Online Test

Find out the severity of your symptoms with this free online test

Take the test
rampage23 , 27 May 2008

Enough is ENOUGH.

I am relieved that this thing I’ve been battling my whole life has a name. I’m scared at the same time though because it makes it that much more real, and now that I’ve acknowledged it, I have to start dealing and taking real steps toward healing myself. I’ve been picking ever since I can remember. I just can’t stop. As a young child, it started with constantly picking on mosquito bites or scabs from when I’d hurt myself or my cuticles. When I got a little older, I’d do that plus pick on ingrown hairs all over my arms and legs. Then as a teenager, it’d be all those things plus picking on my acne on my arms, chest, and face. It’s been like that ever since. Picking on my acne is definitely my biggest problem. If I’m not picking, I’m constantly thinking about picking, especially if I know that there’s a pimple on my face waiting to be popped. My skin is all rough and scarred up because of it. I will have scars for the rest of my life. I can spend HOURS in front of the mirror picking away at my skin. When I’m at it, I just can’t stop. I know that it’s going to make it worse, I know that it’s going to leave a scab and most likely a scar, and I know that I’ll hate myself afterwards. I just keep going at it until it either gets all bloodied up or puss comes out. Then it’ll form a scab, then I’ll pick the scab, and it’ll form another scab, and I’ll pick and the cycle continues. I almost always wear foundation whenever I leave the house. I hate it. I also go out of my way to wear less revealing clothes to cover my scabs and scars on my arm and chest. Summertime is particularly difficult for me. I have avoided leaving the house, avoided hanging out with my friends by making lame excuses, and even avoided going to school because of this. It is out of control. My picking behavior is out of control. Enough is enough. This is the first time I’ve openly talked about my problem, so this is a big step in the right direction. I just started seeing a psychiatrist for medication and therapy. I am stronger than this disorder, we all are. I am going to kick this dermatillomania in the butt. Join me.
9 Answers
Add Comment
liberty13
May 28, 2008
I'm with you! I know there are underlying reasons, blah, blah, blah for all of this crap, but knowing where the urges come from--although necessary--hasn't done a hell of a lot for me so far. I'm trying the "going to battle" approach. This thing is my worst enemy and hasn't done any good in my life. I'm not perfect at it, but I've had some success. I'm going to focus on it. The past week has been difficult not picking, and I had a couple moments of "relapse", but I self-talked myself out of going on any real harmful streaks. In fact, my biggest brag is that I actually have had small white-heads on my face for several days now. I know you'll understand why this is something to be proud of! I'm beating this thing too. I hope I can find a friend to help me along the way. I'd love to help you. Rachel
rampage23
May 28, 2008
Rachel, Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It was a real inspiration to me and is keeping me motivated, especially since I just relapsed about an hour ago after not picking for two days straight. I am really disappointed that I relapsed, but at least I didn't do anything too harmful and I know I can't give up now, not ever. So far, writing has helped distract me the most when my urges to pick get really strong. I get so frustrated with this. It is so difficult and complicated to understand. I don't think I fully ever will, but like you said it takes more than just getting to the root of the problem. It helps knowing what the cause is, but the real struggle is how to stop this. It is truly an addiction. Thank you so much for your support. It truly means a lot to me. I would be more than happy to help you through this tough and complicated journey. We can do this together. I know it :) -Sara
liberty13
May 30, 2008
Hi Sara, I'm glad to be candid with someone about this addiction. I'm struggling tonight and thought I should share: I just picked a large area of my chest. I was in the bathroom--getting ready to shower with the lights off (helpful, by the way) when I peered a couple little zits forming on my chest (from the hall light). I just picked it red and scabby. Now for the good news!!!! : I was tempted to turn-on the bathroom light and have a go at my face, but resisted the urge and just hopped in the shower. Yea for me, right? Do you ever do this? : Congratulate yourself for picking body parts other than your face? Silly, huh? I just couldn't be prouder of myself right now. It's a strange life to live. Shame, though, that with summer almost here I'll be so worried about the damage when i go swimming. I'll probably just avoid it altogether until I heal. (Once again, avoiding activities I love for this monster!!!) Anyway, I was wondering what your "specialty" is? This forum has lots of nail-biters, feet-pickers, etc. I have only exacerbated my acne on face, back, and chest and sometimes scalp. What about you? I hope you don't mind the question. I'm just trying to get to the root of it all. P.S...If you pick your scalp at all (which I do a little--especially around the hairline) washing often with neutrogena coal-tar shampoo is helpful. It has a soothing, tingly, anti-itching sort of effect and, without fail, keeps me from bothering my scalp. P.P.S. My face is looking great and I can't help but be proud of my unpicked baby white heads. I'm a loony! Stay strong, Rachel
rampage23
May 30, 2008
