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skreed29 , 24 May 2012

my progress

my name is sarah, i live in southern indiana. im 18 years old and have been picking since i was about 10. i am mildly ocd, and have been literally since i can remember but didnt understand it when i was younger, looking back its very obvious though. i also have bdd(body dismorphic disorder) probably since about 7th grade, and i pick at my skin compulsively. right now i mostly pick at my face, even though at some points in the past i have picked at my back, chest, arms, legs, and pubic area. thankfully, these places are now healed for the most part and very nice looking. i have never felt close to my parents(who were divorced when i was 2, my brother was 5) or most of my family. i would say my closest relative is my older brother. he suffers with a lot of the same issues as me. i live with my boyfriend, who i have been with for a little more than 2 years, he tries to be supportive of my picking compulsion but i think its very hard to understand when you arent in the same boat. i consider myself to have a very beautiful body, and when my face isnt covered in spots and wounds and scars, its awfully cute too, but the picking is holding me back from feeling good about myself. i graduated highschool recently and am taking some time off (no work or school) to heal on the inside and on the outside. im going to post here everyday, maybe even more than once to just post my progress and thoughts about the day, or if i find something new and helpful. at the moment i am 3 days clean (: going on 4
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skreed29
June 22, 2012
got through yesterday without a hitch ! so im excited about that. i also ordered some fancy new makeup that has a bunch of good stuff (including vitamin a and vitamin e) to help me heal and reduce inflammation! cant wait for it to arrive. its called 'prestige skin loving minerals' and suprisingly cheap ($10/jar!!). i have been exfoliating my face pretty abbrasively every morning and i know thats supposedly not the best thing to do but it makes me feel good. and really really clean. so im doing it ! also i have been eating a lot of carrots because vitamin a is a good thing for healing! and green tea. i drink a cup of organic green tea every morning lately, and A LOT A LOT of water. like 3 liters a day. im feeling so optimistic (:
skreed29
June 23, 2012
not a spot picked yesterday! today im staying in, no makeup so i can heal faster. covered my mirror with a towel. i didnt exfoliate this morning and was very very very gentle with washing, and then put a lot of lotion on my face because that always seems to help me heal. and im gonna eat good healing foods all day (: i have a big weekend coming up and i want to feel and look good.
skreed29
June 24, 2012
had a couple close calls today but i made it through !
skreed29
June 24, 2012
yesterday was another success. i reallllllllllyyyyyy hope i can keep this up
skreed29
June 25, 2012
it is so hot and muggy where i am. no matter if you are outside or inside you really cant get away from it. at first i thought it was making my picking worse, but i realized that im like, sweating all the time. even though its gross to sweat, it is cleansing and it makes taking a shower even more refreshing and wonderful ! so im going to think about this weather as more of a positive thing. im doing good (:
skreed29
June 25, 2012
got through yesterday ! im doing way too much face "inspecting" lately, but i havent picked. i still need to stop that though, its too risky. i dont even know exactly how many days in a row i havent picked right off the top of my head, which is good because i have been trying to think about things differently. i made a deal with myself though, that if i make it to thursday i get to reward myself. havent decided what i want my reward to be though. another thing that is inspiring me lately is that its almost the 4th of july ! i LOVE the 4th of july, i dont know why, but i do and i want to feel pretty for it. and also the fact that i need to go visit my dad soon, and he knows about my picking, and i really love my dad, so if he sees me and my face is a mess i will feel so bad because of how he will feel if he knows i have been picking ! also, i ordered another new makeup product.. well, kind of makeup. its a face primer that goes under makeup from korres, just the regualr face primer. its 99% natural ingredients with vitamin e and other good stuff, and a lot of reviews i read about it said that when they used it, at the end of the day when they took all the makeup off their face was just glowing and beautiful because its good for your skin and helps to heal it ! so im very excited.
sickandtired87
June 25, 2012
This is awesome Sarah!!!! Keep it up girl! I use a similar product, the clinique bb cream, and until my picking set back, I was loving the results! I haven't picked so far today and since I have no where else to be I'm going to shower early and do my best to stay out of the bathroom the rest of the night! Also, when I'm recovering from nasty picking spells and I have to go out in public, like today, I find that it really helps me if I make everything else about myself look awesome. So, today I put on my favorite summer outfit and did my hair really nice, and since my picking is mostly down by my chin and mouth I did my eye makeup really pretty. It made me remember that even when I pick I am still a nice looking girl and I shouldn't give up on myself!
skreed29
June 26, 2012
OMG! i do that too ! like when i pick i will do every little thing that makes me feel prettier. im so proud you havent picked today (: (: (: i havent either. i almost did and then had this wierd experience where i was so close to picking and then i like, stepped out of my normal picking trance mode and thought to myself "what is the freaking point sarah? what am i going to gain?" and i decided what i would gain would be 3 horrible painful depressing days, and a ruined weekend ! so i put down my hands, backed away from the mirror, and that was that (: (: and it was liberating ! i controlled myself
skreed29
June 26, 2012
my next 2 weeks are pretty packed. i hope the stress of having to look good helps me not pick instead of causing me to pick. i think my picking has become more consious and in my control. i stopped myself in a way that i have never experienced today. i was in my picking zone and before i did anything, i thought about why i shouldnt, and it stopped me ! it was great !
