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scp , 16 Mar 2010

itching?? hypnotise???

Hi im new here... Im 27yrs old and have been pickung since I was a little girl. My mom used to cover for me and tell people it was mosiquito bites ( i started with my legs) and over the past 6yrs... ive gone to my forehead, back, arms and tush..... its disgusting. Im a decent looking girl and my skin makes me feel hideous!!! I recently got married, and anytime my husband says " why dont you go to a doctor" or " stop that" "or "what are u doing to yourself" i get sooooo offended and tend to flip out on him, because I dont know why I do it!!! In the car is def my biggest picking place. Of course im in sales and drive for a living so i limit my picking to under my black clothes ( as to not let blood be shown) and then on my way home to my face and any other exposed part of my body. I have such a system and am so sneaky its unbelievable!!! To the point that we have brown sheets on our bed, so when im lying down watching tv in bed and pick he doesnt see or know, My other times are before I get in the shower, on the toilet, and under extreme stress. When im really stressed out i'll pick in front of anyone and not care. I currently take prescription meds for anxiety but doesn help my picking. it has taken control over me!!! Im at the point where I want to be freed from this hell, but now when i try and control myself my bumps start to itch!!! As though my mind is sending a trigger to them to itch so i will pick at them and not neglect them!!! I feel like i have no control!!! They physically hurt me..... when i sit.... or lay or get out the shower!!1 Why would someone do something like this to themsleves??? I recently started using witch hazel morning and night to heal what i did to myself as well as over the counter cortizone.... i feel like once they are gone ill stop.., but truth is i just look for new ones!!! This is my first time truely speaking about my condition ever.... and its reassuring im not alone and by disappointing that there is not much science to back it up etc.... Im considered getting hypnotised..... anyone ever try that?? I want to be free!

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wildflower

March 16, 2010

i could have written your post word for word. believe me. and that is how i lived until 3 weeks ago. don't wait as long as i have to get this under control. just know you can !! read all the posts here through. every single one of them to understand that you are not alone and that this compulsive behaviour is insideous. absorb all the information and realize that, bottom line, it is up to you, not doctors, maybe a hypnotist (i got to the point to consider that myself too), but ultimately, it is up to you to change your behaviour in ways you've never tried up to now along with the good ones you have tried in the past but never stuck to. it is a matter of choosing and sticking to a course of action but you are the key. i've written posts on basic guidelines here and it's common sense that must be applied to our lives. and love. love of ourselves. acceptance of our responsibilities for ourselves. we must take control of ourselves and not believe it is up to someone else. i wouldn't believe this previously. i refused to believe this. i was angry at doctors and dermatologists and psychiatrists all my life. I have finally come to the conclusion though, that is only me that can change what i do. yes, my past life sucked miserably and i can choose to blame it if i want but i can't change the past. i can only operate in the present and the only sensible thing to do is to do right, not wrong, to myself. if i do right, i will reap the benefits. if i do wrong, i will continue to suffer. the right thing is, first and foremost, DO NO HARM. from there, do the right things. LEARN about your problems and issues to understand them. RESEARCH how to live healthy re foods, vitamins, skin care, exercise, sleep, support systems, etc. get therapy if you really need it, but realize that ultimately it will take a concerted committed educated effort by yourself to make this work. a good support system helps for sure, but it is you that must do the work. no one else can.

