My forty-day plan....WHO'S WITH ME?!

Today is my Day One to break my habit of picking at the skin around my fingers, as well as biting the nails... I'm so glad I found this forum, as I thought all of the gross things I do were exclusive to me.

Hello everyone. I'm a 25 year old graduate student, and I've been struggling with OCD, depression, anxiety and skin picking for most of my life. Like many of you have said, this forum is so amazing because it's such a wonderful thing to know that we really aren't the only ones in the world who do this, even though so much of the time it feels like we are. I just wanted to let everyone know about my blog, http://cult-of-one.livejournal.com/ I started therapy for anxiety and depression three years ago, and after getting those under control, was finally able to recognize the OCD for what it was. I started specialized treatment for the OCD and picking last year, and it has uncovered some really amazing things for me. I won't claim to have miracle cures or all the answers, but I started blogging about my experience in treatment because I was so frustrated for so many years feeling like no one with this problem has really discussed what the treatment process is like. Finding this forum about a year ago was really inspiring to me--just knowing I'm not alone!--and I want to share my experiences with others so maybe they won't feel so alone. It's difficult to face the treatment process, and the unknowns can be pretty intimidating. Like a lot of you, I didn't know what to do with myself when I couldn't pick, and I had to learn how to understand the process of changing my behaviors one by one. It's a difficult process, but there is treatment out there that works, and I hope I can share those experiences and strategies. Most of what I write about is the therapy process, strategies, processes that work and don't work for me and why, and the like. I also sometimes review books and articles that I've read that have been interesting or particularly helpful. There is no miracle cure for picking, but there are ways to win the battle. I'm so glad all of you have found this forum and are talking about your experiences- that's an important step and it takes a lot of courage to take it. I welcome any of you that are interested in checking out the blog, and I hope it is helpful!

I have had enough im 14 and cant go on living life like this i pick my face almost every day and then try to justify it by saying " i only picked a little." well that is the end of that this is my DAY ONE and i must be strong. Thank you I really needed to find this site!! I really needed this post.

Alright, I'm through with picking, scratching, and bleeding. I've picked my face since i was 11 and i am now 16 years old. I feel like this issue has taken over my life and I want to be with my friends again and not have to hide anymore. I feel so happy that I am not alone in this, even though my twin sister has the same issue but she will NOT admit to our problem. However, I'm really pumped for this forty-day plan thingy and I'm staring today! I hope that, if I succeed, I will inspire my sister to do the same :) and if anyone has any advice on how i can get through to my sister in the meantime, I would love to hear! thank you so much

I start tomorrow . Day 1 . Feb 3 2010 . im so happy i found a suport group. i thought i was crazy. this gives me hope. god bless everyone trying .

i want to try, but i don't know if i have the strength! :\... i'll try starting tomorrow, cause i failed ultimately today... this is really great to know that it's not just me who does this!

Hi People! Oh, wow. Lots of newcomers! WELCOME! Okay, it's been a while...about a month? My computer died, so I had zero internet and there was barely time at school to type (not to mention, what if someone saw me?). But I'm back. And unfortunately, I was not able to go through the forty days without picking....I'm sorry. But, I know that I shouldn't give up. This was my first try and I should never ever be afraid to start over...but it's hard. I think about my biological mother a lot, and I think about why she did what she did. I guess I better explain. My parents divorced when I was five. Didn't see her for two years, but I called her frequently. Then I saw her when I was seven. She brought her new boyfriend with her and his three kids...ah, she lives in Central America. That's why I didn't really see her. Okay, back to the story. So I saw her for about a week, and then she went back to C. A. with her boyfriend and his children. And then she moved to a different city and changed her phone number. I couldn't call her anymore. Didn't know if she was dead or anything. My parents (Dad and step-mom whom I've been referring to as Mom) gave me excuses, like she was so poor that she couldn't afford a phone or something along those lines...and then her boyfriend came to the U.S. three years ago. He was looking for me. He actually married her and was on a business trip her in the U.S. and it was convenient, so he looked up my dad. Apparently, they wanted me back in their lives. So, we exchanged two letters and spoke twice on the phone. And she got mad at me when I told her that I would not be speaking to her on the phone for about four months, just wait until the holidays. "I've got my Confirmation, graduation, and I have to prepare for high school. Talking on the phone is going to emotionally drain me. But, we can still write letters!" And she got mad at me. I wrote her a letter and I didn't receive a response. The holidays came around and my therapist (of course I had one!) asked me if I wanted to call her like I promised. I said no. I think that's about the only time I ever...defied my biological mother (not sure if that's the right word to choose). And I don't want to see her, I think. I don't want to be rejected again. It's sad, I don't even remember what she looks like but she has complete control over me. I'm not as outgoing as I used to be, I'm a people-pleaser and I'm deathly afraid of being alone. My fears probably made start to pick at myself. So, that is why i want to stop picking. I said that I wanted my control back, and it's not just to be able to control the urge to pick, it's also to be able to have control in my life. If I ever run into my biological mother again, I want to be able to say that I want her gone. I don't want to go right back to when I was five years old and worshiped the ground she walked on. I want to be happy. And it all starts with taking that first step to not picking! I'm so glad that I'm not in this alone, that I have all of your support. It's like I have another family here! February 3, 2010, is my DAY ONE. Much love to everyone and good luck. And no matter what happens, remember this: Don't be afraid to start over.

