Just talk about it.

Yeah it's a long post, but some people enjoy a nice long story. Hello, My name is Anna. I am 16 and I have been picking since i was around 6, yes six. My skin problems started early because I was the kid who didn't bathe and i hid my face in my greasy hair. Because of the way people treated me I became an extreme introvert, it wasn't the kids who hurt me, but my teachers, father and mother. My teachers would joke about how little me looked like a sick ghost holding my head down flat. I had a mostly verbally abusive father who would shake me and force me to wash my face. My mother had her own picking problems and would pick on my skin whenever she could see its problems. I have always had high hopes though, and still do, I even recall when i was around 10 saying to my mom in desperation "Maybe since my skin is so bad now, it will be gone by the time I am a teenager". She laughed and hesitated to disagree to such a small child about something so horrible for an individuals self esteem. My first phases of picking started with when I would go into the bathroom to get ready for bed, my dad would check me before I went to bed to make sure I cleaned myself right. So I would stay in there so long that he would drink himself tired and figure I must've done it all to spend almost an hour to hour and a half in there. I would sit on the bathroom counters and pick every little bump on my legs until i dripped with blood, being so rough on myself. I would have trouble stopping myself while going to the bathroom or bathing. That went of for 3 or 4 years until i just stopped feeling the need to mutilate myself, I had to do things like always wear pants and stare upwards while using the restroom to avoid seeing my healing, gross bumps eat away where other girls my age had flawless skin. I was so young and so scared of my body already. My leg scars are gone now and I have stared wearing shorts outside. I also mutilate my arms because of having what a lot of you have too, the small red bumps with white centers (for me mostly ingrown hairs). I do that ever so often and then force myself to wear long sleeves to stop picking them until its okay. I always start again though, through that sad cycle. The worst though is my face, probably because I cant make myself stop by wearing a ski mask all of the time. I have had off and on terrible acne breakout that move across my face. Since the beginning it has been, forehead, temples, chin, side face, and now it is still chin and the most recent cheeks. It would not have been as bad if I had not picked my cheek acne, but its such an easy place for bacteria to spread it is everywhere. This last summer was the best my skin ever was, and every day I was thankful for it, but now its back. It is so prominent and terrible I started to use makeup, not full force though, just the garnier BB cream once (rarely twice) a day. When I pick I obliterate and bleed and scar and cry. I have reached my peak. I am a very calm, good-natured female and want to build the strength inside of me to overcome this addiction I have had for 10 years of my life, it has a lot put into it, abuse, bullying, self esteem, and my future. I have a lot of hope though still that I will eventually be freed, I am not my skin and I do not see people for theirs. I just wanted to talk about it, and tell you that it's okay. When you are in front of that mirror it seems like such and individual battle, but I want you to try and see me along with the rest of people on this website behind you to hold your shoulders back and tell you that your civil war between physical and spiritual is using up your supply of life. Love yourself, because I love you just for living too. Best of luck you guys. Talk about it wherever you like, talk to me. right on here. I'm not going to baby you. I just want to relate to you. Happy Day.