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skreed29 , 24 May 2012

my progress

my name is sarah, i live in southern indiana. im 18 years old and have been picking since i was about 10. i am mildly ocd, and have been literally since i can remember but didnt understand it when i was younger, looking back its very obvious though. i also have bdd(body dismorphic disorder) probably since about 7th grade, and i pick at my skin compulsively. right now i mostly pick at my face, even though at some points in the past i have picked at my back, chest, arms, legs, and pubic area. thankfully, these places are now healed for the most part and very nice looking. i have never felt close to my parents(who were divorced when i was 2, my brother was 5) or most of my family. i would say my closest relative is my older brother. he suffers with a lot of the same issues as me. i live with my boyfriend, who i have been with for a little more than 2 years, he tries to be supportive of my picking compulsion but i think its very hard to understand when you arent in the same boat. i consider myself to have a very beautiful body, and when my face isnt covered in spots and wounds and scars, its awfully cute too, but the picking is holding me back from feeling good about myself. i graduated highschool recently and am taking some time off (no work or school) to heal on the inside and on the outside. im going to post here everyday, maybe even more than once to just post my progress and thoughts about the day, or if i find something new and helpful. at the moment i am 3 days clean (: going on 4
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skreed29
June 04, 2012
so i made it 2 weeks ! longer than ever. now to make it another week. im so happy and hopeful that my battle with picking will be over soon (: im going to win.
skreed29
June 05, 2012
feeling sooooo good tonight (: (: (: i have been eating really well lately and just doing nice things for myself. its showing in my face and everywhere and i am just so happy right now !
skreed29
June 06, 2012
so i picked ): on the 17th day. this sucks. i didnt cry, which is suprising because i usually do. i picked worse than i have in several months. there was a lot of blood and my face hurts in some places ): i got too comfortable looking in the mirror, because i thought i just wouldnt pick anymore..... im dumb and mad at myself ): i need to move on but its gonna take a while to recover from this. im thankful it was just my face but it really really sucks still.
skreed29
June 07, 2012
starting to feel better (: all i can do is move on and stop dwelling on it. i cant look perfect today, or tomorrow... but i will be closer than ever in a week or two because im gonna break my 16 day record this time around.
Sarah-108
June 07, 2012
That's the right way of thinking about it. :) Right now I know my skin looks like crap, but guess what? I haven't picked in 2 full days and I gave up my tweezers! I gave them to my boyfriend who is out of town for work for the next 20 days. I want to heal up my eyebrow area (my problem area) by May 20th so I can get my eyebrows waxed for the first time ever. I have never gone without plucking, so this feels twice as hard for me, but I know plucking is what caused me to start picking that area in the first place. First, it used to be my chin and nose... As of right now I actually have 2 other spots on my face because I went back to a few old habits and picked the other areas I try to stay away from. My eyebrows are the last thing I have to conquer. I might not look perfect today, or tomorrow, or for the next week, but I know that the longer I go without picking the more beautiful and confident I will feel. We just have to think about the future. :)
skreed29
June 10, 2012
3 days without picking (: my face is looking better than it has in a while, and today im staying in and not putting makeup on so i can heal faster (: hoping today goes well, i know it will. eating healthy and working out helps me respect myself and put more effort into looking good and NOT PICKING. excited for the near future of my face (:
skreed29
June 12, 2012
i picked. on what would have been the 6th day. i picked A LOT. it really sucks. all i want is to be healed and beautiful, and IIIIIII ruin it. i am the one who ruins it for myself, i dont get it. im cancelling my plans today and not putting any makeup on (because i cant really, with all the oozing bleeding wounds all over my face). and im gonna do the best i can to get on with the healing process. im very depressed. it takes a few days after i pick for my face to feel back to normal and for me to feel like some healing is actually starting to happen. i dont know why i do this and i dont know why i cant stop ): especially when its the most influential thing in my life and in a HORRIBLE way. its destroying my self confidence and leaving scars on me that will never go away. i was excited to heal my face and be like.. comfortable going swimming in public this summer, but i have this feeling in my gut that even if i stopped picking today, the hyperpigmentation and the scars on my face will never go away enough. ill never be comfortable in front of people without makeup on. horrible day ): i need a good distraction