Hi People! Oh, wow. Lots of newcomers! WELCOME! Okay, it's been a while...about a month? My computer died, so I had zero internet and there was barely time at school to type (not to mention, what if someone saw me?). But I'm back. And unfortunately, I was not able to go through the forty days without picking....I'm sorry. But, I know that I shouldn't give up. This was my first try and I should never ever be afraid to start over...but it's hard. I think about my biological mother a lot, and I think about why she did what she did. I guess I better explain. My parents divorced when I was five. Didn't see her for two years, but I called her frequently. Then I saw her when I was seven. She brought her new boyfriend with her and his three kids...ah, she lives in Central America. That's why I didn't really see her. Okay, back to the story. So I saw her for about a week, and then she went back to C. A. with her boyfriend and his children. And then she moved to a different city and changed her phone number. I couldn't call her anymore. Didn't know if she was dead or anything. My parents (Dad and step-mom whom I've been referring to as Mom) gave me excuses, like she was so poor that she couldn't afford a phone or something along those lines...and then her boyfriend came to the U.S. three years ago. He was looking for me. He actually married her and was on a business trip her in the U.S. and it was convenient, so he looked up my dad. Apparently, they wanted me back in their lives. So, we exchanged two letters and spoke twice on the phone. And she got mad at me when I told her that I would not be speaking to her on the phone for about four months, just wait until the holidays. "I've got my Confirmation, graduation, and I have to prepare for high school. Talking on the phone is going to emotionally drain me. But, we can still write letters!" And she got mad at me. I wrote her a letter and I didn't receive a response. The holidays came around and my therapist (of course I had one!) asked me if I wanted to call her like I promised. I said no. I think that's about the only time I ever...defied my biological mother (not sure if that's the right word to choose). And I don't want to see her, I think. I don't want to be rejected again. It's sad, I don't even remember what she looks like but she has complete control over me. I'm not as outgoing as I used to be, I'm a people-pleaser and I'm deathly afraid of being alone. My fears probably made start to pick at myself. So, that is why i want to stop picking. I said that I wanted my control back, and it's not just to be able to control the urge to pick, it's also to be able to have control in my life. If I ever run into my biological mother again, I want to be able to say that I want her gone. I don't want to go right back to when I was five years old and worshiped the ground she walked on. I want to be happy. And it all starts with taking that first step to not picking! I'm so glad that I'm not in this alone, that I have all of your support. It's like I have another family here! February 3, 2010, is my DAY ONE. Much love to everyone and good luck. And no matter what happens, remember this: Don't be afraid to start over.

I'm in. Today at this time is day one for me. I've realized within the last year that this is a real compulsion and that I need to stop so I can really live and not seclude myself. I've had this problem since I was 14, and I am now 30. Any ideas and methods that I can find to help I am determined to try. Today is DAY ONE. LET'S BEAT THIS TOGETHER!!

Right. Hello there. I'm 23 and I have "this" for a few years now. Picking behind my ears and face. It's like a drug - you need a fix once in a while... Relieves anxiety and stuff... Tried to stop many times, but you just slip and go again and again from the beginning. Very frustrating, that you can't control your own actions isn't it? So I found this forum and thought - well what the hell, I'll post something. Maybe even try to join this "plan" of yours. 40 days you say? Well I just had my "fix" and going to hit the bed now (urge to pick comes mostly at night for me). I'll try to do my best.

Wow you are really amazing!! I absolutely adore your enthusiasm and yes - I would love to join you! This is going to be hard as hell though, but quitting an addiction is known to be. Is this authentic though? Not doing a habit for 40 days really means that the habit has gone away? Or at least the huge urges to do it will have gone away? I don't want to get too technical with this actually because then I'll end up being pessimistic about it and that puts me back at square one.... Either way, this sounds amazing and I will definitely try it. I would like today to be day one, but I have already picked today....should I start tomorrow then? lol kidding, the day is only half done, so today will be day one....must not pick for the rest of today...and hopefully soon I'll be able to use all this energy and focus that's usually used for picking and use it for something a bit more lucrative/efficient. ok..DAY ONE BEGINS!!

how is everyone doing with this? i am afraid to even try...

YEAH! the 17th will be day 1, which is good, since I have a dermatologist appt tomorrow. Hopefully my skin will heal a bit overnight. eek!

