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arkag , 11 Sep 2012

I'm stopping

I am 21 year old female and have been picking since highschool I believe. I'm not sure when it Got really bad but my fourth year of university was the absolute worst for it. I have desperately tried to stop with no success. I feel like if I keep a journal on here and have people to talk to about it I will feel more accountable and might be able to stop. I would like to try my absolute best on my own to stop before seeking medical attention. Areas I pick (listed be severity) Private region Fingers Face Scalp Very embarassing for me to admit that I pick at my Private region but I need to be honest and I hope I can help people Who have similar issues. My private region is the most concerning for me. I think I do it because it's easily concealable and because the way the hair grows there it Causes bumps which has improved from havin laser hair Removal on the bikini line. The past few days have been very bad for me as I have been stressed about a job interview I have tomorrow. Stress is a definite trigger for me. I plan to start a log tomorrow so I will check back in then and start my Journey one day at a time.
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CSPlease_Go_Away
September 11, 2012
Hi arkag, welcome to the forum. Although I'm a 23 year old male, your story is very similar to mine. I started picking in high school but it didn't get really bad until my junior year of college. My 22nd year of life was a disaster. I picked my arms like an obsession and now I have hundreds of scars that riddle them. It basically looks like I've been putting out cigarettes on my arms for the last two years. It's embarrassing and quite hard to live with. I like to be active and enjoy the outdoors but im too ashamed by what I've done, and can't imagine what people would think, so I haven't been able to enjoy a lot of the things I love lately. However I too am committed to quitting, but i also accept that the damage i have done is permanent, I think that's an important step in moving forward. I also want to do it on my own, because I'm pretty sure a doctor can't help much and I don't want to be on medication. I just want to offer some support your way and let you know you're not alone. The journal is a good way for you to keep tabs on progress and reflect back in the future. It's also nice to be able to talk to people who are struggling with the same thing. I can tell you from experience that this forum has really helped me come to terms with CSP, so you've done a good thing by posting here. Just know that no one here will judge you, your honesty is applauded, and we're here to talk if you need us.
arkag
September 12, 2012
Hi! Thank you so much for your response I really Appreciate it. It's almost comforting to know that I'm not going through it alone but I hope for the sake of everyone that we can all make improvements in our own way. It's an unfortunate outlet of destruction for anyone who is doing it. If you ever want to talk about anything feel free to message me.
arkag
September 12, 2012
Day one Alright, long day! I had my final interview for a job which I think went really Well despite my skin not looking the greatest it could have. I didn't not pick any problem areas at all today which is awesome, but I can usually get by day one of trying to quit pretty easily. I think a BIG goal for me would be making it To one week! I know I can do it though. Talk soon, night.
arkag
September 13, 2012
Day 2! Alright, today has been harder as I expected -- I worked all day which was a good distraction but after coming home I have literally been fighting off the urge to pick so badly. I have so far been successful in not going into a 'picking trance'....which is what I will call the times when I sit down and pick and totally lose track of time. I just need to shower and head to bed and I will be through Day 2 Successfully. I'm hoping I will hear about my job interview tomorrow, I REALLY HOPE SO! That would put me in great spirits. A lot of people on this forum say it takes 28 days to break a habit so I would like to make that my long-ish term goal as of right now (2/28 days = 7.14%) BUT my first big achievement will be if I can make it to one week, which I have faith I can!
olivegreen
September 13, 2012
Hello! I too am starting to quit! This is my "Day 2" also! All the best to you. I agree-posting on this forum has helped me tremendously to come to terms with my issues. I also go into "picking trances" and have been catching myself and trying not to do that. I have phantom itches in my pick spots that are driving me a bit nuts. I've been massaging my hands and using a smooth stone to rub my fingers over, and those seem to be helping the urges. Good luck with your new job!! :)
Emmi
September 13, 2012
Olivegreen, A little tip for phantom itches, try softly itching the skin around the spot. Just make sure you do it when not in a trance as you'll most likely pick it if your trancing, but its a really helpful technique, its basically the skin around the spot working on healing the spot that's itching, there's no harm in gently itching the skin surrounding it. :) It helps with keeping your sanity. :)
arkag
September 14, 2012
This is great advice. I think the hardest part is the mentality where you think 'I'm just Going to pick this one spot to make it look better then I won't touc anything else' It Never happens that way for me, though I feel like I can get better on this self control thing. Im just going to keep trying
Emmi
September 14, 2012
I have that problem, Lately I have been stressed and have started picking my face again, I Don't feel guilty about it, just annoyed cause my skin was finally looking good, but I find myself saying that I will just pick this one, it will make it look less hideous, then it bleeds and my make up comes off and then its obvious because its red. No fun, But ill get there again :) Im only going to scratch around them. :) and get my vitamin e cream on to them asap! haha
arkag
September 14, 2012
