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pickingGirl , 31 Oct 2012

Fourth time it is, time to quit!

Tomorrow it´s November 1st and that will be the day I say goodbye to picking for good! Do some of you guys wanna join me? :) I am really determined to kick this awful habit. I do know though, that it´s gonna take some great deal of self control but it´s gonna be soo worth it in the end :) I have so far tried to stop three times. First time went on really good at first, I managed 8 days without picking!! which for me was amazing. Then my skin started to break out with some big pimples, which I actually rarely get. Typical that they had to show up when thing were going so good. I couldn´t resist trying to get rid of them... I actually thought that would be the time I stopped, sadly I didnt. Second time - 4 days and third time about 5 days. Unfortunately since then there have been a lot of stressing and sad things happening in my life which has caused me more anxiety than usual, and that just threw my motivation away and I kept on picking...... I´ve just realized more and more how much dermatillomania affects my whole life and how it totally takes away so much time,energy,happiness and self confidence from me. Also, it pains me to think of how much I am hurting myself. How i make these ugly wounds on my skin which then become scars. My skin that used to be so beautiful. I used to show off my long legs, wearing pretty dresses and shorts. Now I haven´t showed my arms or legs in public for three years. I have been a prisoner inside longsleeved shirts and jeans the last three summers. Time to stop this madness! Anyways, sorry for this long post. Just wanted to share. Hope everyone´s hanging in there, making progresses. You´re all beautiful, dont forget that. X
15 Answers
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Karissa
November 01, 2012
Yes, November 1st. I want to join you in your quest to stop picking today, but as I'm reading your post, I'm picking. I keep saying, "One more good pick-fest and I'm done!" Then I wash my hair and wounded scalp so carefully, determined to not make another bloody mess. Then the wounds start to dry up and scab, and I just can't resist. I'm going bald and will need a wig soon. My God, I need to stop! Good luck to you, and I may just join you.... after I wash my hair later today;)
pickingGirl
November 03, 2012
Karissa: I recognize that "just one more and then I will quit" kind of thinking. Been doing that too much over the years. I guess thats the typical thinking in any form of addiction. I really hope you will overcome this, all the best of luck to you! I also wanted to post that I now have made it three days without picking, it´s been quite hard these days with a lot of triggering emotions buuuut f#ck it (excuse my language haha) I´m gonna make it this time! :) I´m gonna try and remember to post updates here every now and then about my progress and maybe share some helpfull tips that I find along the way. :) Take care!
hope2heal
November 07, 2012
Congrats pickinggirl! I'm trying to join you on this, starting from 5th Nov, but I struggle to go even a few hours without picking, so even one day pick-free is proving to be out of my reach :-( I have cut down a LOT though, so I'm trying to focus on that achievement and be positive. I certainly haven't had any of my longer sessions since Monday so that's good. Sometimes I would sit in front of a mirror for ages and become totally absorbed. This has being going on for YEARS, maybe even over a decade and it's only just now that I'm finding out that it's an actual condition and a very real problem for me. Best of luck on your journey- i'm right behind you! xo
pickingGirl
November 10, 2012
Hope2heal -Hi and Thank You! I understand how you feel but it´s really good that you have cut down a lot on the picking! That really is an achivement too! So you should be proud of yourself :) You have to remember to be positive for every little step towards recovery. I too would stand in front of the mirror for hours just picking away and that feeling afterwards when you see your skin all red and destroyed is really awful. Keep reaching for your goal, I believe in You! X I have now made it to DAY 10!!! I´m not gonna lie and tell you guys that i haven´t even had any urge to pick cause i have... but i really try to remember why i´m doing this. I have already began to feel more confident. My face look so much better. Arms and legs still a bit reddish after the last wounds and there´s also the ugly scars but i try to stay positive. At least some of the scars will fade in time and the other one´s i´ll just have to handle later on. The feeling of waking up and not want to hide your face is great. To come out of the shower and put lotion and facecream on without picking is also great. To feel that you might just feel comfortable in your own skin in the future is awesome! Take care ladies :) X
pickingGirl
November 19, 2012
