... What are you checking out from? Get rid of it! And then, use every skill you have to stop picking. I would never ever say that it was easy to tell my own mother to stay away from me and my life. it won't be easy for any of you to get rid of what is ailing your mind either, or else you would have already. But, I really think it will help. All my best to all of you!
Knao
May 10, 2012
Wow, thats really encouraging. My sister had a similar experience. She had dermatillomania for ten years and she wrote a letter to our mum that she never sent, but it made her feel better about her upbringing. I've had dermatillomania for four and a half years, and i'm not sure what the cause is, or what i need to get rid of, but hopefully i will find out in my counselling sessions. Thanks for sharing your story, it means a lot.
peaceplease
May 11, 2012
My mom is particularly poisonous. I've been practicing careful distance with her for years (since I was a pre-teen) to protect myself and it made such a difference in my day to day life. Yet, I still had this one area that seemed so completely out of my control. I feel so much calmer now. And the funniest thing is, I never realized how wound up I was all of the time. I certainly knew I experienced anxiety because that is quite uncomfortable. But even with that, I would just bottle it up and carry on as if I could handle everything. It turns out that I can!! But only if I have 3-4 hours a day to pick at my body. Now I have so much less anxiety and it is freeing me from a habit that I thought I would never lose. The very best of everything to you, and perhaps some time I will hear from you what you ended up getting rid of and how it worked.
egmama2
May 14, 2012
just found this website...had skin picking prob since puberty at least. my mother and father both struggle with it and I adopted after puberty breakouts...PCOS so have been broke out since. I have managed to stop picking a few different times over the years only after I have realized it is linked to anxiety....didnt know I had anxiety until a few years ago. Your story sounds so familiar as I too have had to tell my mother that she can not be in my life...that was 12 years ago and I still struggle. Just realized that after seeing her the first time after 12 years (was a not so great surprise viewing) and I have picked (no pun intended) up old habits. I was thinking here we go again with the testosterone and PCOS must be kicking up but I realize due to your post that it was seeing my mother again and the anxiety of the whole situation. Must get back on the wagon...I have beat this many times by getting rid of "stinkin thinkin" and telling myself "I love my skin" "I am at peace"...deep breathing and washing my hands everytime I pick. It has really worked in the past...didnt realize how far off I was again...except when I looked in the mirror every morning...must do better. Thanks for all your help and best wishes on your journey.

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