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azure , 29 Nov 2009

My forty-day plan....WHO'S WITH ME?!

Hey people! Okay, I've heard that in order to beat a bad habit, you have to NOT do that bad habit for forty days. Once you have successfully been habit-free for forty days (AND NO CHEATING), then the habit has been beaten. Hooray. And if you cheat, then you have to start all over again. It's supposed to be forty consecutive days. Okay.... So, I'm going to try to stop picking at my face and any other body part. I already cheated a bit, so today is DAY ONE. However, I'm happy to say that even though I did cheat a little bit, I did not go all out like I usually do. It's been three days. BUT, I did cheat, I acknowledge that, so today is officially DAY ONE. Would anyone like to join me? This is what I'm doing: I always pick in front of a mirror. So, now I spend as little time in the bathroom as possible. If I look in the mirror, I run out of the bathroom. But let's say I need to put make-up on (my make-up is in there anyway)...I open the door to the bathroom and then proceed to apply my make-up. My parents' bedroom is right across from the bathroom, and they have started to count how many minutes I'm in the bathroom. And this is a good thing! Moral support really helps even though it's technically an invasion of privacy! .....but now I'm worried that I'll develop a fear of mirrors.....so I look in the mirror a little bit everyday and spend a bit more time (like a few seconds, no need to stand right in front of it for a long time if I'm trying to beat this thing) in front of it everyday. I want to beat this thing, I want my life back and I want my face back. I could use the moral support and everyone's welcome to join me! Post your forty days here! Yeah, there's a huge chance that it's not going to work....but smokers have done the forty days too! This is also an addiction, and I'm sixteen years old. I've got my whole life to look forward to and I will beat this thing somehow. Starting right now. Let's see how I do for DAY ONE. WHO IS WITH ME?
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winnie
December 04, 2009
I am also in grad school (Secondary ed. and teaching credential) and had disorder-eating in the past (or maybe anorexia....I never truly told anybody about it). I scratch at my back (acne) and am also a perfectionist. I have a dance performance on Sat. and this is the motivation to leave my back alone right now.....for me, knowing someone will see my back is definitely motivation to leave it alone. Knowing I would be wearing a bathing suit was also effective UNTIL I got a "wetsuit top" which then hid my back and gave me an excuse to be able to pick it to death again. For me it is a largely a nervous, unconscious thing, so it is very hard to control. When I am conscious that I am doing it, have a sensation that I am "fixing" my back by getting the scabs off. I can't see what I do to my back so sometimes I've made deals with myself to only scratch it (helping it....) if I do it in a mirror, so I can consciously see what I am doing to myself and stop before it gets out of control. This has helped in the past. Also, I tend to unconsciously scour and scratch at it in the shower (especially if I tried to soak in a tub) so I try to take quick showers and completely avoid touching the area, or I will get started, unconsciously and before I know it, I'm a bleeding mess...... I think I go into a trance....dissociative type and don't know what I did, but when I "come to" I am filled with shock, remorse, guilt and shame....then I won't want to take my top off in front of my husband (or if I do, I try to make sure my long hair covers my back). My husband also called my attention to the fact that I scratch my back (unconsciously) while driving or riding in the car. For the people who know they have triggers, they are lucky, because they can pinpoint when they might start....for those of us who zone out....we aren't so lucky I think....much harder to get a grip on doing it. Of course, I am most likely to do it when I am alone (which is much of the day).....or in the shower.....
azure
December 06, 2009
Hello Winnie. Let me start by giving you a hug * hugs *. Dermatillomania is such a horrid condition since we lose our sense of control. It's high time to get it back. Even though lightly picking at your back may have helped you from going too far, I think it's time for you to quit cold turkey. But you don't have to do this alone! I have my mom stop me every time I unconsciously pick, your husband may be able to do the same for you. Also, here at this forum, we have many people that are in similar situations and we all support each other. Good luck, sweetie.
sls
December 31, 2009
Wow, it is great to know that there are other graduate/medical students that suffer from this. I am currently in my first year of med school and my picking is worse now than it has ever been. I am pretty sure that this is due to the stress of school. Well, the picking got so bad that I couldnt concentrate on studying, my anxiety ovewhelmed me, my other OCD symptoms amplified, and I finally fell into depression with everything that was going on. Well I am now in treatment and while I have not noticed much of a change (as far as the picking i concerned), I am hopeful for the future (especially now that I know that I am not alone in this and that I can use this site as an additional support system!!!) I am willing to give this 40 day challenge a try, especially as we bring in the new year! I have been picking for over 12 years now and every year it was my New Year's resolution to stop picking. Last year I changed that to seeking help since I had been unsuccessful in stopping, but this year I am going to try to completely stop again. Good luck to all of you out there, Im rooting for you :)
Beth
December 04, 2009
No doubt, grad school is the worst for picking. I sit here working on my thesis with one hand constantly roaming around, looking for bumps and imperfections. Another unsuccessful day on my 40 day plan. I guess succeeding every other day is better than nothing.
