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Sarah-108 , 04 Sep 2012

Progress Report with Photos

Day 1: Let me start off by saying I had a well written post all done up until my internet decided to crash. :( Oh well! It's time to get a hold of this issue I've been having with dermatillomania once and for all. When I was younger I had pretty bad acne, especially around my chin (cystic), and this caused me to pick a lot. After I went on accutane, most of my acne went away, so I needed something else to do instead. I then started to pluck my eyebrows. I had the compulsion to dig for even the TINIEST hair, which caused my hair follicles to become infected, and scabs to form, which I in turn picked to form larger scabs. It is apparent that I also suffer from trich as well, but it only pertains to my eyebrows. 3 years later and I'm still dealing with this. I have been dealing with dermatillomania for roughly 11 years in total. I start my second year of nursing on Wednesday, and although I know my skin won't be better by then, I think I need to start my healing process.To start, I have decided to make a challenge beginning tomorrow. My challenge is to rid myself of tweezers and not pluck anything for 7 days in order to help with healing. After those 7 days, I will allow myself to pluck, but only once a week, and only pluck hairs that are fully visible. I will not pluck in the moment, which means I will make sure a sterilize everything before and after to prevent infection. Now I have my photos from day 1 to show you. I took them tonight and have not picked since yesterday afternoon, so some of the initial wound redness has gone down and scabs have formed. I personally feel like it looks a lot worse when I look in the mirror. Photos don't seem to emphasize the dryness of the scabs, or the swelling underneath my one eyebrow due to infected follicles from plucking. It's horrible I know, and this will be next to impossible to cover with makeup on Wednesday, but I have to start somewhere! Stay strong! PHOTOS: 1 -http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb121/sarah-108/Dermatillomania/DSCF4489.jpg 2 - http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb121/sarah-108/Dermatillomania/DSCF4485.jpg
36 Answers
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skreed29
September 18, 2012
i dont know if i got the job yet ! they said they had a few people to interview before they chose, but i hope (: you should think about your relationship from an objective place and see if it still seems one sided ! people can give you their opinions about how it is all they want but no one knows exactly how it is except for you and him ! and if you decide he doesnt treat you right, or appreciate you enough then you should do something about it. i know sometimes i personally feel like niko doesnt do somethings for me that he should, but when i step back and re evaluate, usually it turns out that im just being silly and insecure, and i think most girls do from time to time. the only thing that really really bothers me is how he is always on his phone. i know hes busy though because he works a full time job and also runs a recording studio in his FREE time.. so i try to remember that i shouldnt be offended when he seems to be spending more time on his phone than paying attention to me. you should never let a man use you or take advantage of you, though. if you arent happy you should remind yourself that there is someone out there who will treat you better than him and then go out and find him ! (:
Sarah-108
September 18, 2012
I am happy with Ben as a boyfriend, but since he started working out of town again at the end of May (he used to do the same thing a few years ago), I'm not sure that's what I want. He's not sure when he'll stop working out of town and I find it pretty hard on our relationship. After I'm done school, and have my career started, I'd like to start a family. I've always told myself that I don't want to feel like a single mom when I'm in a relationship. I want to be with a man who is a present father to his children and doesn't miss those special moments. That means I couldn't have a family with a man who works out at camp for weeks at a time surveying. I keep telling myself that I'll wait and see where things go, but the truth is, I could honestly see him still doing the same thing in 4 years. I just don't know what to do anymore. I think you can have feelings for someone even if your lives are on different paths, and if that is the case I know where things will end, but I'm not sure I'm mentally strong enough to lose that part of my life right now. Oh well... I must say though, I can see why I pick. I drag myself constantly through an abundance of stress and that is how I deal with it. I have ocd tendencies and I'm a bit of a perfectionist, especially when it comes to school. I also fought with eating disorders growing up (ednos). I would binge, purge, not eat... I was a mess and I still struggle not to go back to that. There was a point I went to an out patient eating disorder clinic, but I found the bigger deal people made of it the worse things got. I can't remember a time when I was happy with my body or myself. Maybe that's part of my problem. =/
skreed29
September 18, 2012
i struggled with eating disorders all through middle and highschool too ! for me it was linked to body dysmorphic disorder but im healthy with my eating habits now ! i am a vegan and also stay away from gluten, refined sugar, vegetable oils, and soy. but i eat a lot and am at a very healthy weight and i think i am lucky to have the body that i have. occasionally though i will treat myself to some ice cream or something and i freak out about it afterwards and it generally leads to a serious picking relapse. i have always been a self sabotager. my brother and my mom have substance abuse problems since i can remember. in highschool i started to experiment with alcohol and drugs myself and it became a big part of my life. thankfully i have overcome both of those things ! but the picking is still hard for me.. i think for most of us skin picking is an issue which is deeply rooted and even if we can identify the roots, there are some things that cant ever be resolved. its like when we pick at a pimple or an ingrown hair we are trying to pick our emotional problems out ! haha. i know we can stop picking though, even if right now it seems a little out of reach.
Sarah-108
September 20, 2012
Day 16: I've been doing pretty good as far as picking goes. What's really been annoying me though is how dry the skin below my eyebrows still is. It'll be good for a couple days, but then turns hard. I have a habit of flaking it off with tweezers which I probably shouldn't do. I have however been picking at a spot on my chin. I had a spot from an old pimple that had scabbed up (which I refused to let heal) and then when I went out to the cabin it got re-infected. Another pimple formed on the same spot, which I picked... It went away and I picked it again... And guess what? It formed a pimple again! I don't know why I can't stop picking that spot! It looks like all of the inflammation has calmed down today (although I did pick it :( ), so I'm going to try my best to just leave it alone and let it heal. The more I play with it the worse it will get. On a good note though, I spent yesterday evening with my bf. He's been away at camp working for 3 weeks. He was only supposed to get 5 days off, but it looks like he might get 10. I'm happy to have him home right now. It's hard with the distance sometimes, but yesterday reminded me of why I fell for him. :)
