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Beginning the process of quitting...
Hi, my name is Eva,
I just turned 18 years old and I have been picking for 7-9 years.
Countless numbers of times, I have tried to stop picking. I have tried many different things to help stop but unfortunately I have constantly gone back to this terrible obsession.
I think what makes it the worst is when I have a special event like a wedding, prom, a school dance, a family get together, or even going out with friends. One such example is high school graduation.
My HS graduation is tomorrow. Not an hour ago I went on one of my "picking sprees". Now, my forehead is covered in red spots where I picked and digged into my skin with tweezers. There is no way that my forehead is going to heal before graduation tomorrow and i am dreading going because of the photographs and the embarrassment.
Things I have realized about my picking have come from my years and years of doing it, and from sessions with my therapist. I know why I pick- it's very comforting, I grew up feeling very insecure about many things and picking is one of my outlets of escaping all of my troubles. When I pick it's like I go into a bubble where sounds are blocked out and all of my troubles disappear. It doesn't really hurt when I pick, which I have been asked by my therapist and family members. However, when I stop picking that's when I feel like the seriousness of what I just did and the guilt that comes with it comes crashing down on me like a powerful wave. Panic sets in immediately and I wash my face and try to treat it with a face mask or Neosporin or Sudocrem- which is like baby rash ointment but it's 10x better because it can be used on cuts, burns, rashes, irritation, etc... AND it's a thick white cream that covers any freshly picked red spots (which helps disguise it for a little while from my family members.
Picking is an endless cycle of guilt, anxiety, stress, and sometimes sadness.
SO, I want to share my journey and hopefully share some of the things that have kind of worked for me just in case they work for you guys better than they did in my case.
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