barbie
December 04, 2009
I GET THIS! i am a graduate student right now and in therapy and he wants me to log when and try and stop but i feel like i have nothing to replace it. when i go from studying one topic to the other i instinctively go to the mirror to check out my face. sometimes i have to go to the library just to make sure im in a public place and wont do it. good luck with this! if you figure out any way to deal with sstress effectively let me know1
azure
December 06, 2009
nde, welcome to the forty-day-thingy (which I keep calling, but it really needs a better name than that haha)! Stress totally gets me to pick as well and it just feels like I'm being bombarded with all sorts of things that just get me down. It's so frustrating! Gah! Okay, so what do you do to de-stress? Do you have any hobbies? I pick not only when I'm stressed but also when I have TIME. Try to do things that will distract you, but don't overwhelm yourself while you are at it. We're rooting for you and always know that you are not alone on this journey. Hugs and kisses!
Beth
December 03, 2009
Well, day 2 was going really well until last night when I noticed a pimple on my cheek, and then I started laying into my arms and back all over again. I had to peel the sticker off of my calendar :( Guess I'll start again!
Flux123
December 04, 2009
Hey azure! Am loving your positive attitude about this whole thing...it's reminded me that it's not actually outside of my reach to actually quit this addiction without a substance! So thank you! Ever get those moments when you just need a bit of a reminder that it's do-able? Congrats to you azure and also to the rest of you guys that are on board for the 40 days concept for sticking to it so far - good luck :) So...today will be my Day #1! I've been partially off it for about 10 days now...but not completely...I let myself off with a bit of cheating. From today - no more cheating! P.S. the sticker idea sounds like a good plan, stickers are deffo going in the shopping trolley tomorrow!
azure
December 06, 2009
Hello there! Loving your attitude as well, Flux123! First few days are the hardest but don't let them get to you! And no worries about starting over again, I started this forum on my second attempt at the forty-day-thingy. Good luck, sweetie, and I'm here (and so are others!) if you want to talk and express your thoughts on our journey. :)
Flux123
December 06, 2009
Ah, totally starting over again! Kinda found myself cheating quite a bit over this weekend...revision for an exam I've got coming up on Wednesday...stress & boredom are not an ideal combination for kicking this habit! But here's to a fresh start. Night time always seem to be a bit trickier for me. How are the rest of you guys getting on? Hope all's going well :)
faithnhope
December 21, 2009
Well, I started my 40 days on Thursday or Friday. I have to start all over, so it's Monday, Dec. 21 for me. Had a very emotional weekend, just threw me into a deep depression, so I just have to pick myself up and try over. I'll let you know.'
winnie
December 07, 2009
Hi Azure, well I'm with you guys too......I only have this one area (my back) to NOT focus on right now....and it had been worse in the past. (more areas I was picking/excoriating)....a dance performance yesterday kept me from messing with it and I have another one in a week, so further incentive. winnie
magpie
December 12, 2009
Hope you make it through the 40 days! its nice to know that others are trying to break the habit as well! my finger picking has gotten so bad lately! one minute i'm doing homework and the next thing in know i'm picking at my fingers again! Tomorrow morning begins the 40 day battle for will power! XD
mcthal
December 13, 2009
Count me in for the 40 day challenge! This is the perfect timing for me to be setting a new goal and the optimistic commentary that all you lovely people provide on this forum is exactly the kind of support that is needed. It is indeed a beautiful thing to know you are not alone. Tomorrow (Dec 14th) is day one for me!
magpie
December 13, 2009
I didn't think it would be so hard! XD day 1 and i'm wearing my gloves! when i wear them i'm normally rubbing my skin against it like i'm still trying to pick but i've been trying hard to not do it! Have to keep reminding myself! Hope everyone is doing better!
