big deep seeping scar on cheek

hi everyone, i've had this terrible picking problem for years with ups and downs. am currently in a very down phase and am so fed up and i just hate myself for doing this to my face. a few months ago i had a really bad pick which left me with open sores which i kept picking at with tweezers to get the horrid white heads out that i could see lurking in the skin. it took a month to get them to scab and heal. i went to the dermatologist had a glycolic oeel and the holes more or have closed. the problem was that a big red patch left over from the picking didnt seem to want to go so obviously i had to pick and pick at it and am now left with a round indented red seeping scar. i picked at it again yesterday to try to get the white heads i could see in it and yes i made it even deeper and bigger. ive got an appointment with my derm onthursday and im so ashamed to show her my face. My husband has tried to help by getting rid of my tweezers, and by pushing me to see a pysicologist. today i finally built up the courage to e mail one in my town and describe my problem. hopefully when he replies i will go personally to speak. im so fed up i just want this problem to go away. im fed of of wasting my life.. im fed up of lying to people about my scabs and injuries, its really bad cne, its a cold sore, its excema, its an allergy.....im fed up of trying to over up the damage with concealer, foundation only to look like a mask with scars seeping through..i' m fed up of isolating myself so that i dont have to face people, of taking time off work .... i m fed up of looking at myself in the mirror and hating myself for ruining my face... im fed up of feeling this way....i feel so useless and ugly.