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lil_sammi , 26 Feb 2009

New to site . . desperately need help!!

Hi everyone. I have just come across this site after picking my skin for many many years. I didn't even know what I had had a name. I am 20 turning 21 this year and have been picking at my skin for 17 years (since I was 4). I scratch everywhere on every single part of my body and my skin is completely ruined! I am really badly scarred and have never in my life worn a skirt, shirt, etc. Even in extreme heat I will wear jeans and a jumper to cover my skin. I can't leave the house without wearing makeup because my face looks horrible and as a result I no longer go anywhere. I have been suicidal most of my life as a result of this and also have severe depression. It has only just now started to affect my relationship of 3 and a half years and I do not want to lose my fiance as we have a 2 year old son together. I also have photos of what I look like when I scratch. I really really need to talk to others like me and find out if anybody else has found anything that works for them and also if anyone has tried the online counselling provided by this site. Thank you.
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bb91
February 26, 2009
hi sammi, i am also new to the site, just signed up, im 18 but taking several psych courses at the moment. ive been picking for 3 years now. It seems to ebb and flow with me, mostly based on my stress levels. Also i seem to discover a direct correlation between my sex drive and my picking. It seems that when i have sex, or relieve my hormones another way, like weightlifting or boxing, i have less of an urge to pick. I think that there is a direct connection between stress hormones and skin picking, for example when i have a term paper deadline coming up, i tend to pick more. I have been able to keep my picking at a moderate level using several techniques of my own creation. Firstly, i work out 5 to 6 times a week. I also txt my gf when i feel the urge to pick and she tries to talk me out of it. keeping busy, reading, video games, studying, any activity that keeps ur hands busy works. television, unfortunatly, doesnt. my picking isnt that bad but my counselor also recomended other techniques, such as wearing latex gloves when possible, and sweaters at home. cocoa butter helps with the scars. best of luck. keep posting
lil_sammi
February 26, 2009
Thank you for replying to my post . . I'm feeling so alone atm. I have also thought about taking up boxing or something as well to relieve my stress levels. I notice my scratching is worse when I'm stressed but sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it and I do it when I'm bored, upset, even when I'm asleep as well. I just can't believe there are other people out there like me . . I have been looking for years!! Thank you for sending through all your techniques, I am going to give them a go.
bb91
February 26, 2009
not yet, this is new to me and i think its easier to just chat in this forum here. and i dont use msn anyway lol. oh im trying a new technique atm, i put like lotion on my scabs and then i cant pick them cuz its either too messy or too slippery, plus it helps heal them
lil_sammi
February 26, 2009
Yeah same . . I don't use msn either lol! Oh I'm glad the lotion works for you, unfortunately it doesn't work for me because it makes my sores go all soft and then I knock the tops off them easily or I just find it easier to scratch them. Atm I have Rawleighs medicated ointment on my face to try and make them heal faster but now I'm too scared to wash my face because I don't want all the tops to come off my scabs. I have a 21st this weekend and I just don't want to look like crap :( It's my first night out in 3 years! Do you scratch all over your body?
bb91
February 26, 2009
i pick and squeeze more than scratch really, mostly cuz i dont have nails. I have geneticly high testosterone from my fathers side so i am high strung and have anger issues sometimes. I take it out on my skin a lot. Also because of my testosterone levels i get a bit of acne on my chest arms and back. Unfortunatly they are usually empty or premature pimples that i pick or squeeze, only making things worse. try cutting ur nails really short. or sleeping with ur hands tied. as a last resort. oh a natural tan helps, i kno it sucks to go to the beach, beleive me, i have a six pack and muscles and all i can think of is ppl looking at my scars at the beach, but a natural beach tan fades away the scars. you can do it at a tanning salon too probably if u want more privacy.
lil_sammi
February 26, 2009
I pick, scratch and pull and in the last 2 years I have started using tweezers to help me. I too get really angry as well and because I don't want to hurt anyone or anything I take it out on myself as well by scratching. Which is why i think boxing would be a good idea. I've tried the nails short thing, it didn't work for me, same with tieing up my hands. Acrylic nails helped me a little cuz it made it too hard for me to pick but they cost SO much to get done and I don't have the money atm. I've tried the natural tan too and I agree it really helps with the scars. Unfortunately I won't go to the beach though and I haven't in over 7 years cuz I'm just too embarassed. I too have a really nice figure I just never get to show it off cuz of my skin. I'd like to tan more but I don't leave the house anymore that's how bad mine has got!! Also do you have a bf? I have been with my fiance for 3 and a half years and we broke up last night over this. It just got too hard to hide it from him anymore and he was sick of seeing the way I looked. It sucks as well because we have a 2 year old son together :o( this scratching has just totally ruined my life.
bb91
February 26, 2009
well im a guy. i have a gf lol. My gf knows about it and helps me with it. She had eating disorder issues and kinda knows what its like to have a body image addiction so we fight together, and its a big help. Idk how ur fiance would take it but i think opening up to him might be a good idea. the more alone u feel the more u tend to pick. the only person who knows is my gf actually. and i only told her cuz she sees me naked so i couldnt really make up anything. also she trusted me with her issues so i figured i could trust her
lil_sammi
February 26, 2009
