Stop picking challenge

I feel that was kinda short so I'm just gonna write about my problem. I'm nineteen, I think I've been picking for 3 years or so. It started when I first got acne, and it really wasn't bad. This last year has been the worst. I found out about this problem a year ago, and since then I've been trying to stop; i've made calendars in which I would mark the days I picked, or I would write inspirational quotes and put them as my phone background to be reminded. I've tried avoiding mirrors, mentally reminding myself "when you go to the bathroom is in and out, you dont get to stand in front of the mirror for more than a couple of seconds", and even trying to not touch my skin at all, which is almost impossible because you have to be extra focused and that's not a way of living. Sometimes I do fine, some other times it feels like I can't even go a day without doing it. It sucks. I hate it. And I try not to be so hard on myself because it really makes me miserable and it's not like I want it or like I'm not trying to get rid of the problem. I also am trying to stop using products and make up, just washing with natural products, and if I manage to get my skin looking normal again I'll give it a try. Honestly, sometimes I feel like all this attention that we give to the skin even if it's to cure the problem makes us paranoid and crazy about it. What I think would be IDEAL is if we could just let it go, forget about our skin, even if it's looking good or bad, just forget about it, stop stressing, just stop thinking about our face or whatever part of the body we pick at. But that's way too hard, but I think it's worth a shot. Not now obviously because writing about this and doing a challenge is not letting go at all, but i think is what i need at the moment. Also, I NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT MY SKIN IS NOT EVER GONNA BE PERFECT, but if I don't pick it is definitly going to get BETTER and what's most important, HEALTHY. So that's that... I just needed to write some more. Thanks if you read it and sorry if it's annoying.

1. First day was actually easy. Trying to keep my mind occupied and been gone most of the day and now at night I don't even feel like picking. I think the real challenge will come when my face starts clearing and looking better. Then some serious focus will be required. Let's see how tomorrow goes. Most of the redness is gone, I just have some red dots here and there and some scabs. Let's keep this going one day at a time.

2. Almost picked today while I was plucking my eye brows. I stood there for 5 minutes feeling my face and looking at it but I managed not to do damage so that's good. Proud of myself. Skin's clearing up slowly, I've been putting chamomille and it seems to help. My face feels fresh and soft and since it is an antibacterial it's great. I'm not using any products, clensing with jojoba oil which I thought was weird but turns out it isn't, and it keeps my face hydrated and doesn't make me break out. I have 2 spots on my forehead, and red patches on my chin, and both sides of my mouth, and a scab between my eye brows. I'm getting anxious though, because I feel so happy and commited but I'm scared I'll have an episode of picking and all of this energy and feeling good about myself will go away. I guess it's normal to feel scared after failing so many times but yeah, I think I just need to focus and love my skin with its imperfections, pimples, scabs, little bumps and whatever. I really have to take care of it, otherwise I will probably have some serious issues with it in the future. I have to remember how my skin was before and how different it is now. Its way more sensitive and fragile and that's why I have to really let it heal and treat ir very well. So... let's keep counting.

3. Didn't pick today either. I'm discouraged though. I keep reading everywhere that will power does not work with this and I'm just like... this is not gonna work. I'm scared. I'm scared I wont make it. I think this is somehow helpful though, maybe being scared won't make me get confortable or stop being focused. I need to do this. And it's awful because I'm doubting I can and that's just... no. I have to do this. I'm sure other people have done it. We should be capable of controlling ourselves, I own myself, it's me who is doing this and I know I can stop it. I understand that part of me but I don't want it to want to pick anymore. I don't even know if this makes sense Anyway, day 3, I have to keep going, and this is my motto. "We can do anything if we stick to it long enough"

4. Didn't pick. I'm really proud of myself. That's 4 days right there.I have to keep this going. Skins looking good, i have some red marks here and there, and a pimple in my forehead that I have managed to leave alone, I don't even know how. Really happy. Just a comment, I usually pick on day 5 so I have to be extra careful tomorrow. Can't be distracted. I can do this.

