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whizbiff_23 , 10 Dec 2009

My story, I've never told

I just stumbled onto this site when I decided to google skin picking last night. I have been picking and biting the skin on my fingers since I was about 7 years old but I always assumed it was a bad habit that i'd picked up and that i'd one day out grow, that's what my mom always said it was anyway. I am now 23 years old and it's not gotten any better, it's worse. After reading some of the stories online i've realized my problem is not a bad habit but a condition that i've been living with and didn't even know it. I actually cried when I saw it had a name, I guess out of relief that i'm not alone and also fear that i'm crazy. I never would have thought I had a form of ocd, but now looking back I can see the different things that point in that direction. When I was a kid I used to ask to peel my parents skin when they got a sun burn and it peeled, as well as peel my own. I always pick the dry peeling skin on my feet, I was actually late for school once as a kid when I missed the bus because I was picking at my feet! The finger skin picking is different though, it's not just the dry skin its all the skin, healthy skin. It actually started when I was a kid as nose picking (as most children do) and when mom told me I had to stop I started picking my skin instead. I have no clue why I chose to replace nose picking with skin really. I never ate my boogers or anything like that but I was obsessed with the feeling of rolling them around in my fingers so that's what I did with the skin I picked (ok thats gross and embarrasing to even type anonymously). But when I had a particularly difficult piece of skin I started to bite it off, which lead to eating it (even more embarrasing to admit). It started being beyond my control and I would eat any piece of skin that I decided was a "good" piece from my fingers. I chew the skin on my lips too, until they are red and chapped. I've never ventured to other body parts thank God, but my fingers are always sore, red, swollen, and bloody. I cant grow my nails out because I chip them up with my picking, which is a shame cause I have very naturally pretty nails when I let them grow. I have tried acrylics and they work for a while but I eventually either chip them trying to pick or just bite all the skin off, not to mention it's too expensive. I am sick of making excuses for my fingers when people ask me what happened. I am sick of not being able to run my fingers across some fabric because it catches and feels aweful. I am sick of being worried that my husband will figure me out (we've only been married since July but we've been together for 4 years). I'm sure he has noticed but I have never admitted my problem and I try to hide it. I don't even like holding his hand because i'm afraid he will notice how rough my fingers are. Only my mom knows about this problem and she doesn't understand it. I am so glad that I found other people that I can relate to. I guess it just feels good to tell my story, and I am hoping that someone can help me help myself!!
5 Answers
anon.
December 11, 2009
I don't think I can help you, but I can relate to you. For me, its not my hands its my ankles. I'm constantly scratching and picking them throughout the day while I sit. It looks like I have the measels from the knees down and has for a very long time. I chew my scabs too and its fucking disgusting, I know. I always do it when I'm alone but the scars are still extremely embarassing. Its awful to have to carry bandaids in my wallet for when I pick. I've just recently become aware of this site and the dissorder too. Its nice to know its a real dissorder but quite daunting too. I don't know what the root of my picking is and finding out seems impossible.
anon.
December 11, 2009
I don't think I can help you, but I can relate to you. For me, its not my hands its my ankles. I'm constantly scratching and picking them throughout the day while I sit. It looks like I have the measels from the knees down and has for a very long time. I chew my scabs too and its fucking disgusting, I know. I always do it when I'm alone but the scars are still extremely embarassing. Its awful to have to carry bandaids in my wallet for when I pick. I've just recently become aware of this site and the dissorder too. Its nice to know its a real dissorder but quite daunting too. I don't know what the root of my picking is and finding out seems impossible.
whizbiff_23
December 11, 2009

In reply to by anon.

I know I feel the same way I mean I am so embarrased because it's so gross but it's out of my control and I don't know why I started or how to stop. I had a very happy childhood, my parents are still together In fact no one in my family is divorced. I still have all of my family I haven't lost anyone close to me. There was no abuse no drugs, I haven't had many traumatic experiences, you know everyone has a story or two but nothing that I could pin point and say oh yeah that must be it. Is this disorder always caused by some underlying psychological problem and I just haven't figured it out or am I the odd ball? Or maybe I have some embalance of chemicals or hormones or something, I wish this was something more easily answered.
picky
December 11, 2009

In reply to by whizbiff_23

I don't think you have to be traumatized to be a compulsive skin picker. I was reading that all animals get a hormone release from grooming behavior, and I think skin pickers are addicted to it. People with prior trauma or high anxiety might be more likely to use it as a way to self-soothe, but I think anyone could develop the addiction. That's my take on it, anyway.
whizbiff_23
December 12, 2009

In reply to by picky

Yeah you know that makes some sense because before the guilt sets in I feel it is self soothing when I am stressed and stimulating when I'm bored. It's sad to think that my behavior is so animalistic. I had a really rough day today, I got some bad news and my fingers are the ones that suffer the most. I wish I would be addicted to a different kind of grooming ritual, like polishing my finger nails, what bad could come of that? Maybe that would at least keep my hands busy for a while.

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