Well yesterday was supposed to be day 1 but I slipped up. Today is day one instead. It is 9:20pm and usually by night time I would have spent at least an hour by myself tearing my skin off until it looks like road rash and then it hurts and I complain to myself that I could have gotten so much done if I had not wasted time picking. But today, I did not do that. Today, I woke up and did not look at my hands - if I look at them I'll notice dry spots or somethings and I'll have to pick them away. In the bathroom I forbade myself to analyze the dry skin on my hands. Actually, just an hour ago, I found a very small piece of dry skin sticking up a bit from yesterday I guess since that's the last time I really went all out with it, and I removed it just like any other normal person. In half a second, I removed it and stopped immediately. Since I stopped myself so soon, I am still considering this day 1 instead of starting over tomorrow, but tomorrow I cannot look at my hands at all. After all, slipping up even a bit will hurt my chances because with this 40 day challenge, we're not just waiting for the skin to heal - this is to help the urges themselves subside!!!!!! So tomorrow is day 2 and I will not even look at my hands. Helpful hint: 1)use lotion every chance you get and 2) stay busy and focused on other things. I noticed that today it was almost as if a few more hours had been added to the day since I didn't spend those hours picking. That means I worked on homework more than usual - always a good thing! I hope this doesn't get annoying, but I am going to post EVERY DAY for the next 40 DAYS. If I don't, this will get too routine, I'll get bored and stressed over something and I will break this promise to myself to quite once and for all. I pray that all of you and myself will be successful in this mission and I would not mind reading yalls posts everyday, just to see how you're doing. It is nice to be able to tell on myself to someone if I mess up. If I feel like I must report back to a supportive community like this about my progress, I will feel more motivated to stick with it as close to the end as I can - because even if I have to start over again, I am determined to make to day 40 damn it!!! sorry for such a long post.....

Well I gotta say, the urges get harder to handle on the second day, especially if you're stressed. I made sure to hang out with people as much as I could today. and usually, when I feel like picking 'just a little bit' and thinking that 'that won't make a huge difference if I just pick a little bit' I always pick more than I initially intended to, but today, I controlled the urges by being in front of friends. Someone said they resorted to cleaning underneath their nails since that is a more positive habit, I started to try that when I realized that spending too much time looking at my nails will make me want to pick the dry skin around my cuticles (and honestly if I didn't pick then that dry skin would not be there, it would be normal). The first day, yesterday, was a rush because I was started something new - a new challenge to break this evil cycle. But today, the rush was not as strong and I really wanted to pick. Honestly, the reason why I started typing this post this very moment was because I needed to keep my hands busy until the urge to pick subsided a bit, and I knew that this forum was the perfect place to vent about this kind of thing...... anyway, good luck with the challenge everyone! And remember, if it starts getting harder at day 2, do not think that you are a failure!! This is your body going through picking withdrawls!! And as with any habit, the urges will peak before they go away - that is when you'll need the most will power, but after they peak, THE URGES WILL GET WEAKER! you just have to hang in there and do whatever you have to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Believe me this is easier said than done, but it is really the only way........... I will be honest, today was fucking hard - and for all I know tomorrow might be even harder, but after 40 days of not doing it, another 40 days of not doing it will be even easier. That is what I am striving for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

40 days? i doubt if i could make it 40 hours. i have all my sores covered in bandages for the night as i do every night to make it through the night. i somehow don't peel the bandages off to get at the sores that began as bumps and "needed to be gone". morning will come and in order to "face" the day the bandages will have to come off. if i see a "pearl" it will have to go. if makeup cakes on a dry flake it will have to go. makeup will be applied to cover the redness. a weeping sore will require a bandage and i will have to field the stares and questions. the makeup usually keeps my fingers from the disguised sores but not always. i will likely have to reapply makeup at some point. when my "public" day is over i will remove my makeup and will see how the sores are doing. i'll tend to them as i deem necessary before bandaging them up for the night. that is, "pearls" will be eradicated, margins will be tidied up. the night is too short and if i have an opportunity to have a "bandage day" i'll take it the next day and keep the bandages on until the next evening to allow for longer healing time. i'm taking bandage days more and more often but am always finding new bumps. they are not only appearing on my face but on my neck, on my scalp, neck, arms, butt, and legs here and there. so many medications. so many diet alterations. so many supplements. so many lifestyle changes. nothing seems to help. i'm thinking now could it be the water? sensitivity to fluoride? i mean what brings on the bumps? i know i have a compulsion to eradicate them. but i've managed to stop smoking (30 yrs ago now), and biting my nails, and fussing about split ends, and tearing my toe nails off too short, and the like, but the picking remains and has so for better than 20 years. before that, i lived in a community that did not fluoridate their water supply. i am going to buy purified water now to see if that helps. wish me luck. in the meantime, i will struggle with making it 7 hrs as i will be getting up and going out in the world about then.