Sunny89
June 13, 2012
I'm also trying to get over this addiction! I have been picking my face and my chest for almost 8 years now. I live in Finland and I'm 23 years old. I live with my boyfriend, we've been together for 6 years now. My bf has been very supportive, but he doesn't quite understand what dermatillomania is about! I really really want to get rid of this habit, because I feel like it's taking the control of my life! I also picked today a little, not much though, but I do have a couple of red spots on my face. Tomorrow we're going on a little road trip and I think that was the trigger! I alwas feel like I have to be "perfect" for any event (seeing my friends, family members, going out somewhere), but usually just end up picking my face, feeling ashamed and then cancelling everything! I feel like picking calms me down.. in some strange way. Sorry to hear that your day wasn't that good! :-( Remember, it may take months and years before getting over this, so don't be too harsh on yourself. Let's take one day at a time!
twiggy
October 05, 2012
Even though I'm 4 years sober (drugs) ...every day it's a struggle. I think about it all the time. Even though I'm not using it's still consuming. It still has such a hold on me, my life. I know I will stop picking. I stopped what I was doing 4 years ago I can surely (in given time) stop picking. You don't need a distraction, you need a solution. A distraction is only temporary, you need something permanent. Tomorrow is another day :-) you start it with a clean slate
skreed29
June 21, 2012
i stopped posting for a while but its gotten bad lately and i need to come back. i need some help. i picked today, this evening, really really bad. i also picked yesterday, pretty bad also. im gonna stop counting the days in a row, and just post daily. a day with no picking is a success, even if its only the first in a row, and i need to start thinking that way. im crying now, really depressed and scared that im getting back into my old patterns of just tearing the shit out of my face every day or every other day like i used to. i really need support from you all, im having a hard time with lots of things and i really really really need to recover from this more than ever. i need to move on, i need to stop making more nasty permanent scars on my face. i need to let myself be pretty. its killing me. so im posting everyday, no matter what. no more 6 days in a row. im just gonna talk about that day. i have been getting too close to the mirror lately, honestly a forcefield around my mirror that kept me atleast 3 feet away would really maybe solve my problem.
Suetam2
June 21, 2012
Stop stressing about it! You're getting more and more anxious about the number of days. You need to relax and be calm. Maybe try meditating or something. But the more you stress and become anxious, the worse it will get. Just try to relax. Think positive. You are beautiful. Inside and out. Already.
skreed29
June 21, 2012
thank you so much. that was just the gentle slap in the face that i needed to move forward (: im gonna do what i can to not even think about my face or picking today or tomorrow or the next day, and then i will be healing big time !
new day girl
June 21, 2012
I so feel your pain. I've not been doing to well over the last week. I'm just not sticking to my boundaries. Maybe we need to make a cage around our mirrors : )
skreed29
June 21, 2012
im sorry to hear that but we are gonna get through it. i promise. im feeling better today (even though my face is a train wreck), and ready for a fresh start. we do ! we do need to make a cage around our mirrors. the only question is.. how ? ill brainstorm today (:
skreed29
June 21, 2012
feeling a million times better today. last night as i was laying in bed, too angry at myself to sleep i was thinking about the times im most likely to pick, and the things i can do that make me much less anxious and less likely to pick. i realized that literally more than 99% of the times i have a picking session its before a shower (i shower once in the morning and once before bed), which is probably good because thats when i wash my face and if i picked in the middle of the day, i would be overwashing, which makes my skin very dry and slows down the healing process. so, subconsiously, i must be controlling my picking, atleast in a way. that gives me hope (: then i began to ponder the times when i havent had the urge to pick, and felt the most relaxed and stress free. i narrowed it down to 4 basic activities, which are, in no specific order : cooking, eating, cleaning, and sex. does anyone relate to this ? so i decided that when im feeling anxious or just bored, even before i have a picking urge i will just cook, eat, clean, or have sex ! im excited and hopeful today (:

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