Okey so now it´s day 19!! Can´t quite believe it myself actually, I am proud of myself but also really scared to fail this..These last couple of days has been a struggle and I have felt the urge to pick a lot.. it´s been even more difficult now than the first days. You would think the first days would be the hardest to overcome. Oh well. I have made it this far and I can´t let myself down now. I just had a really really really strong urge to pick just minutes ago. I was looking in the mirror and I just wanted to pick so badly but I didn´t. Thank god. I think i know why I have been getting more urges and it´s because my anxiety has been increasing the last couple of weeks and also my OCD has gotten worse. Usually I would pick to reduce the anxiety for a moment but now i just freak out. But yeah at least it´s good that i don´t pick of course! Thing is, my friend died a month ago and the funeral was a couple of days ago, I think thats why i´m feeling so messed up right now... I just wanted to get some things off my chest. I´m gonna stay strong. Hope everyone´s doing well.
pickingGirl
November 22, 2012
Day 22!! Ok, so I still feel a little low but that is because of my OCD and other things. Right now I have gotten three pimples in my face and also a lot of clogged pores. But it´s good for me to see how they will go away on their own. Without me being there messing it up and leaving scares. I just have to learn that my skin will deal with them itself, lol. Because truth is my skin was really nice before i started picking it three years ago. It´s such a wierd habit really. You want perfect skin without any imperfections but all you do is make the skin worse with picking. I´m hoping that the more my skin will heal and the scars will fade the easier it will be to leave this habit behind! =)
pickingGirl
November 30, 2012
Hey guys. I am so disapointed in myself right now and feel really depressed. I have failed this again.... First i popped one of the pimples i had gotten on my forehead cause it bugged me so freakin much. This was day 28. Yesterday i was fine at first but then i picked all over my face every little imperfection there was and it didn´t even feel good while I was doing it so I dont see why I do this to myself. Even more sad I picked at my legs as well later on. Fuck this habit, i hate it. I was doing so well. Right now I feel really angry at myself and sad because everything sucks right now. BUT, i´m gonna remember this feeling and keep going. Cause this habit is not gonna get the best of me. I haven´t given up in beating this crappy thing. I am starting again and this time I am going to stop, I just have to stop now.
mirrorwarrior
November 30, 2012
I will let you in on some good news... You didn't fail! Unless your goal was to never pick even once again in your life, which is pretty unreasonable. You demonstrated 28 days of self-discipline and then couldn't pull off 29. You've done a lot of work to find out where your baseline is. Is like lifting weights. If you go out the first time and try to lift 25 pounds and can do it, that's great! So you put down the 25 pounds and try to pick up the 30 and- you can't! But you didn't FAIL. All you can lift right now is 25 pounds! And that's great! You just have to build from there. Now, try to lift a heavier weight. Maybe this time you can get up to 30 days without picking! And that would be improvement! But don't think of it as all or nothing. It is so easy to do that with our perfectionist nature. You've accomplished so much. Imagine, if you stopped picking for 28 days and picked the 29... For the rest of your life. On average, that would be 12 DAYS of picking a year. Tell me... Is that not an improvement from your habits 29 days ago? So, write down your most recent high- streak of 28, and get back to counting! Lets see how much you can lift now! -Best of luck, Stephanie.
pickingGirl
November 30, 2012
Aw thank you so much for you reply! This made me feel better! I guess i´ve put a lot of pressure on myself to stop forever... and I really have to be proud of the progress I do make, even if there is some setbacks during the way :)
hope2heal
November 21, 2012
Thanks pickingGirl. I'm so impressed that you're doing so well. I haven't managed to go one day yet without picking... but maybe tomorrow is the day! I have cut down a lot so trying to keep positive. I have banished my magnified mirror so at least i'm not having the long, drawn-out sessions that i used to.Glad you're feeling much more confident. Keep it up and hope to join you soon. xoxo
hope2heal
November 21, 2012
Thanks pickingGirl. I'm so impressed that you're doing so well. I haven't managed to go one day yet without picking... but maybe tomorrow is the day! I have cut down a lot so trying to keep positive. I have banished my magnified mirror so at least i'm not having the long, drawn-out sessions that i used to.Glad you're feeling much more confident. Keep it up and hope to join you soon. xoxo
Orange
November 21, 2012
That last part, almost made me tear up. Thank you, you are beautiful too, I'm sure of it. Even though you think you're not beautiful on the outside, inside beauty is more important. I always keep that In mind when I'm feeling down. I'll join you, I have to quit too, I've tried before, lasted about 2 weeks. Didn't end as planned. :) thank you :) happy thanksgiving, if you live in America.
Orange
November 21, 2012
That last part, almost made me tear up. Thank you, you are beautiful too, I'm sure of it. Even though you think you're not beautiful on the outside, inside beauty is more important. I always keep that In mind when I'm feeling down. I'll join you, I have to quit too, I've tried before, lasted about 2 weeks. Didn't end as planned. :) thank you :) happy thanksgiving, if you live in America.

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