My Cry For Help

Here's my story. Ive been picking at my skin for around 4 years now. Im a senior in high school and frankly I cant take this any longer. Im not really sure what triggered my dermatillomania but i think it might have something to do with my anxiety and depression. It probably has something to do with my moms death when i was younger, and my emotionally unstable, extremely strict father who I am the complete opposite of. Throughout school I have been bullied and ignored and now even senior year, i feel like i am being alienated, as i have no friends at school because ive been going to school with the same horrible people for ten years. I am actually a very social person(no matter how much i try to convince myself otherwise) and after a while this lack of socialization has really taken its toll on me. I know that college will be better and I know that there is nothing wrong with me (except dermatillomania of course ha) and that i am actually a very attractive person despite this. however no matter how horrible picking at my skin makes me feel, for some reason I just keep picking. It makes me so mad, because I am a competent person otherwise and it makes me feel mentally weak and depressed and so angry at myself that i cant stop destroying my skin. I have a bright future ahead of me ( I even plan to go to medical school) and i dont want to sacrifice that. I pick at my arms and my face mainly, for a while i was doing it every day to where my mild case of acne turned into large flaky scabs that im sure looked absolutely terrible( and was next to impossible to cover with makeup). I really value looking good and being healthy however looking at my habits, it seems like the complete opposite. I cant even wear the clothes i want to wear and am forced to wear t shirts of jackets as my upper arms are covered with scabs. Now i pick about once or twice a week, however usually these picking trances I get into last for around thirty minutes and my skin turns into a red inflamed bloody mess like it is right now. During these sessions, it almost seems like im in a trance and its only after that i feel extremely guilty and angry at myself. Ive been on this website a few times before and after i posted, i stopped picking for about 2 weeks and then it just all spiralled downhill from there. I honestly think it would be easier to quit smoking ciggarettes after being a chain smoker rather than stop picking at my skin. ( thats just an analogy I dont actually smoke) Ive only told one person about this, one of my friends that actually has dermatillomania as well- however she doesnt really like to talk about it and doesnt think that its a big deal. My dad has made comments about my skin being bad, but im sure he has no idea to what extent I pick or that i am virtually making my skin like this and dont have much acne. Ive been seriously contemplating telling my boyfriend of almost a year as I have told him virtually EVERYTHING else about me except this. I feel bad as sometimes on a day where my skin is bad, he tries to feels up my shirt sleeves on my arms and i have to jerk myself away. As im sure you know, this is extremely embarrassing to tell anyone, and im sure its very hard to understand if you dont have it yourself. Actually, to be honest, i dont even think that i understand it, all i know is that I am at a very low place right now and have been for way too damn long and I need a way out. I would just really appreciate if someone could relate to this post and we could send emails back and forth and I could have someone that i could talk to that is willing to share their story with me and talk. again i would really appreciate it.