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picky0000001 , 21 Mar 2014

30 days

I have been picking since I was 14 when I first discovered I could squeeze pores and have something come out. I am almost 20 now. over the past 2-3 years its been getting progressively worse. now, and last semester it was the worst its ever been. I have been trying to quit for about 15 months. I have made some big strides keeping my hands away from my face recently, mostly out of necessity - the scars were getting really bad, and I had large painful sores on my face that could not be concealed. So I became more conscious about it and now keep a log of when I do it (recommended by therapist). I just seem to set my expectations too high, like I'd hope that since I had a log I'd just stop picking altogether. wrong. I've locked up my pins and tweezers, and today tried to not look at my face all day, but slipped up twice :/ I cant expect to be perfect right away, but I need PROGRESS. so I'm going do somewhat of a 30 day challenge, although its more of a 30 day log. I am going to try my hardest not to touch my face in ANY way. If I slip up, I need pick myself up and move on. I need PROGRESS in the next 30 days. Tomorrow is the 1st day of spring, and I don't want to be hiding for it like I did the winter. Anyone else who wants to join I encourage you to... support is necessary to deal with these kinds of anxieties.
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fedUPwithPicking
March 21, 2014
I did really good the past two weeks n my body started to heal. Then i must have had a mood change. Im furious with myself for working so hard n then spending countless hrs undoing all that hard work. I joined a few hrs ago after i spent all night n morning picking. I kept my hands busy by reading these posts, then i went to go pee n looked in the mirror, told myself i will not pick, n almost immediately i went back to that place i didnt want to return to. I spent another 3 hrs destroying my body. This is my worst session in a long long time. I dont even realize time is going by or that im bleeding in 25 spots. I am discusted. I hate myself yet again. I make myself cry when i look at a mirror.im sick of having to hide my body. I came back online n first thing i see is this post. I am ready to once again give it my all n stop picking. i never had support with this so im optomistic that if we keep each other on task n away from mirrors we can improve our overall wellbeing. Im so glad i finally am reaching out after all these yrs of suffering alone. ofter all these yrs and scars its about time i try a new plan of attack. .
picky0000001
March 21, 2014
DAY 1 Hi there, very happy to hear that my post has helped you get back on track. I also feel optimistic that communicating with others who have this problem will help us stay focused on our goals. I understand your frustration - i'm always incredibly hard on myself when I make progress and then relapse. But I feel focussed and I know no one deserves to treat themselves this way. I have not picked yet today.. and my scabs from last week/monday appear to be slowly healing. I again am going to try to not look in the mirror at all today. haven't since 9am, trying to make it to 7am tomorrow. I only want to look in the mirror for a couple minutes a day, to apply concealer and thats it. The more time I allow to pass without touching my skin, the easier this will become as I eventually will not have open sores. One thing that helps me is writing notes to myself on my mirror with an expo marker. also if you have the kind of mirror that opens like a cabinet you can leave it open to remind you not to look in the mirror. let me know how today goes for you. will update tomorrow.
picky0000001
March 23, 2014
So my first day was pretty good, and I think I touched only 2 spots and not badly. DAY 2 (yesterday) was not as good of a day for me. I did not spend the day destroying my face or anything, but i did aggravate 12-15 spots on my face. Spent over an prob like 2 hrs total picking throughout the day. Not badly, just several small setbacks in healing. Disappointed.Today I feel a bit anxious as I am unhappy with my skin and would like to see progress before monday (tomorrow). Hoping I can leave my skin alone today.
picky0000001
March 28, 2014
So i haven't kept up posting but i'm going to give an update if anyone is interested... DAY 3 - monday I picked for ~3 hours in the middle of the day. DAY 4 - tuesday I did not pick all day, but certainly had anxiety from the picking the day before, and unfortunately i accidentally started picking at like midnight and picked for 2-3 hours :( I actually created a new spot on my cheek that night :/ DAY 5 - thursday I DID NOT PICK THE ENTIRE DAY including before I went to bed. I am already seeing the results of this as my sores are scabbing and healing finally DAY 6 - like I said I'm finally seeing some healing. My forehead is healed (my main picking area from last week), and I'm just left with some slight discoloration that should hopefully be gone in a week or two. The scab from the spot I created tuesday came off after I showered this morning and now I just have a small pink/kinda sore spot. I am leaving it alone and I'm sure soon it will scab and heal completely. So other than that wound, I only have two others, which are small and on my chin. My goal is to have NO sores by sunday. Gonna try really hard not to pick at all from now to then :)
picky0000001
March 28, 2014
oops I forgot wednesday which was actually DAY 5 - i did pick on wednesday, that is when I made the two spots on my chin :/ so day 6 was actually thursday and today is day 7 .... one week in! I've had some setbacks but making progress....

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