Good luck to you too! I am on my Third day and I have scratched a few spots but again I have completely avoid going Into a full on picking trance and have definitely avoided my problem areas at all costs. It's crazy to see how fast the skin can heal when you just don't pick it. One side of my face isn't looking so great right now because I had a breakout and picked at it last week, which is unfortunate especially because although I tend to pick my face I don't usually pick it bad enough for it to look like it does now. I am going to see some friends on the weekend so I'm hoping that no makeup and keeping it Moisturized will help to make it look alright. I'm sure that with makeup it should be ok. Again thanks for your support and good luck!
arkag
September 14, 2012
DAY THREE Alright, I have scratched a few spots but nothing really in my problem areas which are healing REALLY well. I'm so happy! I bought some heal fast polysporin today to help the process go along. Nothing is more satisfying than seeing the spots start to heal I think that is my biggest motviation. I have picked a bit on my face but I am more concerned about focusing on stopping picking the other areas of my body right now. Like I said before my face is usually fine it just so happens to be broken out and now great at this moment. I'm going to exfoliate it tonight because they is some dry skin that is flaking off / bothering me and doesn't look great under makeup. ALSO, I GOT THE JOB -- very very very exciting news. This is my first 'real' job ever so its a big change in my life and I hope that with these big changes I can also end the need to pick my skin. Start a whole new chapter - new job, new home, new habits -- a better me. I hope everyone else is doing well! I'm not sure if this forum allows private messaging but if any of you want to talk you can email me at laekqu@gmail.com (For privacy I haven't been using my real name on this forum...also my email is not my real name..since my real name is very uncommon it would be easily searchable)
CSPlease_Go_Away
September 16, 2012
First off congrats on the new job, and it seems like the healing process is off to a good start for you. I too got a new job that I'm excited about, it starts on Monday (tomorrow since its 2am here), but sadly I had a really bad picking day today and now I'm dreading the thought of my first impression being the way I am right now. If it wasn't a potential dream-job I wouldn't even bother going in. But now i dont know what they're going to think of me. Ugh, feels like sh!t. Anyways stay strong, you seem to be doing really good, and I might just have to take you up on that offer to chat one of these days.. It's just nice talking to people who understand the compulsion.
arkag
September 17, 2012
Thanks so much! I hope your first day goes well, try not to over stress About what your skin looks like, try to overshine that with personality! I was with friends all day yesterday and today so that always minimizes my picking to about zero since I'm too distracted and busy to even bother which is a great thing. I haven't been completely perfect about not picking (have picked some things on my face) but I have definitely reduced picking a ton especially in my really bad problem areas which are starting to heal well. I almost talked to my brother about my skin picking tonight. We were talking about how I have a lot of stress and anxiety and I hinted that I felt like I also had some compulsive tendencies but then I just told him I didn't really feel comfortable discussing it in detail yet so he dropped it. I have two weeks until I start work. I'm helping Spots heal by using polysporin and will try to wear no makeup for the next two weeks to help the healing process.
arkag
September 18, 2012
Just got back from a great weekend with friends. Spending the next two weeks at my Parents house before starting work so I plan to avoid wearing makeup at all costs which will hopefully help my face heal. I have avoided picking my really bad problem areas almost entirely which is great! I am now going to make more of a conscious effort to avoid picking my face. I'm hoping my current breakout will start to go down because I tend to pick less when y Face is clearer.
arkag
September 20, 2012
I want to cry right now, I'm so upset. I had a major picking episode in my worst areas and it just looks like shit now. I feel like I've ruined most of the progress I've made. I feel sick about it and so guilty. I am at such a loss about what to do. I don't know if I can do this on my own I don't know if I should go see a doctor or if they'll be able to do anything to help. At this point it's impossible to have any close intimate relationships because I'm to embarrassed to ever explain my skin issue or have anyone actually see it. I feel like this is destroying my life.
Emmi
September 20, 2012
Arkag, please dont beat your self up, everyone has moments like this, I had stopped for 7 months, but theres stresses in life and things got to much, Ive found myself picking again, its OK, the progress you have made is still worth something, its shown you that you can go a certain amount of time without picking, it take 28 days to kill a habit. So, tomorrow start again. as of tomorrow I want you to aim 1 day longer then your last achievement, if you can go two days longer thats great! but even if you make it only one, or even the same amount, your still achieving something. your doing great, dont beat your self up over it. :)
arkag
September 20, 2012
Hey, thank you so much for your response. I'm feeling a lot better today and I'm making another concerted effort starting today to reduce and stop picking. I posted 4 post it notes on my mirror with '1' '2' '3' '4'. My goal is to get to 4 days without going into any periods of extending picking. In the morning I look in the mirror and if there are any offensive whiteheads on my face I tend to deal with them quickly then commit to leave everything else be for the rest of the day. No picking no scratching -- nothing! I will let you guys know how the progress goes. (On the plus I have not been wearing any makeup so I think that's definitely helping the healing process)

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