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skreed29 , 24 May 2012

my progress

my name is sarah, i live in southern indiana. im 18 years old and have been picking since i was about 10. i am mildly ocd, and have been literally since i can remember but didnt understand it when i was younger, looking back its very obvious though. i also have bdd(body dismorphic disorder) probably since about 7th grade, and i pick at my skin compulsively. right now i mostly pick at my face, even though at some points in the past i have picked at my back, chest, arms, legs, and pubic area. thankfully, these places are now healed for the most part and very nice looking. i have never felt close to my parents(who were divorced when i was 2, my brother was 5) or most of my family. i would say my closest relative is my older brother. he suffers with a lot of the same issues as me. i live with my boyfriend, who i have been with for a little more than 2 years, he tries to be supportive of my picking compulsion but i think its very hard to understand when you arent in the same boat. i consider myself to have a very beautiful body, and when my face isnt covered in spots and wounds and scars, its awfully cute too, but the picking is holding me back from feeling good about myself. i graduated highschool recently and am taking some time off (no work or school) to heal on the inside and on the outside. im going to post here everyday, maybe even more than once to just post my progress and thoughts about the day, or if i find something new and helpful. at the moment i am 3 days clean (: going on 4
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skreed29
July 13, 2012
last night i picked 2 really annoying little whiteheads, they were really on the surface i was gentle and didnt feel too guilty about it. i wasnt going to call it a "relapse" but planned to admit it to you all. i didnt even really get upset about it, but then this morning i definately picked. for me it always starts with one little spot that i just cant stand, and then i see something else and am like "hey, why not ?" and then i just get carried away. im very dissapointed. and crying. i think it has a lot to do with the fact that i am not feeling so good about my relationship lately. my boyfriend is always so busy and hes not making me feel special, he doesnt understand my picking problem and sometimes it seems like he forgets that it is an issue at all. it sucks because im not so close with my parents, and i really really need support that he isnt giving me. i have to go out tonight, and i reeeeeeeaaaaaalllly dont want to now.
LDC
July 14, 2012
Oh :( I'm so sorry to hear that you didn't have such a good day and that you're feeling a bit down about your relationship. You've proven that you can be strong and kind to your skin and body. You know you can do it. Don't let one setback get in the way of what you hope to achieve. You will have beautiful skin and you'll feel great about it. One thing you said to me that I always think about, is that your skin is a healing machine! It's so true. Skin is great at healing - especially for a young person like you. I can totally relate to anxiety-driven picking. When things aren't going so well for me, I'm more likely to pick. Then things tend to get worse because you're feeling annoyed with yourself. It's hard when you have to go out at times like these. But just remember that people appreciate you and they like having you around. You're a very warm and caring person so I'm sure people enjoy your company. Keep your chin up, take a deep breath, and just start afresh. I have faith in you :)
skreed29
July 14, 2012
thank you (: that made me feel a lot better. yesterday actually wound up being pretty good and now i am back on my way to healing (: (: (: i havent looked in the mirror yet today which helps me not think about the damage i have done ! im excited to move forward today (:
sickandtired87
July 15, 2012
I can so totally relate to this. I picked at at an annoying white head too, and without even thinking about it...I went to far. Ugh. But we cannot let our problem and our struggle become who we are. You are beautiful, inside and out and you have to find a way to make yourseld believe that even at the highest levels of discomfort. It is so hard, but if you can find it in yourself to say "this doesn't define me!" I think it really helps. Remember we once talked about doing ourselves up in every way we can to help us to still feel pretty?! I hope you did that!! And that you went out, because even though you are likely to be a bit self conscious, being with friends can help you relax and get your mind off the tough stuff!
skreed29
July 15, 2012
i did do that (: i had a really good night, i actually felt pretty ! a lot of boys were staring and when we went to dinner the hibatchi chef hit on me right in front of my boyfriend, hahaha. he was a little bit bold but it made me feel good. even though we are both in committed relationships.. its nice to be reassured by strangers that we are are attractive, you know ? i
sickandtired87
July 16, 2012
Omigosh, definitely! Our boyfriends love us for so many different reasons, sometimes its just nice to know that a complete stranger simply finds you attractive. Mega confidence boost!
skreed29
July 15, 2012
my evening out yesterday wound up being pretty good (: had a good day today, slept in and didnt put on makeup. worked out, cleaned my apartment, showered, and exfoliated my face (: i feel good and clean at the moment. a lot of things are coming up that i really really really want to look pretty for.. i hope i can work towards some serious healing. i am very excited to move forward (: (:
sickandtired87
July 15, 2012
There's that positive Outlook! You are so strong and I am so proud of you for encouraging yourself the way you do...honestly, it encourages me too. So, thank you:) I picked at the white head I popped...its not horrible, but it could have been nothing and that's what is frustrating me so much. But, it is coverable with makeup, and if I leave it alone I think it will heal pretty quick!
little miss shy
July 15, 2012
I have been reading up on skin picking because I really need and want to stop. I'm 24 years old and I have picked at the skin around my finger nails since I was about 7 years old and just cannot seem to stop this awfull habbit and it gets me really down. I have been reading a lot of comments on here and thought I'd register and update daily as I am determain to try once and for all to beat this habbit. I have low self esteem and when I have been reading up about this condition it made it more clear to me why I possibly started to do this. My childhood wansnt a bad one I have a younger sister and brother and we always got whatever we needed and wanted. My parents relationship was very unstable and my dad would have to move out on numerous occasions I seen my mother hurting so many times and that hurt me, but I'm pleased to say ther are still together. I feel like this may have been where it started for me I've been diagnose with depression recently and I always feel on edge and nervous. I live with my boyfriend and we have our ups and downs and I sometimes feel very insecure. When I'm in this state of mind all I can think about is biting the skin to the point when the skin is pouring of blood and its raw. It looks awfull yet nobody understands people including my friends and family think its just bad habbit. I've never really spoken to anybody about how down I feel because I don't want to put that onto people. The day I stop will be the day I'm happy. Does anybody have any tips to help me for my journey?
