Looking for friends

Hiya blue-sky-rolling-white-clouds free, aka clarity-alas (hope you don't mind just thought it was a fabulous statement). So much of what you say strikes a cord with me too. Turning on ourselves when we should have expressed our unhappiness or disgust to the person who actually put it on us. I believe we can be more than our complexion, we have to be! We do have to wear make-up to feel better and it is a pain in the arse but if it provides us with a sense of comfort then so be it! I bet it was so annoying when your psychologist said that. I bet you thought, christ! What is she trying to say? I was always recognised by my teachers too. I was often top of the class in something. When I went to University I was top in the class on a number of occasions (a class of 60!) but then sadly the skin picking thing and low self esteem had the better of me and so I never completed my degree. I don't regret that though as it was a Graphic Design course and I have been taken on a different path, working with children, I think it suits ME better as I'm not stuck in an office all day and night being told how to do things, creatively I feel your art is about expressing yourself and personal enjoyment, not tied to your computer trying to achieve somebody elses view of art. So, although my face picking stopped me from completing things and affected relationships, I have actually ended up somewhere better, where I can help others, and I have found that the really decent people, the people who are right for you anyway, stay with you despite the tendency to pick at your face!! So where are you with the picking thing now? Are you still finding yourself doing it? I have stopped that now. I am relieved too. I have decided to take back control and love me, because I would like to be in a relationship. You mentioned being in a relationship. What does he/she think about it? Do they treat you like you wish to be treated? I would love a partner. I have so much to give and not finding myself able to is what drove me to seek help in the form of counselling. I contacted a group called Changing Faces first, a charity that deal with people with disfigurements or other issues that affect the face. They are who told me about this as a recognised condition. Phew! We must fight this pain we feel about our faces. We are more than that are we not? No stranger knows we did what we did. Maybe we should pretend to ourselves (we must be good at that by now!!) that we had an accident as a child/teenager that caused our scarring. Nothing to feel ashamed about! We shouldn't feel ashamed anyway really but we do don't we? Us both intelligent women doing something well quite frankly idiotic! That's what we think though isn't it? Well we have to stop that to? We are not idiots, we were caught up in a viscious cycle that was difficult to escape. We can now. We have the tools and the support. We have to let the fact that we lived with so much pain for so many years just be, it doesn't mean we are burdened with it forever. We are light beneath this darkness. We need to find our true selves again, those children that would laugh and play so freely! We have to forgive ourselves for the opportunities we think we've wasted. We have to change ourselves and let go of the pain. Mostly though we have to give other people, like friends and family time to understand and see the changes. Unfortunately the hardest thing about changing is that other people maybe don't see it, or believe we can't, or worst still don't want us to!! We can only do this for us and know within us that we are changing. We don't need the blessing of others, we do this for us. I know, we think how? We've been miserable and pessimistic for so long after all! Well I believe we can. We're not fogies yet! Come on girl friend let's do this. Let's shine whilst we are still young! If you do ever want to unburden stuff that rags with your head and you don't feel counselling is what you want then you can always contact me. It is entirely up to you. Even if you just want to say what a good day you had or you managed to stop an episode from happening. Anything, then please contact me. My email address is: lisa@liso.plus.com. I would like to do the same. Then we can big each other up or consol one another. What do you think? Take care too Lx