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spouse_of_a_picker , 07 Sep 2009

Spouse needs help

i don't know how much longer i can let my wife do this to herself. does anyone have advice for family members of skin pickers. how can we help?
11 Answers
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Becca
September 08, 2009
hi! where does she pick? if it is her scalp...is it b/c she has dandruff? maybe try to help her invest in products to reduce the dandruff (which is what i'm going to start doing) (apple cider vinegar as a shampoo or rinse you may have to google that)...just be very supportive b/c she may have an anxiety/panic attack if she hasn't said anything to you and you bring it out...that's how i was. My bf's cousin is a nurse & I have recently told her about it. She said it might be a "tick"...like a nervous tick when you do something as a comfort in a awkward situation or something. Let me know if I can suggest anything else.
spouse_of_a_picker
September 08, 2009
hi. thanks for the reply. my wife picks all over. she will pick at her face,legs, arms, breasts, buttocks, etc. she has done it most her life. we've been together 12 years. the frequency of the picking has varied over the years but never stops completely. obviously times of stress does make it worse. it's heartbreaking to watch her not be able to stop, she will mindlessly pick at times, not even realizing what shes doing and then other times she's fully aware of what shes doing. i can't reason with her because she agrees with all i say about the damage and underlying issues that may be causing/triggering it but it's no different than trying to reason with an addict. i'm at a loss. thank you
tofurky
September 08, 2009
hello. sorry to hear about your wife. i am also the spouse of someone with CSP. is your wife seeking treatment? you're right, reasoning isn't helpful because rationally, your wife understands the damage she is doing. the important thing is to understand that she can't help it. it's not a choice. so you are not going to be able to "talk her out of it". from all of the websites i've been reading, it seems like the best we spouses can do is offer our love and support while our spouse works it out for themselves. a lot of the sites i've read say stuff like "don't do anything to make them feel badly or they'll pick more" - which is a terrifying prospect... i haven't been able to find a spouse/friends of CSP-sufferers support group online yet... how about you?
Noscubs
September 08, 2009
It is like being an addict, but impossible to remove the drug! You don't want to chop off your fingers, do you? :/ Your right about the stress too, when I have a quarrel with my boyfriend, I can be sure that there will be a blood bath waiting for me afterwards... Picking is being out of control for me. I don't want to waste my life picking! Some times I've been picking for four hours so that I've missed out a party and let my friends down! I'm sure your wife is feeling all the necessary remorse, and more, even if she wouldn't say it. You are a GOOD partner putting up with her habit! For me, it feels awful letting my boyfriend down, over and over again, but it does NOT decrease the picking. So, what can you do? Maybe you could try to keep her busy, join a dance course together, get her a pet she must take care of, something like that. Try to enjoy your lives in spite of this. I think you have the right to express your own feelings in this matter, and she has to respect those feelings.
spouse_of_a_picker
September 08, 2009
just being able to discuss it with others affected by this provides tremendous relief. i haven't been able to talk about this with anyone. honestly I've felt like the bad guy for a long time. My wife is still under the belief that what she is doing is somehow no big deal, but i've seen how our sons watch her dig in her skin and sop up the blood with tissue. i have asked her to not do it in front of them, i don't want them to start picking. She has a daughter from a previous marriage that picks as well. i feel a bit scattered with all this right now. i appreciate the responses, so much. I have to say it made me a little teary eyed to hear from others and to have somewhere to express my confusion, concern, doubts, etc thank you
Noscubs
September 08, 2009
Oh, she does it in front of you, that's not nice! Is it possible to ask her not to pick eighter in front of your sons, you, or anyone else? To tell her it IS a big deal, and gross too! She should be aware of that the picking is a problem in you relationship, and she must do efforts.
spouse_of_a_picker
September 08, 2009
Yes I have asked her to not do it in front of the children but she doesn't even seem conscious of her fingers feeling around for something to pick. If she goes to the bathroom then we don't see her for30- 40 minutes because shes picking. it is a problem that is affecting our relationship. Just in the last few months it's become incessant picking, nearly non-stop. She'll notice me watching her pick and she'll stop but her other hand compulsively starts in some other place. I'm frustrated, concerned and sad, i'm afraid of losing her to picking
Noscubs
September 08, 2009
Oh, I feel really sorry for you, and I'm running out of words... :( Hopefully you will get some comfort on this website. Yes, tell me about non-stop picking. I'm picking all the time that I'm using the computer, surfing on the net as if an excuse to be able to pick. Should go to sleep because I have to get up in 6,5h, but can't really bring myself to turn off the computer! It is all very stupid and frustrating! Today I missed out a lecture because I was picking, and got really pissed off! I get angry if I don't pick, and angry if I have picked for too long! :|] Need some anger management! :D
spouse_of_a_picker
September 08, 2009
Your words have been a tremendous help! From your last post I can tell you understand what i'm talking about and thats good enough to keep me goin to the next step in dealing with this. I gues finding some help for myself wouldn't hurt either. Thank you very much and i hope you can find the support you need.
ldill
September 10, 2009
I have no great words of advise BUT would like to suggest watching the A&E special called Obessed. The episode where the g/f skin picks is really an eye opener and she does get treatment. It provides insite on little things you can do, rather she can do to help reduce and hopefully stop the cycle. Good Luck to both of you.

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