Hey Rachel, It's good to hear from you. I'm really proud of you that you were able to stop picking on your face after you went at your chest. That is a really strong urge to subside and it's also really impressive that you are looking at the positive side of your behavior rather than beating yourself up over your slip. I too have picked on other parts of my body and stopped myself from going at my face. And oddly enough, even though I'm slightly disappointed, I'm still proud of myself for not going at my face. However if I start off with my face, I almost always have to go at everywhere else I normally attack on my body. It just depends on where my slip-up starts. My face is definitely my biggest picking problem. I go at it there the most. My other areas are my arms (mostly ingrown hairs or small pimples from time to time) and my chest. My chest looks the worst of everywhere else. I'll have scars there for the rest of my life. Sometimes I'll pick on my legs and cuticles but that's improved significantly over time. Having acryllic nails has made it harder for me to pick most of the time. I've never picked at my scalp that I can remember. I went to my psychiatrist today and she upped my zoloft dosage to 75 mg and also added a new medication to my regimene. It's lanzapine and it helps with anxiety and subsiding my compulsive urges. I tried one this evening for the first time and it kicked in right away. So, we'll see how it goes with that. I was wondering if you take medication for your skin picking? If you don't feel comfortable answering that is completely understandable. I also joined a 12-step program with EA for my OCD, dermatillomania (skin picking), anxiety, and depression. Oddly enough, these are interrelated. Joining EA has been really helpful to me. Of everything, talking to people who are in the same boat as me has been the most helpful by far. It's so good to know I'm not alone. I thought I was for so long. AWESOME JOB not picking on your face! Keep it up!!! -Sara
liberty13
June 01, 2008
Sara, Hi. No I'm not on any meds. I once tried Zoloft in college and felt kind of "dead to the world" and my brain seemed to shut-down. I was working on a math degree, and couldn't seem to figure-problems-out while on the drugs. As soon as I got off them, my brain kicked back in. Maybe I should've given them more time? Or tried different ones? I just never considered that path again--after the negative experience. It did help my anxiety, however. Since then I've learned to control almost all parts of my anxiety (except for the picking thing.) I hope this is my last battle into normalacy. (Is that a word? I'm sure it's knot spelled write.) I wish you could see the progress I've made this past week. My skin has really healed fast, and is past the itchy peely stage. One week! That's the hardest part, the rest is downhill! So I'm telling myself. I'm such a realist that this "brain washing" myself approach is weirding me out, but I think it's working (at least temporarily.) I'm interested to know how you got into an EA program (I'm assuming that's Emotional Addiction?) Are there a lot of people with this problem? I'm worried that it would be mostly men with porn addictions of something like that. Let me know. I really appreciate your help. Rachel
rampage23
June 01, 2008
Hey Rachel, I have relapsed a few times but thankfully I haven't gone all out and done too much damage. I'm making progress though, which is awesome for me. Regarding medication - I guess everyone is different. Zoloft and Lorazepam have been working very well for me with controlling my anxiety, skin picking, OCD, depression, etc... And not surprising, all of my issues are interrelated. But yeah, it's been successful for me so far. If your body didn't react well to it before, I'm not sure it would be different this time. Like I said, everyone reacts to medication differently. The 12-step program I've joined is called Emotions Anonymous. Don't worry, nobody there has sexual or porn addictions (they have Sexual Compulsives Anonymous for that). My psychiatrist suggested it to me. She said that a lot of her patients do that program and it works really with with the medication they take to help their recovery process. The people in EA have mental and emotional illness ranging anywhere from compulsive behaviors/OCD, depression, anxiety, fears, relationship issues, and so much more. I am a part of the online group and the in-person group. Out of the online group of about 100 people, I know of at least 9 people that have CSP like us. In the in person group of about 6-8 people, 2 other people have CSP. It has been so helpful to talking to people that have a similar thing going on as me. They are so understanding and supportive. We got each other's back. Keep up the great worth with not picking on your face. That is really something to be proud of. -Sara
want-to-stop
May 31, 2008
Ok, this is new for me, as just days ago I began to search the net for answers. I have a love-hate relationship with this pick thing.... God, I hate it, but I find it strangely hypnotic at the same time. I became a mother for the first time late last year and my girl is just strating to notice things.... I would HATE it if she ever notices this in me! My mother has always done this thing infront of me, and her mother before her..... it stops here, with me - I just have not quite worked out how yet!!! I have booked in to see a therapist - my appointment is this coming Tuesday... I just wanted to write something here to voice my intent to make me accountable on some level to someone out there, as I have no-one to share with. I am pleased to see that I am not alone here, and my symptoms seem quite 'normal' here, so I just want to say thanks to everyone who has shared part of their story here... it helps to know that I am not entirely alone. I have tried to stop this thing so many times over my life.... honestly I cannot remember a single day in my life where I have not picked.... no matter how young, I guess I kind of don't know just how to not do it! OK, some pretty random thoughts here, but once again, thanks for sharing, your experiences do help! You are so right, we are stronger than this thing! Good luck to all! :)
agnesuk
July 22, 2008
Im with you too. I pick at my fingers and my lips, my fingers are always bleeding and im forever trying to hide them with plasters. No more making up accidents to excuse my bloodied fingers. It is defintaly a love hate relationship. when you see a scab that neeeds to be picked and you cant think of anything else until you've done it, i veen have to leave my desk at work to go to the bathroom and pick it. I have had this since i was little, my parents always told me i did it because i wanted to, its such a relief to read other peoples stories and to realise im not a freak, so many other people do the same. im joining you!
handinhand
August 31, 2008
Oh, how I understand.. I can stay without doing it. I was not hurting myself for almost a year, but about a month ago I could not resist :o( My hands are red, my skin is thick and it is aching while I am doing. My fingers are tired of the repetitive motion, my face muscles are getting exhausted but I just can't stop doing it. My hole family tries to make me stop. I am very embarrassed. My friends keep asking me if I do boxing or something like that, 'cause I have the back of my hands always red. !! I said it. Thanks for the space.

Start your journey with SkinPick

Take control of your life and find freedom from skin picking through professional therapy and evidence-based behavioral techniques.

Start Now