scp

March 16, 2010

you are 100% RIGHT!!!! its going to to take self determintaion and self control. Its funny because i coach my clients all the time and tell them "its takes 21 days to form a habit whether it be good or bad...." so i tell them these things for there business.... it be nice if i took my own advice. Ive reached a point where I realized "my picking" isnt just an "obsession" its a part of my self worth. and in order to stop i need self fulfillment... i bought the book "the Happiness Project" its amazing so far...def helping... I just left my doctors and told her I joined this forum and for the FIRST time was honest and open with my doctor and showed her what i do..... she too agreed that no medicine will help just mental strength.... of course being my doctor she does know of alot of bad things that have happened to me and my family causing complete and utter stress in our lives... so she did say my anxiety is supporting my picking habit even more. So im officially on a set road to stoping this insanity!!! and today is my first day....my first step to finally stop lying to myself and the world and realize and recognize my problem and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!! I started here...and am now willing to face all the people that i get mad at and tell them i have a problem.... and to help me... and support me.... and to use no negative words.... rather then "stop doing that" with the nasty look on their face....look of disgust... i need positive re-eforcement and to hear "lets do something" i dont care what it is.... they see me picking ..... they need to help.... distract me.... play patty cakes for all i care.... if im picking....im thinking.,,... or if im not thinking and picking and im bored..... i need help filling all these categories and lose a bad habit and pick up a new one! lets see if my "21days to form a new habit works!!" thank you for your reply...... you truely TRUELY helped..... its amazing how just a boost and support (even from a complete stranger) can do wonders!!! WHY DIDNT I BE HONEST WITH MYSELF YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh well better late then never!!!!!!!!!!!!

wildflower

March 16, 2010

i'm so happy for you !! you sound excited and determined. that's wonderful. yes, better late than never. and yes, this forum that allows us to share our experiences and wisdom and support is a great place. it is what inspired me to make the commitment that i've been trying to do for so long. knowing others struggle with this same affliction has helped immensely. so has finding all the information about the disorder. and this being a disorder, it is treatable. but the onus is and always will be, on the individual with the disorder. that is the case with other personal issues such as addiction and the like. no one else but the addict can make the addict stop t heir behaviours. there are support groups, but the individual must take it upon them self to seek them out and commit to them and the decision to stop whatever the problem is. by owning up to that responsibility, by committing, by persevering, and by accepting help from others, and even by helping others out, problems and issues can be beat. mind you, you can't depend totally on others. we cannot control them, only ourselves. the most important aspect is self resolve to make change and to choose the RIGHT changes. all the best. i know it is possible. i know how good it feels. keep us all informed on your progress. we can all be inspiration to each other. :)

loulou

March 18, 2010

Thanks to you all for your words of wisdom. Truly helpful. I am interested in the book mentioned, "The Happiness Project." I found two different ones on Amazon with the same title. One by Ron Leifer and the other by Gretchen Rubin. Which one are you referring to? Thanks again.

scp

March 18, 2010

The book is by Gretchen Rubin... very inspirational for me. I talked to my doctor Tues... she mentioned therapy (yrs ago i was in and out of "medical "therapy) reminding her of that and thst they all say the same thing.... and i know what they are all to say word for word is a waste of my time, she agreed. i told her i know whay has to be done its a matter of finding the will and motivation to do it!!! we both agreed i need motivational support as opposed to the pyscho "well lets look back 20yrs ago.." This book is just one way to get inspiration and motivation. Since i first came to this forum on Tues. my habit has decreased immensely!!!!!!!!! i control myself better and have take alot do of what wildflower has done and its helping and working!! soon enough ill be pick free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

demberly

March 23, 2010

What you wrote is exactly what I am going through. I just said to my husband yesterday "I wonder if being hypnotised would help?" I often wonder why they itch, and on top of all this I get hives. I've asked my alergest if its possible to be alergic to myself, he said he didn't think so. Part of my problem is I like picking (popping) my bumps. I have to restrain from trying to pick bumps I see on my children. We have a condition called Keratosis Palaris. This is when pors or hair folicals clog and cause pimples. Like you said they itch. I could point one out on my back and not even know it was there. Has anything helped you yet? I've tried not picking and reminding myself not to but once I start I get carried away. My husband says I look like a Cheata. In the summer I'm embarest of my arms. In my car I pick alot, at stop lights etc... I just do it without thinking. I need to stop because I'm destroying my body and it consumes me.

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