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rosie , 18 Feb 2010

40 Day Challenge! Count me in!

Hi everyone! I've been on this site for a year or two now, but I always just read the forum and don't contribute much... but, it's time that I finally change. I'm a 23 yr old Canadian and I've been a picker since grade 4. I'm studying to be a psychologist and I therefore have a lot of good info in my head about behaviour change and anxiety, but I've had such problem using the knowledge I'm learning! I've also been to a counsellor for my picking/anxiety probs, but I still never fully implemented what I learned. But I've picked for so long! Mostly my face and chest, sometimes legs/scalp. But I feel everyone's pain, shame, and anxiety. And I LOVE you all!!! I have my own housecleaning business and I'm always in houses alone, and of course that means I'm stuck cleaning bathroom mirrors... and it often goes bad for me. Today I was having a really strong day, I wasn't even paying attention to my skin! And then at the very end of the day I got anxious and picked at my face WAY too long. All alone in someone else's house. Isn't that weird? It's so stupid that I don't even care where I am! Anyhow, today is the end of this for me. This is the one-millionth and one time I'm quitting. And I always tell myself that I've tried everything to quit... and then my mom said that I had tried everything EXCEPT trying really hard. That hit home for me. Also, my counsellor told me that all behaviour changes (cognitive behavioural therapy) involve the ABCs (affect/feelings, behaviour, cognitive/thinking). So how it works for us pickers is that you must FIRST change the behaviours. You might not think you want to, and it might not feel good or right at all. But change the behaviour completely. Then, within days to a few weeks, your thinking (cognition) will change on it's own. You won't think about skin like a crazy person anymore! And then finally your feelings will change, and you'll feel all better about yourself and your new life. He estimated for me that the whole process until your feelings finally change is about 3 months or so after changing a bad behaviour. I hope this helps you all maybe. I'm also going to write some messages of motivation and encouragement on my bathroom mirrors and shower in candlelight. I hate having to wear makeup! I can't wait until tomorrow to start my new life! Good luck to everyone tonight! Please let me know how your 40 day challenge is going!!!
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jo7124
April 28, 2010
Hi Rosie, I was just checking on the internet as I often do about skin picking,BDD etc..(after a bad picking session) I have been skin picking since I was a teen,Im now 38,its driving me mad!I remember some years ago my Doctor sent me to talk with someone, but she wrote on her notes nothing wrong with me,which left me frustrated.Some years later my beautician said to me I think you have BDD ,so I read the book broken mirror,its only since then that I have realised I have a problem.For years I was a housekeeper and I too would be in homes alone,often finding myself picking at my skin.At present Im living in a foreign country,not working,so I spend alot of time home alone,constantly at the mirror,even watching tv I pick at my arms and scalp.I have had many people tell me over the years that I have lovely skin,of course I disagree but I think people say that because I try soooo hard to make my skin glow.I look at my nana,mum and sister and we all have very grey congested skin,so over the years I have tried to look after my skin,yet I still carry on damaging it by skin pciking,sometimes I feel its the only way I can feel it is clean. While I have been here abroad not working I have had time to change alot of things,I eat alot better now,not that I ate badly before but the open markets here are wonderful.I exercise,stopped smoking ,hardly drink anymore and try and stay calm(now my teenage son is not living with us :O)).So after reading your post,I got to thinking .....if I can change my thoughts about smoking,eating,relaxing,then I can change my thoughts/behaviour on this....I need to try harder!!!Im glad I have fallen across this website too! Hope its going well for you and everyone else who is trying to work on changing things! Jo
tia
April 28, 2010
Ohhh im so glad you found the site also Jo! You can do this and you now have all of our support to do so! I think just admitting it to people is a great first step. It certainly was for me. Because in the process your admitting it to yourself and you realise what your doing and how unhealthy it really is. Well I STILL havent picked at my back which is the longest time i havent in years. And only had one or two slip ups yesterday on my face. But today is my new day one and my face is already looking soooo much better. I think the bandages on when im at home (im a stay at home mum so i can do it a bit) are helping heal them alot faster. I also find that when my fingers wander subconciously, i am now enjoying the smooth feeling the bandage is giving. Yeah my face is still all bumpy underneath but its like my fingers are satisfied and give up. =) My back is still itchy. I think im a little alergic to the bandages. Lol i have had a mild reaction from bandages since i was young. The face ones are fine, but the back ones are a bit itchy. But not to worry, i still havent picked and im super excited to see how they have healed up when i take them off tomorrow. (i have a girls night out on the town and cant wear them then lol). Not sure i can go uncovered :( but ill find something to wear.