faithnhope
December 18, 2009
I'm willing to try the 40 day challenge. I have been picking at my skin a lot more in the past few weeks. What has led me to this forum is that I have begun picking my scalp, to the point where it bleeds. I didn't realize the extent of my picking until I colored my hair last night - OWWWWW - talk about burning! So I'm starting my 40 days right now, 4:00 p.m. local time. I understand that this is a compulsive disorder, and I believe my compulsion stems from stress. I was raped and sexually abused as a child. (That has been resolved, the guys who did this have all asked me for forgiveness, and I have forgiven them after a lot of prayer.) I was married, but my ex, who I'll call Don, turned out to be very cruel. he was aware of my abuse as a child, and when we first married he was very kind. However, about a year in, he began to demand we participate in threesomes, etc. I took my marriage vows very seriously, and under no circumstances could I allow another person in bed with my husband and I. To make a long story short, we divorced after 9 years. 2 1/2 years after the divorce, we got back in touch, and he convinced me he had changed. I so wanted to believe him, and had not even kissed another man since our marriage and divorce. We got back together, with re-marrying in the future - and then his parents became ill. I became the full-time caregiver of both parents. His mother had a terminal disease, his father had alzheimers. When I would bring up getting married, he would tell me he couldn't concentrate on anything with his mom dying and his dad ill. This went on for 5 years. My mother-in-law passed away and dad ended up in a care facility ( a very good one) because I couldn't take care of him alone anymore, as he had become physically violent without notice. The day his dad was admitted to the care facilty, Don informed me he wouldn't marry me if I was the last f--king woman on earth. I went back to school and was in the process of graduating from medical lab assisting, when Don went ballistic and took the car away (his car), and locked the phones and internet conection in the gun locker - and he had the only keys. I called my twin sister to ask to borrow some $$ to get a car, and Shelby (sister) and her husband were very concerned that Don's behavior was not only very irratic, but also he purchased a shotgun right around the same time he locked everything up. Shelby flew out, picked me, my cat and my clothes up and got me out of the state. Don has no idea where I am, and after 3 months, has made no attempts to locate me (Thank God). I am now living in the northwest with Shelby, her husband and my nephews. I am safe, I completed my externship and finally got my national certification. I am job hunting and I guess I thought that when I got my nationals done, I'd find a job right away. This is not the case. I keep submitting resume's to hospitals in my state and the next state up, but I have never been good at just sitting at home, so the longer the job hunt takes, the more stressed I get and hence, I've graduated from skin picking to scalp picking. I believe that the desire to stop injuring myself, along with prayer and help from the Lord will give me what I need to stop. I know that this isn't an easy thing to stop doing, but I guess I'm just to the point I want to stop picking more than the compulsion to pick. Now that you've read my life story,I would ask for your prayers, and I will be praying for everyone on this site. We are all in this together, and it is a blessing to have some place to talk about this - none of us wants anyone to know what we do, but in order to heal, we have to talk about it and share our stories. So, here's to all of us skin/scalp/nose/feet pickers, who feel like lepers. We aren't, we just deal with stress and such differently than other people. Any comments, input, questions, etc, are welcome. I feel like we are a family, part of a club none of ever wanted to join. But I also try to see the positive - I believe that going through this will make me more compassionate to other people who struggle with compulsions, and make me more able to reach out to others I meet who are struggling.
partera
January 04, 2010
Ok I am in my forty day plan starts today! January 4th 2010 I have been picking for five years now an I am pretty sure it is due to the intense stress that I have been dealing with at in college. It took a looong time to admit it was a problem and not just a bad habit so here goes! I am happy to be doing this with others and look forward to posting my progress. How is everyone doing? It seems like I havent heard of success past a few days yet. I would love to hear some updates and if anyone would like to start or needs to start over today or sometime this week we could create possible a more intimate support group via email. Let me know! Good luck to everyone we can do it!
Katie J
January 29, 2010
I am in too. Day 1 starts this morning (Jan 29) when i wake up. This whole "don't spend long in the bathroom" thing sounds like a great idea to me...maybe i'll get a lot of my day back too!!
emmy1017
January 06, 2010
Ok I'm in! I've been picking my body my whole life well atleast as long as I can remember. I pick my face, back, arms, legs and I even pick those that I love! I waste many hours in the bathroom in front of the mirror and I hate that this obsession is controlling my life! I do it so often that I don't realize I'm doing it most of the time until I've made myself bleed! I haven't really been able to figure out what caused this for me. I had a great childhood, I feel like I'm pretty and I have a wonderful fiance! The only thing that I know is that when I pick I feel like I am "saving" myself from the stuff in my pores! Ahhhh!!! I want in on the 40 day challenge! Jan 6, 2010

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