Did this ever happen to you?

Hi--Sometimes I try to figure out what "caused" my picking in the first place, but it seems very mysterious, and I realize that the reasons I pick and the ways that it manifests have evolved over my life. I'm 28. Like you, I come from "stable" upbringing, but if I really got into the disfunctions of my family, I'd go on forever. I am also "intelligent" --I've always been smart and I'm working towards my PhD. Anyway, I think the thing about picking your sister's belly button is amazing. You could really psychoanalyze that! Ha. Just that it must have been such a mixed moment, and I can see how it would stick with a kid. I always always picked my scabs, and I loved doing it. It was pleasurable. I think that is normal, I think there is some kind of inherent physical pleasure in picking a scab, and that maybe children can begin to fixate on it as a way to self-soothe. Looking back, I don't think it was really abnromal that I picked my scabs, but more and more I began to fell abnormal because of it. I gradually worked up more and more anxiety about it because I was told to stop and that it would leave scars. As I got more to my preteen years--where you start to worry about how you look, and start to want to look a certain way--I was really worried about getting scars on my legs from scabs (which is funny, now I could care less about childhood scars on my knees, etc!). Face picking started more as a teenager and became my main fixation. So anyway--I guess what I believe about the "cause" or very beginning of picking, is that it does not necessarily come from trauma or is inherently crazy. I think it is a behavior that somehow reaches this really f**d up proportion, for whatever reasons. It could be similar to overeating, or alcoholism. I also have perfectionism, maybe I wasn't loved enough as a kid, my mother was a pretty angry person, etc, etc--what I'm trying to get at, is that maybe we all have our particular variety of psychological problems (which clearly tend toward things like perfectionism, OCD, anxiety, etc) that have somehow attached and are bound up with this particular behavior. That's why I think counseling, behavior modification, etc can really work here. We have to learn new behaviors, how to cope, how to care for ourselves, etc. That is completely possible. There is nothing so "wrong" deep down inside of us that we can't unlearn this, or learn to live better. I also do not feel I have to know Exactly Why or What caused my picking--it doesn't really matter. Understanding that might help to an extent, but ultimately, I feel like I have to deal with right now, and that I need to work towards a healthier way to live and not fix something from the past, which I'm not sure I could ever fully understand anyway.

I was just thinking about this again, about being intelligent. Yes, it seems like lots of people here mention that, being at the top of their class, always being smart, etc. I also have always academically excelled, been good with words, etc. I was never an athlete, well, a couple of years of swim team but I was very slow! But anyway, I'm not sure others will relate to this, but my picking is very caught up in my mental thoughts. Everyone sort of has a tape recorder in their mind going off all the time ... for me, its when the tape recorder is playing things that stress me out that I pick (I'm never going to finish this, Prof x will hate this, everyone can see my scabs, why did I say that? etc etc). And also, like others here, I am kind of physically disconnected from what I am doing. Maybe our brains are a little over active?! I am joking a little, but seriously, I think sometimes I am too much in my head. Yoga is something that has helped me so so much. i have enjoyed the physical aspect of it, even though I was never super coordinated, or good at sports, with yoga, I now feel like I have a certain level of physical mastery over something. and then yoga has also helped both my physical and mental self awareness--I can more easily recognize and interfere with the tape recorder, so to speak. Anyway, there is some kind of interesting relationship between our mental habits and our physical habits I believe ...

I've been looking in the rear view mirror, lately, too. I don't have time to go into it all in great detail, but much of what you say, sweetpea, resonates with me. Perfectionism, being the good girl, seeking approval and attention by doing the "right" thing, emotionally distant mother, workaholic father, sister who acted out to get her attention, which eventually led to drug/alcohol abuse as a teenager. Traumatic time for me, entering adolescence. Also, a lot of sexual shame as a kid relating to an incident with a babysitter that I kept to myself for... forever. Didn't feel like I could tell any adult; like it was my fault. I recently disclosed this to my therapist and it was both traumatic and uneventful to bring it up. Irrationally still unconvinced that it wasn't my fault, but how could it be if I was 4 yearsold?! The picking seems to mirror that shame, as a continuation of my deep dark secret that I keep to myself. Like being ashamed of myself is a role I know and am comfortable with. Flash forward to 9th grade, first day of X-C practice at a new high school. My mom's dropping me off and I'm feeling a bit anxious meeting a bunch of new kids. She points out a big blackhead on my upper lip and suggests that I should "take care of it" before going in. I think that sent a very strong message about appearances and not being accepted as I am; the necessary lenths to go to so as to not gross people out... I'm still mad at her about this even that happened 20 years ago! Sheesh! Have any of you ever brought up the past with your family? I'm not sure it's prudent or productive to point a finger of blame, but part of me feels the need to express how that impacted me. (However, as a mom myself, it would crush me to feel like I'd failed my kids, so I probably won't bring it up at all.) Thanks for the therapeutic moment, all! Take care.

I can remember when I was about 14 years old and I was at my cousins house and my aunt got her to sit down at the table and said that she had noticed a blackhead in her ear. She took out a paper clip and dug it into her ear, she had to really push hard on her ear and the blackhead popped out, it was huge. That night I went home and went in the mirror with a paper clip and scoured my face for blackheads and it became an obsession. I hate it so much.... But this site has been so wonderful...

im hyperactive, overactive, always talking, thinking... i have always been at the top of my class... was always teased throughout schooling. i definitely think when i pick i am releasing some sort of extra energy. i usually play out scenarios in my head,... the "tape recorder" i guess. its sort of weird how much of a mental release i get from picking... usually triggered by irritation or anger. i have noticed the days i pick are the days i am in an altered/bad mood. but when i am finished, i ALWAYS spend even more time get angrier at myself than i have ever been at anyone else. i am a very emotional person, with a huge heart... i think my picking is related to me trying to cope with situations that i don't know how to deal with. i have ADHD and i think that may also have something to do with it all.

Your story sounds familiar. While we have some different aspects, we do have some common ground. As a child I didn't get hurt quite often because my mom was very anxious, it has caused anxiety in me also. We always figured my picking was just from my anxiety but after finding this site I wonder if it's more. I don't remember a specific incident that started my picking, when I was small I first started with chewing my cuticles. I'm assuming I just saw a hangnail and it went from just pulling the hangnail off to making the skin bleed. Hopefully that helps. ^^ EDIT: Oh I forgot to add that in school I was teased a lot. Not upfront, and probably most of it was just perceived as something bad when it could have been innocent. Regardless, it really battered my self esteem.