jo7124
April 29, 2010
Hi Tia, Well after my pick yesterday and finding this website,I did myself a honey and aspirin mask last night and went to bed telling myself to be kinder to my skin today.Today my first day has been really weird,I havent picked but I have found myself saying ''your looking again'' and ''dont touch'' haha.Ive just been working out,which is my sanity for lots of things and as I laid there gasping for breath,I saw afew bumps on my arms(which are itchy too) and neally went for them but stopped myself!lol!! Even tonight ,while Im watching tv with my partner,I will have to really think about not letting my hands wander to my back or arms!Sure Ill just keep telling myself ..Im on the 40 day challenge dont you dare!!lol I lost alot of confidence in medical people over in the uk,I even remember going to see a dermatologist regarding two problems,I actually had three people in the room ,the dermatologist,nurse and student.I actually said I think I have BDD and that I have picked at my skin since I was a teen,I wasn't taken serioulsy at all and again with the counsellor I saw,I just thought Im on my own here no-one takes me seriously!My brother once said,while we were having a meal out with family,that I must stop picking at things that arent there,I dont remember how the conversation got on to that topic,but I felt very hurt because he hadnt said it in a sensitive way.I felt it was like saying to someone with an eating disorder,you need afew pies down your neck,or someone with depression ,telling them to get a grip of themselves!So finding this website is just amazing,I finally dont feel alone anymore with this ,theres people out there that understand eachother!! Enjoy your night out with the girls and good luck!x Jo
allforyou
April 30, 2010
KEEP ON KEEPIN ON EVERYONE!! Said a lil prayer for everyone in this forum this morning .... we got this!!! Shine on ...
timeforchange
April 30, 2010
I picked. Fifth day in this stupid challenge and I failed already. I just feel like I can’t commit myself to this. I got locked out of my first period class, calculus, because I was late because of my mother. Calculus is the only reason I ever go to school so I just didn’t go to school all day. I went to see my boyfriend all day instead. I was so angry with my mother that I was missing class but I couldn’t express my anger to my boyfriend because he was in a bad mood and I knew that would only distress him further. I found out from my boyfriend that my mother decided to sign me out instead of letting me get truant and get detention. I asked her why she signed me out when she came home today and she said because she didn’t want me to get in trouble and she saw my mirror. Since I do most of my picking in my mirror I covered the entire thing with paper and wrote things that I should be proud of on it and wrote everyday that I went without picking. I was so mad at her for going in my room (which was locked) and invading my privacy, but I didn’t bother telling her this because I knew she wouldn’t understand. This mirror was supposed to be secret. I didn’t want anyone to read it until I finished this challenge. Now I can’t write certain things on it because I’m going to have to worry that she’ll read it. It was supposed to be like a diary just for my viewing.