sickandtired87
June 26, 2012
This is so awesome to hear! I am so proud of you for gaining more control-it is so hard to do, good for you girl!!!!! I almost picked today too, but someone on here suggested to me to do crunches and sit ups every time I felt the urge to pick, so I did that instead and then came on here. I still have the urge a little but I am resiting and I REFUSE to let it get the best of me. I will get through Day 2 of no picking!!!!! Keep up the good work, you are awesome!!!
skreed29
June 27, 2012
doing good and feeling good (: my face is kind of a mess at the moment, but showing definite signs of improvement ! also, a thing that helps, drinking lots and lots and lots of water makes you look healthy and glowy even if your skin isnt the greatest texturally. it also just makes you feel good and clean (: feeling clean is a biggie for me. keeping my mirror covered when i have no makeup on. even though i lift the towel and look at myself from time to time, to pick i would have to take off the towel, and hopefully during that process i would realize that i didnt actually want to pick. its like a physcological barrier, and very helpful for me. ALSO, i like to moisturize, moisturize, moisturize ! in the morning after i wash my face i use 3 pumps of cetaphil face lotion before i put on my makeup and then a generous layer of my jergens daily glow stuff all over my body. in the evening, after i wash my face i use 3 pumps of cetaphil, then wait a few minutes, and then do a whole nother layer ! crazy, right ? and then use this vaseline cocoa butter lotion with vitamin e, and i put A LOT on, like probably more than any sane person would. being super soft all over makes me feel pretty and feminine and encourages me to not pick !
skreed29
June 27, 2012
having another good good day ! this evening i decided to go back to the cetaphil though. the green foamy neutrogena stuff was just too drying and irritating. my skin deserves better (: it felt sooooo good to go back to my nice, gentle cetaphil face wash ! i didnt realize how much i missed it. i really reccomend just pampering your skin everywhere. it has helped me with picking so much, seriously. the products i use arent expensive at all ! just so so sweet and friendly
sickandtired87
June 28, 2012
I am so glad you had another good day!!! Keep up the good work!!!! I like to moisturize too, I feel like my face can't be hydrated enough!!! Today was kind of rough. I made it through another day, but barely. I had to stop and actually yell out loud to myself to knock it off!!!! My scabs are definitely healing but I feel like that's the hardest part for me because my face gets itchy so I want to scratch and then scratching always leads to picking. Also, I feel like covering after scab pinkness is so much easier than covering big scabs, so even with my best makeup on sometimes I feel insecure. But, today at the bank the teller told me that I have gorgeous hair and that really turned my day around! I might feel like a monster but that doesn't mean the whole world sees me that way, and there are still parts of me that are not scarred!
skreed29
June 28, 2012
im glad you got through it though ! you are so so strong. always remember your positive attributes. when im having a really insecure day, my boyfriend always tells me its so silly, and that he wishes i would see myself how everyone else sees me ! and hes probably right, im harder on myself than i should be. people who are worth your time will always notice and appreciate your positive attributes. the people who focus on the negatives are generally mean, jealous people. you are so so beautiful ! i know it. the only reason you need to stop picking is so that you FEEL beautiful (:
sickandtired87
June 30, 2012
You are so right! And thank you! I am so proud of you for not picking during your fight with your boyfriend! That must have been stressful, and I am so proud of you for staying strong!!!! I am doing good with not picking, the urges are still there but I'm fighting them and my scabs are almost healed. Let me know how you like your new makeup, and keep being awesome!!!!!! :)
skreed29
June 29, 2012
i didnt pick today. im having a big fight with my boyfriend
skreed29
June 29, 2012
no picking, feeling better. makeup and primer came today, but i already did my makeup so i will be trying them out tomorrow! im excited.
skreed29
July 01, 2012
no picking again ! (: the new makeup was PERFECT for me. i ordered 2 colors, because i didnt know which would be best for me, and when i tested them out i realized that its the perfect color for me when i mix the 2 ! so i didnt waste a dime (: it says it has a "gentle" finish, and i didnt really know what to expect. but gentle is the perfect word for it. its so natural, not chalky, not really a usual matte finish, and not shimmery at all. i have been eating so so so crazy healthy, mostly raw, no dairy or gluten. no red meat or pork, and lots of antioxidant rich foods ! its helping my skin to heal and also helping with my breakouts. also, i started exfoliating less often and more gently and it feels better. also, it feels SO much better now that ive been using cetaphil again for a few days. after i washed my makeup off this evening i looked at my face and realized it hasnt looked this good with no makeup since probably more than a year ago. im so so so so so sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited and hopeful omg (:
sickandtired87
July 02, 2012
Woooooo!!!! This is so great, girl!!! I am so happy for you that not only didn't you pick but you are starting to feel confident about your skin again!!!! SO AWESOME! I had a mini relapse today:( I popped a zit. I know I shouldn't have but I don't know what came over me. The good thing is after I popped it I snapped to my senses and put a band aid over it so I would not pick at it, and I haven't...so I am calling today a half success. I am really mad at myself for not being able to resist a stupid white head, but I am proud of myself for not letting myself go too far!
skreed29
July 02, 2012
it was just one spot though ! its so impressive that you stopped yourself ! i think you can still call today a complete success ! im so happy for you. you are going to be so perfect for your wedding (:

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