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bm , 31 Mar 2010

Revelation

I don't know if this will help anyone else, but on the off-chance, I'll share a story with you. I'm an au pair for two little boys in France. The oldest today was asking me about my 'spots' (which is my excuse for my picking sores - kids are observant!). I blame my 'spots' on a lactose intolerance, and was saying that I often get them because I am too polite to turn down food or drink served to me by friends, despite the fact that I know it will make me feel ill and give me a skin break-out. And he turned around and said "but why? You should try to look after yourself a bit!" (but in French, of course!). And he made such a good point. He is only 7, yet so much of my behaviour is, and has always been, self-destructive, that I never even questioned it. In 7 years I have had 12 significant relationships, and another 6 or 7 one-night-stands, despite the fact that I knew they would end up in tears. It never occured to met that I could have a healthy, happy and balanced relationship until I met my current boyfriend. I have been a smoker, a heavy drinker, I didn't work to get the grades I knew I could, I always settled rather than trying to do well for myself. And that's all in the space of less than 23 years! And my picking is a part of that. So after ruminating this one, I found my fingers searching (I was taking my make up off in from of the mirror at the time), and it stopped me : I can do better!
19 Answers
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wildflower
March 31, 2010
yes you can!! and it feels good, too. :) i hope you ride the wave of the good support you're receiving from your boyfriend and that you heed the wisdom "out of the mouths of babes", and feel empowered with each hour, each day, that you are kind, loving and respectful to your skin. You will reap the benefits. <3 <3 <3
bm
March 31, 2010
Thanks wildflower! I'm only through the first 2 days, but the majority of my sores had been left alone for a couple of days before that, and my skin is already evening out (the sores were worse than they have been, but not horrific), so at least my make up is going on flat at last! And congrats on your 36th day... I had a whiskey and coke for you this evening =o) I'll be thinking of you as Sunday comes and goes, keep us updated!
wildflower
March 31, 2010
thank you! and you're welcome! "only"? when you are starting out, 2 days is a big thing! congrats with each one!! it's great that you're experiencing your skin doing better. skin can be very forgiving. it's great that it is taking the makeup nicely. power and strength to you each and every day! many thanks for thinking of me :) i'll tilt my glass of wine to you this evening :)
bm
April 01, 2010
I did once manage about 18 days - that is why I am 'only' at 3 days now! The 18 days was to have nice skin for Christmas, then a day or two before, I started again, felt bad, and it got worse and worse! More horrid family photos! But you are right, I am doing brilliantly, so I bought myself some hair dye. Silly, but It makes me happy! Incidentally, you seem to be the resident expert on skin healing... Do you know if it is better for me to leave a 'crusty' (for want of a nicer word!) picked sore with a little acne pus at the root of it completely alone, or will it heal quicker if I lance, drain and irrigate? It's annoying the hell out of me, but I want to give it the best possible chance to heal! (my 9 obvious sores are down to 6 now! Woooot!!!)
40daysfromnow
April 01, 2010
I know I'm not Wildflower... but I will give my opinion. I have found that picked spots heal fastest if you don't do anything. I'd leave the pus in there. Your body can handle it. I put a bandage with polysporin over it at night. This softens the scab, reduces redness and swelling, and is great for healing it. Wildflower skips the polysporin and still has good results. If you empty acne or non acne spots, you can be left with enlarged pores. It is better for your pores to heal if they do it all on their own. If you keep it moist it won't itch much either. Also, I bought hair-dye too when I started my last 40 days! hehe. I'm on my 4th day now by the way.
40daysfromnow
April 01, 2010
Well, my first one got me to 12 days and then I had a breakdown. Then I restarted and got to around 10 days. And now here I am again at 4 days. My breakdowns were when life stress just got too much. My skin was looking so good. Perhaps that made me think that I could afford to pick a little bit too. Once I started allowing myself to pick ONE spot, it just escalated and next thing I knew, my face was back to its injured state. But it is nice knowing that I CAN get to day 12 at least. I have started dieting at the same time. I'm hoping that a general sense of control from eating well might transfer over to give me a sense of control over my picking. My last 40 days broke down also because I stopped using tips and tricks. I felt that after 12 days that I must be over the habit, so I allowed myself to turn on the bathroom lights, and I started drinking coffee again, and allowed myself to touch my skin etc etc. Bad idea.
LauritaBT
April 01, 2010
Does coffee make it worse? How so? I can very much relate to everything that was said. The worst part are the scars that are left. I keep telling myself I will stop but it's so hard to completely stop.
wildflower
April 01, 2010
definitely - coffee increases stress and anxiety levels decreasing the ability to fight compulsions. vitamin e is one thing that is said to help with scars. bandaging is what i believe prevents them. and welcome !! keep reading, there's lots that hopefully will help you eventually to stop. it is possible. i am on DAY 37 !!
LauritaBT
April 01, 2010