cherrycolalola
May 01, 2010
Im sorry you slipped up timeforchange. I often slip when stressful things like that happen, especially if they involve family members. My mother often triggers a lot of anxiety and can set me off picking. I think your idea for the mirror is great btw. Dont give up or get down on yourself. Ive found that if I can acknowledge I messed up, look at why, and move on quickly (the key word being quuuickkly) the better things are. If I get too depressed and angry at myself, rather than recognizing Im just struggling with addiction, I pick more. I dont know if its the same for you, but I thought Id share what I've learned. Im also starting again. Ive been picking much less, but havent completely stopped (which I really want to do). Ive come to recognize though that wanting to stop desperately wont necessarily stop me. This thing has to run its course. Not to say Im not actively trying HARD to beat it, Im just starting to realize that its going to take however long it takes and when the urge finally lifts isnt something I can determine. Anyway tomorrow will be day 1 again. Im actually looking forward to it. Often starting over I feel depressed and think to myself "whats the point Ive already messed up so many times". But I cant let depression/fear/negativity keep me from trying. Good luck to you
wildflower
May 01, 2010
i hope with all my heart that it isn't true, that is, that you think it has to run its course. any of you. if that's true, if i were you, i'd be very afraid. you just might be me a couple decades down the road from the age you are now before you're finally able to stop picking. maybe! i desperately hope that's not the case. yes, this cpd, dermatillomania, what ever you wish to call it, has a nasty grip. so does nicotine, so does alcohol. it's not easy, but i believe they're in the same category as being something that can be overcome. it might take the help of a medical team, it might take the help of medications, it might take the use of many tools and tactics, it might take the assistance of a support system, but ultimately, and not without determination and commitment and a plan, i believe it can be overcome. i hope with all the information and knowledge and it coming out of the closet, that this is the time for all of you that are suffering with this, that this is the time for you to do what is necessary to conquer this once and for all. right up until the day before i quit picking just over 9 weeks ago, i was a die hard, hard nosed, self righteous, indignant, delusional skin picker in denial about my responsibility and my part in my self harming practices. i could type out horrid tales of picking episodes too along with any one of you, and i did it longer than many of you have been alive. and yet i woke up and smelled the coffee and got serious. i've had my setbacks, i'm not perfect, but i've not allowed myself to slip into a pickfest and will continue to not let myself do that. one day at a time. one hour at a time if necessary. and if i can do it, so can you. believe it. believe in yourself. but i suppose, you have to want to. the alcoholic that truly doesn't want to quit drinking will continue to fail. the person who doesn't want to quit smoking will continue. the want has to be there. you have to want to quit picking. want healthy skin, want it deeply and sincerely. no, i don't believe that it was coincidental that i happened upon the moment my picking ran its course. the urges are still there. lessening now, thank goodness, but they're still there from time to time. i just won't let "it" win. "i" am in control now. not "it". and you can be too. and i sincerely hope so. i believe it, now that i've made it this far with the few "minor" setbacks i had. i consider my success now really as 66 days less 3 days that i picked at myself - one spot each time only. that's 9 weeks and 3 days less 3 days !! that's huge, and if you get real serious about it you can have that success too. stress and anxiety are in everyone's lives and not everyone is taking it out on their skin. research healthy ways to deal with stress. yes, some smoke, some drink, some do drugs, and some pick, but you don't have to be any one of those. you can choose something else. you are all intelligent people and are at the height of your intellectual capabilities. put overcoming this on your roster and making your life healthier and more loving to yourselves. you deserve it and simply do not deserve the self harm you are doing. neither your doctor, therapist, nor psychiatrist nor medication can do this for you if you don't want this for yourselves. want it. want it more than the perceived, warped, sick pleasure you've ever gotten from it. want your health. want to care about yourself. want it bad. ....... end of lecture .... stepping down off my soap box ......................................................
cherrycolalola
May 01, 2010
Like I said it doesnt mean Im not actively trying, and I havent given up hope. Im talking about looking at it from a spiritual perspective. Its going to take a lot for me to completely stop. Yes, there are many things I can do to help myself, Im not saying Im letting it continue to wreck my life, but theres also going to have to be something bigger than me, some shift, for me to be fully done with it. Call it god, or karma, or whatever, just something. I also believe that its in my life to teach me something, what that is Im not completely sure of yet. Granted, some things just suck, and aspects of this addiction certainly do, but I think I can come away from this having learned a lot about life/myself in the process.
starfish
May 01, 2010
Wildflower...I am so proud of you!! How are you doing it? I have gone 24 hours and I am so proud of myself. You still have urges? Ughhh...what do you do? What about when you look in the mirror? I need advice. How are you doing it? I am so afraid that I will never overcome this but I am such an independent, strong, and educated woman. Why can't I get over this??? I am so proud of you. I cannot wait to be where you are. I can't wait till I have been 1 year in.
