Just sharing my sadness after a picking episode

I go on this forum when I'm relapsing and freaking out about my skin picking addiction. I've been pmsing for about a week and have been using tretinoin (acne medicine) for about two months so my skin is not happy. I cannot help myself when I get a couple pimples and start going after every tiny pimple, blackhead, whitehead, you name it. I have a need to constantly check my face in the mirror to "make sure it looks perfect" but...you guessed it, it never does. I feel that I need to go to the bathroom to check how it looks but I'm scared to b in there alone cuz I know that I will probably end up picking. I've even thought about asking my boyfriend to watch me as i do my nightly routine cuz I kno I won't pick in front of him. As I am about to start picking, the voice in my head is screaming "don't do it! Don't do it!" But my hands don't listen. So here I am miserable again. Skin still looks bad, pimples r still there, and I am most vulnerable in the evenings. I'll try to make it till tomorrow.