Emmi
September 20, 2012
Your doing great Sarah, good work, that pimple on your chin will go away you just have to try extra super hard to stop picking, use an anti fungal cream on it, it works well, before bed, put it on, and in the morning put it on before your make up :) With your eyebrows try a facial crensing oil, or an eye mousteriser cream, it will help with the dry flakey skin :) Glad to hear your remembered why you fell for your man :) I love hearing that people are happy in there relationship :)
Sarah-108
September 21, 2012
Day 18: So I just wanted to let you guys know that I am doing good. My skin isn't perfect, but it's not bad. I still have that spot on my chin which is getting better, as well as some red pigmentation above my eyes and some dryness, but it's a lot better than it was. At the beginning of September I hit one of my all time lows and I'm glad I was able to recover from that. Some good news as well! I was feeling good about myself yesterday so I went and dropped off some resumes. I talked with one of the head managers of a big company here in town, and even though the side restaurant I wanted to waitress/bartend at wasn't hiring, he gave my resume to another section of the company and I got a call for an interview today. It's at 4:30pm. I'm hoping to get this job because as a student I would make good tips, and the job is unionized, so that would mean job security and a higher wage. I didn't realize until a couple of hours ago, but I clued in that I've actually met the woman I'm having my interview with before. We worked one of the same events a month and a half ago. Wish me luck! :)
Emmi
September 24, 2012
Sarah, How did your job interview go? its sooooo good to hear that your doing well. You seem to be very positive, which is great!! your doing so well. I really hope the interview went well! :)
Sarah-108
September 24, 2012
Thanks :) I try to be as positive as I can because it helps lift up my spirits. The interview went well. She said she'd be checking my references and then I should have a call back on Monday for another interview. I'm happy about that possible job opportunity, but I'm almost hoping my other interview at the pub will work out better. The one job is more sporadic and I'd just been a banquet server and occasional bartender, but at the pub I could waitress and bartend, with more hours, and have the ability to make a lot more money with tips.
Emmi
September 24, 2012
Well which ever job you get, I hope it works out, if you dont get the pub job, at least you have A job, then when there is an opening at the pub, you can always apply, my mother always says, its easier to find work, when you have work :) Its always good to stay positive :) Ive been struggling with that the past week, but Pulling myself out of it :)
Sarah-108
September 24, 2012
I agree, it definitely is! In the end however, I can't wait to be working as a nurse. :) All of these jobs are good for the mean time, but that's what I really want to be doing with my life. I'll update you when I know more myself.
Sarah-108
September 24, 2012
Day 20: I have been doing so well lately, although I'm starting to find myself stressing out a bit. This has led me to pick at the spot on my chin and pick at my eyebrows (but not too bad). I've mainly caused a bit of redness and a couple superficial spots at the edge of my one eyebrow. I think I would be better off if I could get over this last little bit of skin dryness. =/ I think I'm mostly stressing over the videography assignment I have due on Tuesday that I haven't started yet and some job interviews I have coming up. I am waiting for a call about a second interview on Monday and then I just got another call today for an interview at a local pub. I'm really hoping that I will hook one of these jobs! I may be a full time student, but not working has really been getting to me lately. I've mostly been doing odd jobs for the past couple months that pay well, but nothing secure, and that's what I need. Anyways, I'd better get cracking on that paper. :P
Sarah-108
September 24, 2012
Day 21: I'm doing okay, but today has turned into a depressing day. My mom called me this morning to tell me our cat, Keela, is not doing very well. I picked her out when I was younger, and when I lived at home, she slept in my room every night. She's always been a tiny cat and has had some trouble with her weight, but on Friday my mom took her into the vet because she wasn't eating and he gave her some appetite stimulating pills. Today she was hiding under my mother's bed howling and my mom didn't have the heart to give her her pill this morning. She fought it at first, but has no fight left. She was supposed to go to the vet at 4:30pm today, but my mom phoned the vet and said she needed to go in right away. She has a loss of coordination and seems to be in a lot of pain. I feel really bad for her. :( Due to the fact she's had previous weight issues (especially last fall) I think she probably has chronic pancreatitis. She weighs between 5-6lbs at the moment. I never thought I'd get upset about a cat, but it's hard to see an animal you've known for so long in this state. The worst part is she's not even that old at 8 years. I know this is a progress blog, but I feel it's important to include some aspects of what's going on in my life. I'll let you know later on if we have to put her down, or if she makes it through.
Emmi
September 25, 2012
Im sorry to hear about your cat, I too know how hard it is to loose an animal you have had for so long. It can be hard, and the stress can contribute to picking, you need to be aware of this, certainly feel emotional about the things going on in your life, but also make sure not to let them get you to a point where you pick again. I really hope your poor little cat pulls through :)
Sarah-108
September 25, 2012
She was put down a little after 3pm because she had chronic kidney failure and was in too much pain. :( The vet said she was probably born with it and her body just adapted for all of these years. I definitely picked a little bit under my one eyebrow which is no good. =/ I know I did it because my emotions were up in the air (as you just mentioned), but at least I know why I did it today. I'm hoping to have the redness go down and scabs fall off within a couple days. These marks are superficial and not very deep like the last, so I don't think it'll take too long.
Emmi
September 25, 2012
Im so sorry to hear that Sarah, I hope you are ok. In situations like this, I can understand how you can want to pick, I am glad to hear that it hasnt been very deep or to the same extent as previously. The scabs will hopefully heal alot faster. We're always here if you need support :)

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