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mset68 , 12 Feb 2008

i've been picking for 27 years

hello everyone i am a 39 year old male. i turn 40 in june and my fantasy is to have face picking behind me by my birthday. i have been picking since i was around 12 years old. my mother used to pick at my pimples with a sterilized needle ( she did the same to my siblings) and i believe she in effect trained us to pick at ourselves. although in recent years my picking has gotten better, i still do it ( i just did about an hour ago) i thought that i had discovered the key to not picking by not allowing myself to get too close to the mirror, especially at night. i have a few clogged pores and sometimes very small blemishes, but nothing that someone without this disorder would ever notice. i'm feeling so discouraged right now because this episode came out of nowhere. i was planning on going to a friend's birthday party tonight but now i'm staying home because of the damage i've done. it starts with me examining my face very closely and if i notice even the slightest bump, i try to force the contents out. i create 5 or 6 red bumps all over my face and then i force myself to stop and i hold ice on the swelling. i have concealer everywhere; in my gym bag, my coat, my medicine cabinet. if i'm not worrying that people can see my blemishes, i'm worried that they're noticing that i have makeup on. i am so tired of this. i actually get compliments on my skin all the time, and my face was clear when i woke up this morning. i really, really would like to put this behind me. is it possible to beat this thing? any feedback would be appreciated. i'm so glad i found this website. mark
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uvinerse
February 12, 2008
uvinerse Holy, everything you've just said sounds way way way familiar, i can honestly relate. I tell myself to keep away from mirrors, but just like pandora's box i end up looking anyway, and i end up so depressed with myself with the damage i've done since i was just looking and feeling fine moments before the picking. O, and the instant change of plans brought about by the the picking session. I swear to God this compulsion's got all cons and no pros. But it's not all the time you can ditch a commitment. Sometimes i've got no choice but to attend them and my face looks like it got hit by a truck. I just have to suck it up amidst the humiliation. I've been picking only around half the time you have. You shud be the one supplying the answers ... you must be quite the expert by now, hehe... Honestly i think this thing is turning into a lifelong battle, i'm sure it cud be controlled - the way former alcoholics stay way from booze. But its way harder for us bcoz our alcohol is at the very tips of our fingers. Something that's helping me a bit ryt now tho is by being aware of the compulsion even if the urge to pick isn't there. It's not like i'm looking for the urge, it's more like keeping my guard up. Before i was very quick to forget i even had this compulsion, i hated it so much, that i made myself forget about it especially when the urge wasn't around, but i think it's during those times that the compulsion strikes the hardest. it's when we're caught off guard that it hits and hard too. Now, i think i'm starting to embrace the compulsion as a part of me and honestly the more i do the more i seem to be effectively keeping it at bay. I hope im right tho, i mean it's working for the moment, but only time will tell i guess.
mset68
February 17, 2008
first of all, thanks for responding... isn't funny how familiar a lot of these posts seem? since i hd that episode last sunday, i've been very mindful of my feelings. i'm trying to be very careful about when i look in the mirror, and about getting too close to the mirror. since i've posted here i've had fewer urges. i also joined this site http://www.stoppicking.com which lets you keep a daily log of episodes/urges/where the picking took place it's really helped me. how are things going with you? mark
uvinerse
February 19, 2008
uvinerse well a few episodes here and there, but over all, cudn't be any better, thankfully. But the hard part is, sometimes i don't need a mirror to pick my face, it seems like my fingers have eyes of their own and they seem to know exactly where to pick, talk about hyper-sensitive. One more thing i fear is what i call " the picking season", it's when the urge is at its craziest and my fingers literally have a life of their own, and i mean it when i say they take no prisoners. Total Devastation. But you are right, one thing's for sure. The website's are indeed helping. Must be part of the reason i'm controllling my urges well these past couple of weeks: )

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