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randomshelly , 10 Apr 2010

New here, please read and respond!

I found this site as a link off of 'neurotic planet', they listed different types of skin picking and mine is ironically the 'perfectionist'. My picking is all about spots and acne, I don't actually get many spots but when i do i have to pop them, somewhere in my head i think this helps even though time and time again all it does is leave horrible scabs and scars over my face, and it is only my face i ever pick, if i get spots where they aren't visible i'll leave them alone! I have this graze like scab on my nose from using such pressure on my skin that it became broken skin, the tiny pimple wasnt even noticable but i kept squeezing at it untill now theres a medium sized scab on my nose. I even have the urge to pick at the scab even though I know this will make it worse. The thing i look at myself and i feel so disgustingly ugly, even though it is one scab that i could easly lie and say i fell over or something, I don't want to go out, I can't face other people looking at me, and that is irrational because i know deep down nobody cares, it's a measley scab, but all the same i've sat at home crying, not wanting to go out at all. My boyfriend is being really supportive and it helps so much having someone to talk to. But i need to stop this obsession with my face, and need to stop letting one scab stop me from living my life. Im in a holiday at uni right now, but i dont even want to face going back to classes while i look like this. I know i sound contradictory, but thats what my head is like, one is divided saying 'it's just a scab, who cares, it will heal, and u look fine' while the other says 'you look disgusting and cant even face going out' I'm getting there little by little, usually i'd slap loads of make up on it even if it was still visible, but i know that will slow down the healing so i'm not putting make up on it. Just feels so nice to know there are other people like me. I've had this condition for years and i've only really just realised that i do have a problem, and hopefully now i can get on my way to solving it!! Sheila! x
11 Answers
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violet
April 11, 2010
hey! i totally understand where you're coming from. i think i have the same sort of problem with the perfectionism: i will pick and pick just to "get rid of the pimples" even though it's just making the problem infinitely worse and i KNOW it! both my driving permit and my first license had pictures where i had this single huge scab on my forehead, and each time, it was one of those where there was just a small pimple but i picked at it until it was a giant scar. also, the picking is a weird comfort to me -- like a stress reliever and a means of believing i have CONTROL over something. but yeah, i just wanted to let you know you're not alone and that we can support each other to get through this. i did 2 days w/o picking and then i lapsed, but i got through today without it too, so let the count-up begin at 1 once more! cheers, laura
randomshelly
April 11, 2010
I read a post about the 40 week challenge of not picking for 40 days straight, I got through day one, never realised how much i have the urge to pick until i took this challenge, day two now =) I often found myself picking almost subconsciously, I'd be telling myself to stop because like you, I knew i would only be making it worse but yeah, it was like a comfort, and i do, it more when I'm stressed out, which alot of the time unfortunately, wna try and do the 40 day challange together, I know I'm one day ahead but i think it would help me if I had like a post or something, could write a post if i get a really horrible urge or sumthing. Just an idea. And thanks for responding =) Jus trying to be patient and wait for this scab to go now ¬_¬ Sheila x
vicstic
April 11, 2010
Hi! I just wanted to comment after reading your post that your story is so shockingly the same to mine, that Ive read so far. Above any reasons I pick and squeeze my skin and spots its about PERFECTION. Its also a control thing with me which is ironic as after ive picked my skin it ends up controlling me like keeping me in the house. I too am on a holiday from uni, about to go back tomorrow (are you in the UK?) and ive had days off from it cos of my skin which is terrible, cos IVE DONE IT!! I no longer have bad skin but i keep causing it. The best thing so far has been just admitting a problem, making the links, opening up to people and getting support and finding triggers and solutions. Currently, I havnt picked for about 6 days now and it will be nice to start a new semester with a clear face for a change. I really think Im getting a handle on this thing because im sick of the destruction its caused. Infact tonigt Im going to make something which documents all the times ive picked, what its ruined and some photos i took of recent carnage (drastic i know but its going to help me) Good luck and keep in touch via posts!! xx p.s- isnt it the worst feeling in the world when youve you realise that youve given yourself a huge scab which was only a teeny tiny clogged pore or something- and its ruined your life. Not worth it is it??
randomshelly
April 11, 2010
Thanks for your post. yeah I'm in the UK =) I've started the 40 day challenge, on day 2 of it =) I'm lucky enough that the scab came off today (without picking yay) but still have to deal with the inevitable pink mark left behind =( better than a scab but still frustrating. Looking back I must have picked my skin at its most subconsciously because i always seem to have a holiday where i can let my skin heal for a bit. But it is horrible, previously i've spent weeks at home, not going out and just crying because of how i look, and looking back i must have looked below average but not near enough how i thought i looked! I'm going to go to university counselling for the first time tomorrow and see if that can help! I feel quite silly knowing that I've only really realised I've got a problem a few days ago. I'm lucky that I've found this site and have a supportive boyfriend, sometimes the best remedy is talking about it. I know i have an obsession with my face, that i'll stare at every blackhead and pimple that nobody would even notice! Are you from the Uk too?? I'm quite lucky that i have another week off before i go back so hopefully the pink mark will be a bit better by then. I will deff stay in contact via posts, do you have facebook or msn? It's really nice to have found someone with the same condition of picking as myself, I've been reading alot of posts and they seem to be quite different to my type of picking =) keep in touch!! Sheila x
vicstic
April 11, 2010
Yes Im from Yorkshire (Hull) Im at Hull Uni (second year) All the support is great on this site but yours would be fantastic because we can share hints and products that we can get hold of. Yes, I have facebook, no to msn unfortunately. Another week? Lucky you, Im back tomorrow and have an essay due Wednesday (hoping the stress wont cause me to pick) I too have a very supportive boyfriend thankfully, so we have much in common. Im sure we can help eachother. Im soo like you, I know the drill. See a tiny thing you dont like-pick squueze- scab and regret- mark/scar. There are a lot of posts which is our type of picking but all picking is compulsive, in the same family. Mine is about being a former acne sufferer, perfectionist and controlling. Im 100% sure this site will help you xx
randomshelly
April 11, 2010
do you mind if i add you on fb, if not search sheila lord, there should be 5 people standing in front of a wall as my dp. I'm in Kingston upon thames, just finishing my first year. I'm not really sure where my obsession came from. I've never had terrible acne, but always had the odd spot, just cant seem to leave them alone. I think in general life I'm a perfectionist and I dont think I've realised how much the media and celebrities affect me. Even with clear skin (as i have had really clear skin sometimes lol) I dont like how i look and always wanting to be prettier or look like someone else. This site has really helped me already =) so nice to find other people like myself =) x x x

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