allforyou
May 02, 2010
" i hope with all my heart that it isn't true, that is, that you think it has to run its course. any of you. if that's true, if i were you, i'd be very afraid." OH WILDFLOWER ... I know I have said this many times before but ....... you are really such an angel to me ....................... a true blessing ................. I ... and many others I am sure. .... are so thankful for you. I am so glad to have met you via this forum and to know the wisdom and strength you have!!!!! And so thankful that you pointed out the problem with that thinking picking needs to "run its course" ..... i totally understand where cherrycolalola* :) is coming from ..... but personally, I am glad you called attention to the danger of that thinking ............ i think pickers tend to think somehow someway *WE DESERVE THIS* .... or at least I PERSONALLY have fallen into that thinking ........... that picking is keeping me SAFE* from doing other harmful things .... or getting into trouble ......................... by picking I have sometimes believed it has saved me from other thigns ... and this is GOD's* WAY of teaching me something ........... and that eventhough picking is bad and unhealthy ...... God wants to use it in the end for me to trust Him more ......and until I actually learn to fully trust Him and learn to obey Him ................ I will be stuck with picking forever .................. welll as I am sure you can see ..........that thinking ........... is pretty warped ...... most likely ................. I just wanted to say .... THANK YOU WILDFLOWER!!!!!! You go girl!
starfish
May 01, 2010
Hi everyone. I am new to this. Today was the day I decided to change my life...for good this time. I am almost 25 and I have been doing this since I was in the 8th grade. I always knew I had bad anxiety. I actually talked to my doctor about a year ago about my anxiety and was put on Celexia which is an anti-anxiety perscription. I never did tell him about my obsessive picking problem. I never knew there was a name for it, or that other people had it! I have always felt so out of control with my friends and family always shouting at me "quit picking!" I thought it was maybe a little bit of OCD. I have tried to stop picking so many times...I have gone maybe a week or so without picking, but it is SO HARD!!! I do a very good job at covering up...some people even tell me I have great skin??? When I hear that I just think "well, you dont want to see me without makeup!" I realized it was a problem when I would lie about being in the bathroom. I would say I was "tweezing" or "going number 2" lol. But my boyfriend who lives with me knows better. He even tries to catch me. There are times I do it for over an hour. Why today? Well....I had a client tell me that this "habit" is not a habit! She said it was a disorder and it is self-mutilation. I was like WHAAAT. I said "I'm not a cutter" in a joking way. She said "this is serious" it isn't healthy. Hearing someone I don't know very well saying that to me was a rude awakening. Also, my boyfriend has been smoking for a few years now and He finally decided to quit! He has gone a week now, which has been the longest he has ever gone without smoking and he is having severe withdraws. I feel awful picking at my face while he is struggling so much. So, when I got home from work today I decided to do some research. I found this site and decided to take some action. Any advice? This is going to be so hard!!! Any advice?
allforyou
May 02, 2010
Cherrycolalola, I totally know what you mean when you say that .... "This thing has to run its course" ................................ I have fallen into that thinking ......................... where I think by going through this ........... is going to teach me something in the end .................. and that God / Karma / etc. whatever you call it ...................... wants me to learn something bigger from picking ................. and until I learn what I am supposed to .................. or get to where I need to be in order to be free of picking and whatever else ......... it will just have to "run its course" ..............but I am questioning that logic very seriously. I am so so so so thankful that you said that ................. but in terms of what Wildflower :) had to say......................... I think she sees a very big problem with that thinking ..................... which I am now realizing a problem with it as well ........................................................... I think Wildflower makes a great point when she says we have to really *WANT* this more than the warped pleasure we get from picking. And as Rosie has said .... those "ABC's" ... are a really big part of overcoming this ............. BEHAVIOR ... will change our COGNITION.