Oh shit sorry I got things mixed up a bit. I'm glad your gf really helps you out with it. I kept it hidden for a long time from my bf but when it came to giving birth well that ended that and he finally saw me naked. My bf had drug addiction issues and I helped him through that so I was hoping he would help me but he says he can't take it anymore, he hates the way I look, my scratching disgusts him, etc. etc. so I burst into tears and that was the end of that. The only ppl that know are my family cuz I've had it since I was 4 and my bf. None of my friends know they just think I'm the wierd one that wears winter clothes in summer lol!!
bb91
February 26, 2009
yeah i havent been picking for too long and i try really hard to keep it on my shoulders and chest and away from my face so that i can usually dress normally, recently tho i have been wearing sweaters to the gym instead of t shirts. im really sorry to hear bout what happened. i know we just met but it seems like i know you already, probably cuz we have a similiar problem. I have class in 6 hours and i still havent gotten any sleep tho so unfortunatly i g2g, but listen, il sign in this forum at about 10 pm east coast time tomorow if you want to talk. I told my gf this when she was having her eating disorder issues and now im gunna tell it to you: you have to remember that you are beautiful, not because of your outside appearence but because of who you are. You are strong and you can make it through this. And no matter how bad you think you look, i will always find you gorgeous and i will always be here. I know it sounds corny but i figured id try to cheer you up. anyway u need anything before i go to sleep?
lil_sammi
February 26, 2009
I hope you get to start wearing t-shirts to the gym again soon. Same you are the first person I have talked to who has this problem and it feels really good to know that I'm not alone. I too have to go as I have an appointment in 30 mins - I just want to check that you live in Australia so we get our times right lol! I live in Perth Western Australia so I'm not really sure of the time difference. But as soon as I get a comment from you I should be able to comment back. Thank you so much for your beautiful words, they meant a lot to me and thanks they did cheer me up :o)!! I look forward to talking to you again!! Take care!!
bb91
February 26, 2009
well i live near new york city so im a bit off of ur time zone.10 pm for me is 12 noon for you in western australia, i have a distant cousin in sidney btw. anyway thats when il be online. and im glad i could help. Also there are more of us than you think, many just wont fess up and admit it. Talk to you tomorow , goodnite lol
lil_sammi
February 26, 2009
Wow New York . . I have always wanted to visit there. Hehe well 12 noon is a good time for me anyway so that will be great!! Talk to you then . . goodnight lol!!
lil_sammi
February 27, 2009
I felt a little better after going to the psychologist last night. He'd never heard of Dermatillomania either . . actually I haven't met anyone in Australia who has a clue what it is. I asked if he could refer me to someone who specialises in this area but I think there is only specialist help available in the US . . I've been trying really hard not to pick cuz I have a 21st this Saturday but no luck so far. I had to buy long sleeve pants and a long sleeve shirt as my clubbing outfit lol!! How are you feeling today?
bb91
February 27, 2009
yeah i kno its pretty rare apperantly, im gunna see a doctor soon, probably next week. i havent picked much today, only like 5 or 6 scabs today. im having a good day i suppose. if u fly out to new york u must let me know. my counselor knows a little bit about it, even though she hasnt even completed her masters yet, but she is very smart and gave me a few good tips today. She recommended doing something like squeezing a stress ball or doing something else with my hands. I bought a stress ball and it kinda helps a bit. Also when im in my computer i doodle in paint and it keeps my hands busy. U still upset? i mean of course you are thats silly of me to ask but like are you gunna be ok?
lil_sammi
February 27, 2009
Lol I'd love to come to New York . . I'm a big fan of Sex and the City haha lame I know!! This may sound really silly but I'm going to send a letter to Dr. Phil to see if he can raise a bit more awareness of the issue as I never even knew it had a name until yesterday. So far I've been pretty good as well only picking about 5 . . but then my son rammed his firetruck into my forehead and so now I have a massive cut between my eyebrows . . so not helping!!!! Thanks for the tips . . I love painting and I'm thinking of joining a gym to start boxing to relieve some of my temper. Does working out at the gym help relax you? Yeah I'm still pretty upset but not nearly as bad as yesterday, I just hope my psychologist can fix this. How are you feeling today? Less lonely I hope?
bb91
February 27, 2009
im feeling a lot better today, i hung out with my gf after school and we made plans for my bday, im 18 on the 17 of march btw. and i love going to the gym, it takes away the craving to pick for a good 4 hours afterwords, and its a way of showing off my body without showing off my skin, i wear sweats but still i have impressive workouts so ppl can tell im in good shape and it feels good. Im glad ur feeling better. and ur son seems a lot like my baby cousin lol. he also hit me in the face with a firetruck once. i never watched sex in the city but i assure u the real new york isnt as glamorous, but the doctors are good. I live about 20 miles or so away though, not exactly in the city.
lil_sammi
February 27, 2009
Glad you're feeling better. Your gf sounds really sweet! Does she ever try to help you stop? Or has she ever done any research on it for you? I was quite dissapointed in my fiance that he never bothered to look into things for me to try and help me even though I put SO much effort into helping him to quit drugs. The gym sounds great - I hope it helps me as much as it helps you! Lol gotta love kids sometimes haha . . stupid firetrucks . . had a massive headache afterwards and so annoyed that I didn't have a spot on my forhead before and now I have a massive one lol!! Oh :( damn about NYC - is where you live nice? My friend visited NY outside of the city and she came back with some beautiful pics. You're really lucky to be in the US as a lot more research is done there on rarer conditions. Hey have you purchased the online book from this site? I was thinking of buying it for the help. Oh and Happy Birthday for the 17th March . . it's a big year for both of us 18 and 21 . . I was really hoping to have stopped picking by the age of 21 . . it would be nice to have fun for it without having to worry about what I look like!

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