Thank you, wildflower! I will eliminate coffee then. My picking problem has basically ruined the best relationship I've ever had. He's tried for 8 months to help me stop... and I do good for a little bit and then when I get a zit, it's a picking frenzie and it's over. He is hanging in here with me, but he associates my picking with me not loving him enough because he's asked me to stop. I've TRIED SO HARD but I still give in. He doesn't care about zits, but he cares about me cutting up my face. I think if I can't get over this, I might lose him.
wildflower
April 01, 2010
he sounds caring but doesn't quite realize the depth and breadth of this insidious disorder. there is an online publication about it that is very informative. might he be willing to learn more about what you are dealing with? of course there is the information in all the menus of this site!! but perhaps you want to keep this site private for you to post in. the other site is http://www.stoppickingonme.com/index.php which also is a wealth of information and has a discussion board that is very in depth. i had my hubby read it and he found it very informative. long story short, though, you need people in your life that love you for you regardless of your imperfections and we all have 'em.
wildflower
April 01, 2010
rewards aren't "silly" at all! that was a positive reward and positiveness is always good. as for sores, i've always deplored crustiness. exposure to the elements causes sores to crust or get hard scabs. i read somewhere that hard scabs aren't good scabs. i read also that wounds need moisture to heal properly. i never had success with merely applying ointments or moisturizers to aid in the healing. my sores healed best under bandages. i'd keep bandages on them as long as possible until it became a dry pink healed skin. i found that scarring was lessened with that. where is that particular sore? can you clean it up and apply a bandage that can be left for a week with a quick change of bandages about half way? if it is on your face i'd clean it up and bandage it for as many hours in a day as possible. if my skin was really bad i'd call a bandage day and stay in and bandaged up for a night, a day, and another night to provide that climate for healing to take place. that always worked really well but i would invariably pick something else and keep the cycle going. finally, i got serious. and i mean serious. i changed my ways, i changed my habits, i set out on a plan and committed to it. my regimen is more healthy now and i simply refuse to pick and that's working. oops, i got on my soap box. sorry. i hope i somehow answered your question, though.
bm
April 01, 2010
Thanks, wildflower, you did answer my question, no need to apologise for getting on your soap box - we are all here for the same reason!!! Unfortunately for me, I can't stand bandages, like, for me, they are the number one temptation to pick, I am capable of ripping them right off even in my sleep, they make me go absolutely mad. Plus the sore is on my chin, and I have no time off or alone for even half a day coming up before July! It isn't too bad though, I will hydrate it with some warm (mild) salt water, that helped me a lot when I had an aggressive impetigo infection. For me, the cream I use is really the best way of sealing in moisture and keeping those scabs soft. And to be honest, the sore isn't °that° bad, I just sort of needed to hear it from someone else that I have no excuse to mess with it! Thanks again and congrats on your 37th day!!!
wildflower
April 01, 2010
you're welcome. at first i hated bandages too until i searched and search for ones that i could hardly tell were on me and that didn't have latex in them. i found round, thin, smooth ones with a large wound pad and i couldn't live without them. i was a mess. at times i had up to 60 or so on me at one time. it was a learning curve to figure out how best to utilize them for sure. i'm glad your sore isn't too bad, but sorry to hear it's on your chin. those are hard to coax to heal softly. i hope you are successful with your method. <3 <3 <3
bm
April 01, 2010
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one, I feel a bit silly about freaking out at the idea of bandages, especially on my face (which is stupid, I know!). I will even avoid using them on blisters on my feet. I will use them to threaten myself into keeping my 40 day plan - if I don't stick to it, out they come! Hopefully it won't come to that =o) I reckon my 6 obvious sores (that is, ones I can't completely cover with make-up) will be down to 5 by tomorrow! Plus, I will be with my boyfriend the next couple of nights, which helps me to keep it under control. Woooop! I also used that hair dye this afternoon and put on a pretty dress (pretty useless when I'm in charge of 2 little boys, but hey!), and I am feeling sooooo good! And it is a lot thanks to you guys, especially you, wildflower - you have really helped me keep a problem - that I was finding, frankly, distressing - in perspective!
wildflower
April 01, 2010
it is great to hear you are feeling uplifted ! a pretty dress and a fresh hair colouring to boot! way to go. keep up the good work reducing the number of sores.
bm
April 02, 2010
I felt so uplifted, I told my boyfriend last night. That I had been getting upset because I couldn't leave my skin alone and that it was making it worse, and that I'd researched it and found that it is a condition, and that it relates to a lot of my (past) self-destructive behaviours, and he said that I was looking really good, and that he was proud of me. I'm still determined to do this independently of him, since he supports me so much the rest of the time, but it is nice to know he is now aware of it and ready to step in if need be. =o)

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