skreed29
July 15, 2012
well then i am so glad you found this place ! (: finger picking is a very hard thing because you can look down at your hands anytime anywhere. me and sickandtired are mainly face pickers, and we do most of our picking in the mirror which puts us in a little bit of a different place than you, but a lot of the same guidelines to quitting picking still apply. most importantly, you need to believe in yourself and think about all the reasons why it is so important for you to stop. you have to know you will relapse during the process, probably many many times.. but youve got to learn to pick yourself back up and be hopeful and optimistic through it all. on a physical level, it might help you to wear some gloves when you are at home, and even better ! put some good smelling vitamin e lotion on your hands and then put the gloves on ! or if you dont want to do that, put some neosporin on your wounds and bandaids around them, i bet it would help if you had some sort of barrier to your hands, because you would have to consiously choose to remove them and then pick. get your nails done, or do something pretty to them yourself, so when you look at them you will think about how you want to let your finger skin to heal and look pretty too. i hope some of this can help you and as long as you keep posting on skinpick i will be here to support you through your struggle ! good luck (: (: (: i know you can do it
sickandtired87
July 16, 2012
skreed is right! Being positive, optimistic, and persistent will help you! You have to truly want to change, and you need to understand that change is hard. No matter how much your picking habit decreases, there will always be a need for you to remind yourself of all your positive attributes in order to keep you on the right track. It seems daunting and hard at first: but believing in yourself helps so so much. And when you are feeling down, coming on this forum can help boost you up because there are other people who believe in you. I know you can beat this!!! Wearing gloves or creating a barrier for yourself is a great idea, I hope you give it a try!! Y
skreed29
July 15, 2012
feeling good today ! it seems like everyday, more and more events that i have to go to are piling up. my boyfriend plays drums for a couple metal bands in the state, and also records/produces other local bands so we are asked to go to a lot of concerts, and he also has to play shows pretty frequently. sometimes it is a lot of fun, but when im not doing so well with my picking its the worst. i just want to stay home and hide but we cant. as long as i dont pick, i am especially looking forward to july 28th ! im so hopeful that i can stay strong until then !
skreed29
July 15, 2012
i have been looking in the mirror as little as possible, and i did for the 1st time today just a few minutes ago ! i always break out after a picking session, i have some irritating looking whiteheads but they dont hurt or itch or anything and there isnt a lot of red inflamed areas on my face at all (: if i can make it through this week, i think i could look better than i have in a reeeeeeaally long time by the weekend. jeez i hope i can do it
sickandtired87
July 16, 2012
You can do it!!!! You are so strong, I know you can!!!! Yesterday was really good because I was so busy all day making programs and favors for the wedding, and we had so many people coming in and out of the house I didn't have time to pick. I find that when lots of people are around, I don't think about it as much. Just a few more days til the big day and right now all my marks are coverable, so hopefully I can go without making any new messes!!!
skreed29
July 16, 2012
im so excited for you you dont even understand ! im hoping so hard that you wont pick that my head is probably going to explode !!!! you are going to look absolutely beautifully wonderfully stunning. i know you can do this, you have to ! (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (:
little miss shy
July 16, 2012
Thank you skreed and sickand tired and sorry sarah for hijacking your blog I'm new to this site and thought that was my own blog hehe. I havnt had a good start I did well yesterday and started picking and biting my skin again it is so so hard but I have not been as bad as usual. Thanks for your support I pick my skin around my fingers and on my face not as bad on my face though. I'm going to try the gloves and use maybe e45 cream. Would love to get my nails done so badly but my hands arnt in a good state at the minute I'd be so embarresed. Have any of you guys had therapy or have yous just used your will power and this site? Glad that yous are getting there yourselfs too and hope I can take a leaf out of your book. I have a new spot and can't stop thinking about picking so I have came on here and I'm now dermermain not to. I'm going on holiday in five weeks and want to get my nails done that is my aim hopefully the redness and swelling on my fingers go down : (
skreed29
July 16, 2012
haha dont worry, you didnt hijack my blog im happy to share it with you ! i havent had therapy for my skin picking, i used to be in therapy for my obsessive compulsive disorder, but all they try to do is give you drugs which i am not willing to take. i know that i can do this on my own. do the gloves ! then you cant pick at your face either ! i know what its like to have an annoying new spot that is almost too irresistable to pick, but you can resist. and when you do, you will feel so accomplished and proud of yourself. we will be proud too !!!! (:
sickandtired87
July 17, 2012
Like Sarah, I am determined to beat this on my own. I do not want to resort to any kind of drug. Actually, when I first got serious about this forum it was in a moment of weakness...I wanted to know about drugs and if they worked and who had used them. All the responses I received made me realize that with support and persistence I can do this on my own! And you can too! We are here for you :)
skreed29
July 16, 2012
i am in such a good mood right now. so excited for sickandtired and its inspiring me and making me so so happy, so there is no way im going to pick today. knock on wood. i have been eating lots of omega 3s lately(mostly in the form of walnuts and chia seeds), because i heard they are one of the most important skin foods and my boyfriend told me i look 'plump' lately. i dont think he realized that plump is just a cute way to call someone fat, but i made it very clear after the fact. then he said "no, sarah, thats not what it means. plump is how they describe a perfect, juicy piece of fruit". he told me he was trying to say that i looked soft and milky and well hydrated, haha. i always thought the most genuine compliments were the specific and wierd ones, rather than just 'you're pretty', so it made me happy to hear (:

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