I'm in DEEP!

Hi. I just found this site. I am a 42-year-old single mom of four. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, at least. With medication I've had that under control most of the time. Although, I've never had any relief from picking with the medications. I have been picking my face since I was in elementary school. I've never known anyone else to pick their breasts like I do. Obviously I knew I wasn't the ONLY one in the 7-8 billion people on the earth to do this but it sure felt like it. I, like most as I've been reading on here, began picking my breasts when I was about 12 years old. I began getting acne when I was only six years old. My father would force me to stand there while he picked at my face often leading me to tears. He continued forcing this obsessive, controlling, downright mean behavior well into my teen years. (Side note - he, on VERY many levels, was a mean, abusive, terrible excuse for a father.) I've always contributed my obsession with picking due what he did to me {specifically in this respect}. After reading so many messages from fellow pickers I'm thinking it may be more than just having grown up with it. Either way, besides over eating, picking is what I'm most ashamed of. It has caused me embarrassment and shame for as long as I can remember. Until just these past few years I would NEVER let my partners see me naked. I'm going to be 43 next week. That is OVER 30 YEARS of suffering from this awful habit. I have scars all over my body and scalp from picking. And tons of scars on my breasts. Like many of you, I always tell myself I'm going to stop. Then I do it again and again. I don't experience hardly any pain to speak of when I'm picking but the satisfaction of squeezing it out or picking it off is unbelievably addicting. Sometimes I'll go a day or two without picking my breasts or anything else to the point of it leaving a red mark or puffy irritated skin, which almost always happens. But I honestly don't think I've ever gone a day without picking at least a couple black heads or otherwise clogged pores on my face. Although, picking my breasts and the scars it's left is the most humiliating. And here's something I've NEVER confessed to anyone, not even in a private journal: I also eat what comes out if it's solid. It doesn't taste like anything. I'll do this with my nose, too. I know this is terribly repulsive and if anyone ever found out or caught me doing it I'd want to just die. It's so unbelievably shameful. I wish I knew why I do this. It's so compulsive. I'm also pretty obsessive about plucking hairs, mostly on my face like eyebrows or nose hairs and now the ever-increasing old lady whiskers on my chin. WOW! I can't believe I said that "out loud"! (((Deep breath))) What now? I've been in therapy off and on over the years and always included my skin picking with my anxiety and depression. But I've never really been helped with the picking issue. But yes, I am very grateful I've found a decent amount of relied from the anxiety and depression. I read on here someone was going to try hypnosis to try to help her stop. I may give that a try. Thanks to all of you out there sharing your stories. I want relief from these afflictions for all of you as much as I want it for myself. Thank you for reading my story/confessional. Hugs.