alex56
May 02, 2010
I've been trying really hard on trying not to pick but i just keep giving up. I have been having so many problems with my boyfriend, and very stressed from school. I do have nice skin, with the exception of scars. But a couple months ago i developed these tiny bumps all across my forehead. The dermatologist told me what it was. I forget what he said now, but it was something describing black heads that aren't exactly formed yet? their very deep in my skin. they just look like little bumps under my skin, not red or anything. but they will occasionally itch and become inflamed black heads which really temps me to pick at them. I lose my confidence so easily. not just with picking, but with everything. i don't know how to help myself anymore. Please help, i don't know how to get through this. i have scabs all over my face again.
starfish
May 04, 2010
Alex...I know how hard it is. I am almost 25 and I have been dealing with this since the 8th grade. Someone told me on Saturday that what I am doing is "self mutilation." That is what brought me here. I searched for skin picking and realized it was a disorder and I was so ashamed BUT it also was a wake up call. I am like you and I sometimes have very pretty skin. I do have a few scars but they are easily hidden with make up. Most people even say I have pretty skin? Well, ever since I came accrossed this website I haven't picked. I do have some tips. Put a sticky note on every mirror in your house that says "short term pleasure but long term pain" also..try not to look in the mirror every time you go to the bathroom and as little as possible. Don't touch your face if you do not have to. I keep repeating to myself "self mutilation" and "short term pleasure/long term pain." I know that I HAVE to do this now. I have gone so long with this and I am embarassed. I don't ever want to go swimming because I am so embarassed for people to see my skin without make up. I don't know how you are, but I really only pick at my face and sometimes my back. I also get those little bumps...just don't touch your face!!! We can do this together. How old are you?
alex56
May 05, 2010
Thank you so much for the tips. i tried covering up my mirrors for awhile but my moms bathroom always temps me to pick. She always tells me to keep my hands off my face because i seem to always be touching it, and i will try harder not to. I am 16, and school is really stressing me out, but i am hoping since it is ending soon maybe i wont pick during the summer, although i did last summer. i pick my scalp badly. ive been picking it for about 8 years now. then just the past two years i have started on my face, chest, legs and back. probably my face and chest would be the worst. and it is hard also to wear shirt because i need to make sure they rise like all the way up to my neck so no one can see. it is so frustrating. today is my first day of not picking. i didnt even pick my head, which is amazing. i am so tempted to pick the scabs off my face but then i keep telling myself itll just make another scab. ive been trying not to study my body so much also. i start picking at my chest just about every time either before or after a shower. im going to try harder this time, and hopefully i am able to go 40 days. i am ruining my skin. i truly have such nice skin. i was recently looking at pictures of myself from about 3 years ago and my face was soo clear. it makes me so mad. now i have these deep scars that i probably cant get rid of. thank you so much for giving me advice and talking. it encourages me to try harder.
starfish
May 05, 2010
Alex...I am with you! I promise you. I am struggling so bad. But we need to quit together. We have to seriously say we are done for good. No more excuses. I even told my bf if I have a white head he has to get it bc I am not going to pick my face. I hate going to social events sometimes. I also have to put make up on my chest bc I pick at that too. But I just got this new scar cream and I put it on my chest tonight. After I showered tonight I wasnted to pick so bad but I didnt. I got in bed and left it alone. Tomorrow will be day 4. Come on...Let's see if we can just go 1 month!!! ok? Let's not even do 40 days...let's so small goals and reward ourselves if we do it. My mom told me awhile ago that if I quit picking she would pay me. Don't even look in the mirror. I work a ton AND went back to college so I am beyond stessed. Thinnk about this....if you quit picking you will look so good for summer...shorts...swim suit...I know that if we can go atleast 28 days it will get easier. It takes 28 days to form a habit. I keep trying to do somethig different every time I pick. We can do it!!!
wildflower
May 06, 2010
i can appreciate all the stress you have in your life. it's wonderful that you are intent on getting your skin back to health. understand, though, that picking is picking. even if someone else does it for you. and even if you do it to someone else. you mentioned your bf is quitting smoking. having him pick your whiteheads for you is akin to you holding his cigarette for him so he can smoke it. his lungs still receive the damaging smoke. even if he picks your whiteheads, your skin still sustains the damage even if not as severe as you would do. whiteheads will go away on their own, i have experienced that. no one notices them but you. so, i think you should rethink your logic.

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