5. Honestly I don't even know how I got through the day without picking. I only popped a small whitehead on my chin and I stepped away from the mirror fast. And I didn't mean to but I scratched one I had on my forehead. So I feel fine about it. Anyway, I had the shittiest day today. Feeling lonely and sad and fighting with everyone and feeling anxious and needing to get the hell out of here. So with all of those happy happy thoughts it is AMAZING that I didn't pick. I'm just, wow. Maybe I was too tired or maybe I just really needed to get on here and be like, i'm so proud because even though I had the most awful day I'm still looking fine. I was feeling terrible thinking about how my life has changed this past year and how I feel like I lost half of my friends and how I feel like I belong nowhere, and through all of this I was like, well, if my life is a mess right now, I'm going to make my face be the ONLY thing pretty and nice. And not the other way around like it used to be. Everything was fine but my face. Now everything sucks but my face. Anyway, I think i'm just a little too emotional these days. I hope I can keep this up. Actually I AM going to.

6. So I just fucked everything up. Great. And all because a stupid argument with my parents. Y locked myself in the bathroom and stayed there and then I started telling myself how I wouldn't pick, and to "test" me I started imagining myself picking and at the same time telling myself how I don't need it. And then I went to wash my face. And I couldn't stop. I picked both sides of my nose, 2 pimples in my forehead and both sides of my mouth. At least my chin is sort of okay. An my forehead... I'm praying that it isn't to screwed up because it is the most sensitive part of my face. And of course now I'm a mess. Crying, swollen face... Just wow. I thought I could do this but maybe I just' can't. I was doing so good. How can i possibly be that stupid. I hope when I wake up tomorrow there's not a lot of damage done. I'm going to sleep because I know if I get up I'm going to end up picking again. God I'm so disappointed it hurts.

Today is my first day of no picking . I don´t ever want to pick again if it really isn´t absolutely necessary. It´s ridiculous how tough it is not to pick but I would like to try to be here for you and I think this page will help me get rid of this bad habit-addiction-obsession.

I am a cheek biter. Have been for many, many years and want badly to stop. I can't take it anymore. I have often wondered also what is wrong with me. This is definitely ocd and it happened in childhood. I am sure of it. My brother bites his fingers, the skin to the knuckles. Always has bandages on many fingers at any given day.

1x. Sooo, i'm back at the beginning but feeling so much better. What seems to be helping is going deep in thought about my skin and why i feel the way i feel about it. probably tomorrow i will sit down with paper and pencil and start writing my frustrations and my beliefs and stuff and i know it will help me. but yeah, i read somewhere that skin is just that, SKIN. and we souldn't give it all that attention getting to the point of almost going crazy. pimples and scabs are meaningless and they will go away. just let them be. so anyway, face looking worse but hopefully it will heal fast enough. just gonna let it heal and not obsess over it :)

2x. Day two. My chin and forehead have some pimples and redness going on. I picked a couple of them but i don't really care about it because i didn't keep going. it was just 2 normal pimples anyone would pick. So anyway, I can't wait for my skin to become clear again. It deserves to be treated better so i am doing that. Being gentle and washing with chamomille which seems to help a lot. And trying to cut down make up. I will keep this up and succeed.

4x. Day four. No picking besides another pimple. My face is taking longer to heal than last time but to be honest i don't blame it. I'll just be patient and let it do whatever it needs to do. Still have to work with my feelings to figure out why i feel like i need to pick. I think i'm scared of having clear skin. Like, i can't picture myself with clear skin for longer than 2 days. I don't know what will happen if I don't ever pick at it again. Will it stay clean or not? Maybe that's why i'm picking, because I know what happens when I do it. But i don't know what will happen if I don't do it so I guess I'm just scared that what may happen is even worse than what happens when I pick. Now that I wrote it it seems pretty stupid and kind of twisted. Anyway, I'll keep this up and tomorrow I'll have to think about all this.