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soembarrassed , 08 Aug 2012

Ruining my face

I am 40 almost 41 and for the last 3 years have been destroying my face. Any little bump i pick at until I am left with an open wound. These wounds used to heal fairly quickly now they take months. They start to heal and I CANT STAND THE SCAB OR FLAKES OF SKIN so of course I pick at those. I really need to stop this as now I am starting to get scars, which then I pick at thinking if I can get that little raised uneven skin picked off then problem solved - no more scar. That is not the case. You then have an open wound all over again that starts healing with scar and all. I cant tell you how many times I have called in to work with one excuse or another as I am too embarrassed to be seen. I have even gone to lunch and picked and called in some "family emergency" that I have to go take care of as not to return. I cant stand the feeling that there is a spot light on every little mark. I constantly watch people's eyes to see if they are looking at my marks. This is so ruining my life. I never want to go anywhere. Cancel plans all the time. My friends tell me I am being parinoid that you cant even tell there are marks on my face. Who do they think they are kidding? I have mirrors (which I look in at least 100 times a day) I can see them, so I know they can. I really dont know why I started doing this. The best I can figure is when I started seeing this guy and felt that I HAVE to have perfect skin or he would not be interested. I know this not to be the case as scabby marks or not he always wants to do something with me. I cant tell you how many times I have backed out of plans with him just so he wouldnt see the mess of my face. I am at a lost on what to do. How to stop. How to heal. I really dont want to spend the remainder of my life with band aids on my face at night trying in vane to heal the mess I have created. Any tricks you all have on healing these nasty marks, or stopping the urge to pick would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.
289 Answers
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soembarrassed
November 10, 2012
Ok..sample junkie here...lol I have samples of Makeup Forever correction HD primer...Philosophy Keep the Peace primer....Cinique Stay Matte and Clinique Pore refining foundation. I also picked up some more Makeup Forever HD powder this is a loose powder that is white I have used it before and loved it I am hoping I can use this to hold back shine and that it will not settle in and cake up like pressed powder in my demonic scar area! So I am going to give these a try and see what happens.
SpottyFace
November 10, 2012
Hey...so I'm searching the internet for local skincare places and there's a place that offers collagen therapy and also dermarolling. I've heard of dermarolling before and read lots of good things about it. Have you heard of it or ever thought about trying it??
SpottyFace
November 11, 2012
After reading more about it, I think that dermarolling and collagen therapy, called CIT (collagen induction therapy) are the same thing. There's a place close to where I live where I can buy a home kit and a session to have someone teach me how to properly use it. I'll probably make an appointment, but I'm tempted to buy the scienta system. It comes with some vitamins and facial creme which sounds good. If I buy something online then I'd rather buy one of the brands that is a little more expensive that has been featured on tv shows and in magazines. Honestly, if I'm going to spend money, I want to spend it on something that will get rid of the scar, instead of a temporary fix.
soembarrassed
November 10, 2012
Day 4.... i actually went out to the bank...supermarket and sephora without makeup...was very hard but baby steps here....but yeah day 4 no picking!!!
SpottyFace
November 11, 2012
I'm proud of you! what did ya get at Sephora?? LOVE that store!!I've done good today too. I'm kinda scabby but I'm letting them heal..plus I did an hour of cardio and lifted weights!..Hopefully this weekend will be time for all around improvement!
soembarrassed
November 11, 2012
I got myself some primer samples that help with the redness some HD micro powder...love tje stuff and new pouty pink lipstick. Way to go on the cardio and weights...i so go to get back to that. I have been so lazy. Have you tried aloe vera?. I hace been using it at night and I am loving it
SpottyFace
November 11, 2012
I haven't heard of the HD Micro Powder, might need to check that out. I keep hearing about the BB stuff, that I'm curious about.. but I really haven't been wearing a whole lot of makeup lately...especially with my husband gone, I'm just trying to focus on healing my skin...I do love some eye make up and lip gloss though!! I haven't tried aloe vera, but it did cross my mind to get a bottle when I was at walgreens. OK so I broke down and bought a dermaroller kit. It was seen on the RR show and I I'd rather do that then have to go to skincenter and have everyone look at me through a magnifying glass...I got two rollers (supposed to last 3 months each) some skin vitamins and skin treatment cream, so I'm excited!
soembarrassed
November 11, 2012
Whoo hoo....let me know how it works once you get it. I dont wear much makeup either...just a little bit of foundation when I have things to cover. On good days I only wear powder
kvpetty
November 11, 2012
Dear soembarassed- I feel your pain--I too check my face a million times a day and have missed more social engagements than I can count. I have also noticed that what once took days to heal is now taking months. I want so much to stop and have decided that I would set goals for myself. The holidays are approaching so I want to have clear skin for the first time in years. I did this for my nieces wedding and was successful but the day after the wedding I went nuts. It is a process and the guilt and shame makes it worse. I try not to beat myself up when I have a bad day--I started using Tegaderm films to cover a wound. They keep it moist and most of all I can't keep touching it. Put it on and go on with your day! You can cut them to the size you want--kind of tricky to apply when you cut them but they really make me feel better. They do fill with a little fluid but that is what is helping the wound heal. It is so much better than trying to cover the thing up with makeup or sticky medicine and I have worn it to work and no one seems to notice I have it on. I also sleep with it on my sore. Nexus sells them and I found them in my local Rite Aid. Each minute, hour or day that you don't pick is an accomplishment. Just try to stay busy and tell your self that no one can even see the stuff we pick. Hang in there!
soembarrassed
November 11, 2012
Day 5...this last wound/scar wouldnt look so bad if it wasnt so dry looking. So it could be worse...hell it has been worse...so I guess it is improving.
soembarrassed
November 12, 2012
Looking better - slightly pink...I guess I can live with that. Better than fire engine red!!!
soembarrassed
November 13, 2012
Day 7 and I have decided not to try to hide my scar....truthfully it looks better when I dont. I am hopeful in a year you wont be able to tell it is there. A very loooonnnngggg year!
SpottyFace
November 14, 2012
Hey girl! Glad to hear that you are feeling and looking better!! I know from past experiences and scars that I was soooo depressed over, that I can't even see anymore..(and if I can't see them....) Bet it won't take that long!..Keep it going!
soembarrassed
November 15, 2012
Day and 8 & 9 no picking...but let me tell you last night I almost caved. At lunch yest the quy I am sleeping with told me he is getting married!. Really? Seriously? I knew he was seeing both of us...but really did not think that he was thinking of asking her to marry him! It was all I could do not to pick my face....boy did I want to just demolish the hell out of my skin. She of course has perfect skin. Maybe that is why he is choosing her over me?!? I am in a really bad place right now and hope I dont relapse.
hope2heal
November 15, 2012
Soembarrassed I am so amazed you've managed to go 9 days without picking. I struggle to go 9 minutes! I'm going to venture some comments on the above but please understand there is no judgement here... Firstly, it sound like this guy is a total **** (insert appropriate swearword here). If a relationship is meant to be built on trust, imagine sleeping with 2 people and then deciding to make one of the women you've been deceiving your wife! Ew. Secondly, please don't think that he is choosing her over you- sounds like you've had a lucky escape! And i'm 100% convinced it has nothing to do with your skin. More likely she's a "safe" option as probably doesn't have your inner strength and is happy to be a doormat to someone like that. Thirdly, why would you continue to see someone knowing that he's two timing you? That can't be good for your self esteem. I think you deserve much much better than that. Finally, try not to relapse but if you do, forgive yourself. Stay strong and do the best you can. sending you lots of healing thoughts. xoxo

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